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05/17/2012 07:13 AM

Why do we love the wrong ones

christine32
Posts: 1
New Member

Hi - I am a new member and I just need some verbal support.

I was dating this guy who is 34 and I am 32 for 2 years. When I met him he was nice but after we started getting serious he started getting controlling, first it was (1) the way i dress - I had to wear long shirts to cover my ass and had to cover my top part of my breast- not that I have much then (2) Every time I text him I had to text back within that minute or answer him. (3) I had to cut my friends off, he didnt want me to speak to any friends or coworkers. I know i should have walked away after the many dumb fights we had, but my heart made me fight for him. Like with out him in my life - I felt lost and when we go back I feel happy. I truly do love him, but hated how he acted and he would always call me a dumb ass and retard or rat.. and he has hit me many times, and never apologized for his actions. Why I stood - is love. I always nagged him and fought my way back to him and we be good and then he pick a fight about something dumb. I was always to be blame for his temper. I live alone and he lives with is aunt and cousin in a room, so i would go pick him up and we spend the weekends..He feels that I get him mad by my attitude ( I have to be on pins and needles with him)I couldnt say what i felt or like what i wanted... how can you try to be calm and speak to someone nice when they degrade and call you names. When we are not mad at each other we are good and happy.. so yesterday I was so stress and upset about something personal and he went and said I told your dumb ass to get it done and all.. I was like instead of saying baby i hope it workds out or what are you going to do.. instead of calling me names. he always gets mad and calls me name and then tells me to go to hell.. and when I text and call him that i miss him.. he never apologizes and makes it all about me. He doesnt respect his mom and doesnt even speak to her.. so I know he has no respect. its like no matter how much i tried to prove to him that i love him and he is all i need.. or whatever I did - it was never enough. its been only 1 day since i didnt contact him, and he would not contact me unless i did.. I hope i can remain strong and realize that I dont need this stress.

Post edited by: christine32, at: 05/17/2012 07:15 AM

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05/17/2012 08:17 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4972
Group Leader

Welcome to our group! I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through lately. I don't have a lot of time to write at the moment, but I just wanted to say that I'm very glad that you're cutting off contact with him! Stick to it!

I encourage you to check out what we affectionately call our "group bible" here, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. You can read the first chapter or so on Amazon (just click on the cover): http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/ 0425191656 Please try to get a hold of this book ASAP! Check your local library (ask about inter-library loans!) if money is an issue. I've seen this book on the shelves of places like Barnes & Noble and Books-A-Million too. The more you learn about the nature of abuse, the better off you will be for certain! This book is very validating and will help you make sense of everything that has been going on. It's a very dense book, so I generally advise people to read it more than once!

Again, welcome to our group!


05/17/2012 08:23 AM
brokenhrt001
brokenhrt001  
Posts: 119
Member

Just run away, it doesnt get any better in fact it gets worse i know i didnt know what was going on my ex he did the same to me for 13 years i wish i would of left before he asked me to marry him and had a child (which my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me) I thought i could change him and make him like he was when i meet him but it just gets worse I KNOW. Good luck

05/18/2012 12:13 PM
LifeAwaits
LifeAwaits  
Posts: 715
Member

Hi Christine, welcome to the group. Brokenhrt is right, it will not get any better. He will not wake up and get it. He will never understand what he did to you was abuse nor will he ever care how it affected you.

Please stay away from him. Anytime you want to contact him or miss him, come here and post and read. Also, call the Domestic Violence hotline. 1 (800) 799-7233. They are there to help you anytime. Domestic violence doesn't mean just physical violence, it is all types of abuse.

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