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05/23/2012 08:37 AM

RESPECT(page 3)

Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14606
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Do you have Bancroft's book? If not, please get it and every time you feel like making contact with him, open it up to any page and start reading. That will definitely keep you strong!
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05/23/2012 10:23 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4967
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I agree with Meg: Get a copy of Why Does He Do that ASAP! Check your local library (ask about interlibrary loans), check your local bookstores, or order it online!

If you ever feel tempted to contact him, you can also call the Domestic Abuse Hotline any time day or night. 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) is the number! Keep it in a handy place in case you ever feel like you need to talk to someone!


05/24/2012 03:59 AM
sheli111
sheli111  
Posts: 52
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Post edited by: sheli111, at: 06/16/2012 11:48 PM

05/24/2012 06:17 AM
starrybook2
Posts: 193
Member

just wanted to mention you can get the book through the kindle store. you dont even have to have a kindle. if you have a smart phone you can get a kindle reader app. if you dont, you can get something for your computer too, for free http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=kcp_pc_mkt_lnd? docId=1000426311 you have to buy the book though. i didnt have a dime when i first left my abuser so i had a hard time getting the book, but i thought i would mention this way for you in case that makes it easier. i eventually ended up getting the reader on my phone and bought the book that way .

05/24/2012 08:32 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14606
Group Leader

Good point, Starry! Also, don't overlook your public library. If they don't have it, they can get it for you. If you feel too embarassed to ask for it, pretend you are getting it to help a friend.

05/24/2012 08:47 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4967
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MMeg, when I first started checking out books about abuse from the library I got really self-conscious. At one point I got a weird look from the woman at the check-out desk and I said "My university library didn't have these I'm so glad to find them here! How am I supposed to do research without proper materials?!" or something like that. After that she seemed relieved and didn't think a thing of it when I came back in for other books on abuse. I know it's something we SHOULDN'T be ashamed of, but it sure did make it easier for awhile just to pretend.

05/24/2012 08:49 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14606
Group Leader

I've used that research line myself, Scheff! lol

05/25/2012 04:38 PM
sheli111
sheli111  
Posts: 52
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Post edited by: sheli111, at: 06/16/2012 11:49 PM

05/25/2012 04:44 PM
sheli111
sheli111  
Posts: 52
Member



Post edited by: sheli111, at: 06/16/2012 11:50 PM

05/25/2012 05:23 PM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4967
Group Leader

First of all, it's natural to feel bad about making good decisions for yourself after being in an abusive relationship. Afterall, you've been "punished" for trying to take care of yourself for a long time now! The idea of actually standing up to your abuser and asserting your worth probably feels awkward and new. Sometimes it is hard to feel proud of doing the right thing at first, but I promise you, your emotions will catch up in time. Right now you're more or less "trained" to feel guilty for doing the right thing for yourself, but the more you understand about the abuse the easier it will be to finally feel GOOD about the great things you're doing for yourself!

Also, don't bother thinking about the next one just yet... now is the time to focus on yourself and your healing as an individual. If you start trying to figure out everything at once it can get pretty overwhelming! Just take it one step at a time, and that is more than enough work to do. There's actually a whole chapter about identifying "red flags" in Bancroft's book, which is just one more reason you need to get a hold of it asap!

Have you managed to locate a copy yet?

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