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05/14/2012 08:17 PM

I want to go home.

nicole11

I'm at my dad's and I'm safe here but I want to go home. Maybe none of this is worth it. I can just go home and forget everything. Maybe it's me. I'm not sure of anything. Maybe I make him crazy? Who says it's not me? I feel like I pushed him to this. Maybe he's not so bad. I've been no contact for weeks but I emailed him yesterday asking for divorce money. It was bad. I really want to talk to him. Why?
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05/14/2012 09:00 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14606
Group Leader

Have you gotten Bancroft's book yet? If not, please do so. It will help you tremendously. You didn't cause him to be abusive. There is nothing you can do to make an abuser abusive. He chooses to behave the way he does. Call your local domestic abuse shelter and find out what resources they have to offer in the way of counseling. Most offer free individual and group counseling. You could really use some help at this time.

One thing I know for sure is that the abuse gets worse when you go back. It's like they are on a mission to punish you forever for having left them. He may make a lot of promises, but he won't keep a single one.


05/15/2012 06:10 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4971
Group Leader

Rest assurred that everything you are feeling right now is NORMAL! However, it is important not to act on these feelings because they are a product of brainwashing and "training" from your abuser.

If you need someone to talk to, don't forget about the Domestic Abuse Hotline t 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Meg is right though... going back will just be worse. Even if he tries to put on the Mr. Wonderful act initially, it will not last. You did not cause him to become abusive. It's not even possible to cause a person to be abusive! Abusive behavior is a personal choice, and I'm guessing nobody put a gun to his head and said "You better abuse your wife or else!".

Have you ever written down a list of ways in which he is abusive? Things that you saw in WHy Does He Do That which apply to him? If not, now would be a good time to do that. When we start to doubt ourselves, it is helpful to have a listen written down all in one place so that we can refer back to it and remember just how bad it was.


05/16/2012 08:27 PM
nicole11

I'm going home.

05/16/2012 10:48 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

*hugs* we are still here if you need us Smile

05/17/2012 06:29 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4971
Group Leader

Sending plenty of good vibes you're way... we're always here for you if you need more support (and don't forget about the Domestic Abuse hotline if you ever need someone to talk to right away).

05/17/2012 10:44 AM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2710
Senior Member

Nicole11, good luck....if you decide to go back....give it all you have...and not loose yourself in the process....you are aware and have adquire knowledge that will come very handy....I will be thinking of you....I remember having had tried everything before I left my abuser....and I knew I will feel terribly tempted to go back to the Mr. Wonderful scenarios...which I do....but same time, I knew the awful and dreadful moments were not worth the good ones......I believe that if I would have left too soon, I would have gone back to him already.....wish you the best.....and do as you decide as this will be the only way of living truthfully and to honestly learn what there is to learn about life and yourself.....yes!..I am here to support you and share my insights if they come handy....have an awesome time and keep us posted.....Hug, Patricia Smile

05/17/2012 04:53 PM
NaniCam
NaniCamPosts: 288
Member

I had to find things out for myself, Nicole. I should have listened to those who knew better. In the end, each time I returned he dug in his heels more. I saw more of his real nature.

We do what we do because we are victims who have been programmed.

I pray you will do what you need to, armed with information. Only you can live in your shoes. We'll be here for you. Take care of yourself hon.

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