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05/01/2012 06:32 PM

Ughhhh....practice run with lawyer on phone

SetmeFree
SetmeFree  
Posts: 400
Member

I have lost any confidence in my case for custody, my lawyer made it sound perfectly reasonable that my children should be flipped back and forth between houses every week. And if I didn;t feel hopeless enough over that..I found out what my mother 's practice testimony sounded like...

My mother is suddenly flaky with her answers....i.e. yes he was abusive, controlling, I never knew it though my daughter is a good actress when she wants to be, my son is too..his wife was abusive too"... and she is talking A LOT about how her custody fight didn't go her way....i.e. "the judge let YOU decide to stay with your dad because YOU wanted to stay with YOUR friends, a mother NEVER gets over that sort of thing" and pretty much implying that I've already lost..too bad for you...I cannot believe that my mother is hinting that she is planning to sabotage my custody hearing to get back at me for a choice I made at 14. She is stating that she and her husband showed up to move us out of the house...beds, clothes, toys, which isn't even close to true, she went on one run to pick up toys/my ornament collection after we had moved out, otherwise I moved the bulk of it on my own with my husband helping me move the beds while he flashed his gun at me and groped my ass all day even though I asked him to stop..... she is saying that she doesn't know if my abuser has provided support or not. WTF!...I need to prove the kids have been with me since separation..she would have been a good witness to testify since she owns the house we are living in...now I am tempted to take my chances without her testimony. This is why I held on so long and tried to find a way out without her help.

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05/01/2012 08:59 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Wow, it certainly sounds like your mother is paying you back! If that's the case, I think I'd take my chances without her. She sounds like a loose canon and if you aren't sure what she's going to say on the stand, better to not even go there. You won't get a second chance.

05/02/2012 05:30 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4960
Group Leader

I agree with Meg... also, talk to your lawyer about this wishy-washy testimony. It might change his/her gameplan a bit too so it is best to be ready.

05/02/2012 07:50 AM
hoping76
Posts: 20
New Member

Strange, I thought my mother was the only one to invent facts. I wish you luck. I agree with other posters and would try to go without her. I am wondering what it would be in my case also

05/02/2012 10:19 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4960
Group Leader

Hoping76, sadly, a lot of mothers (and other abusers) like to invent facts. Boy my mother made up all sorts of things! She would even go as far as to say that she paid to put me through 4 years of college when I know she didn't contribute a dime. She would claim that I promised to to do X Y and Z and get mad if I didn't do it.. one time when I was sick she came to me and said "Oh I made you some chicken noodle soup! It's on the stove!" I was a bit surprised, but appreciated the nice guesture... when I started to put some of it in a bowl my sister came up to me and said "What the hell! Why are you taking my soup!?" It turned out she was making the soup for herself, my mother saw it, and decided to claim she did something nice for me!

Mothers just like any other type of abuser, often love to twist or even straight up invent "facts" to serve themselves or their reputations.


05/02/2012 01:50 PM
SetmeFree
SetmeFree  
Posts: 400
Member

Now my lawyer wants to avoid talking about the bruise on the 9 y/o's arm from his adult half brother, I was dropping off ppwk the day after with the lawyer's assist. she said to document and escalate to DCF if there was a second incident....now my lawyer is telling me it will be used against me because I didn't involve DCF immediately after the first incident. Of course my mom is hung up on that and I have to nudge her away from that if she ends up testifying....my lawyer still isn't saying what she wants to do with my mom.

05/02/2012 02:35 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

SetmeFree, do you know what judge is going to be hearing this? I'm just wondering if you could call your local domestic abuse shelter and get the run down on the judge and your attorney and his attorney. I wonder how they've performed before for abuse victims.

05/02/2012 02:47 PM
SetmeFree
SetmeFree  
Posts: 400
Member

They have not be helpful in the past, I doubt they will help me when there is no money involved, but I know who the judge will be and I will call tomorrow.

05/02/2012 03:36 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Are there any other shelters in your neck of the woods? Have you called the National Domestic Abuse Hotline (1-800-799-7233) to ask for other shelters and counselors in your area? When I did, they gave me a bunch of names that I had never even heard of before!

You're probably right about the money though. You could just post your county information on here and ask if anyone has any experience with attorneys in that county.


05/02/2012 04:25 PM
SetmeFree
SetmeFree  
Posts: 400
Member

I called the national line a few months ago, Peace River is it for this area.

Domestic Violence Outreach Service

Provides safety planning, information and referral, supportive counseling, and court accompaniment for domestic violence survivors upon request.

However when I called to ask for help they stated that they would only help if I moved myself and the kids into the shelter and pressed charges. When I called to schedule therapy(they also run a non profit mental health organization, I was passed through to the victim's assistance fund coordinator who questioned me about pressing charges before they passed me over to the scheduling dept. ....it took a month for an intake interview ....I described the most violent rape/smothering...and it didn't get a reaction and they scheduled me for my first session a month after that interview....which didn't help me since I was looking for validation/confirmation and I got 2 months to second guess and blame myself and lost valuable time as far as restraining orders and divorce filings were concerned. Grrrrr....I am still pretty peeved about it. That is also where I found my therapist who told me that I needed to box up the abuse, and stop thinking about it, end the chapter and move on. The entire management staff is leaving/being replaced...they have been advertising for high level director positions for months.

Post edited by: SetmeFree, at: 05/02/2012 04:26 PM

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