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04/03/2012 01:38 PM

Games

Nancysangel
Nancysangel  
Posts: 136
Member

I feel like everything is a game to my abuser. He knows what to say to hurt me and get my reaction. In the past two years, my mom passed away and so did my cousin that I was very close to. Whenever he gets mad at me, he will say something negative in reference to them. He knows how much I loved them and miss them. Then he laughs at me...when he sees that I am upset. I have been doing better with dealing with the abuse, but this is one thing that hurt so bad.
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04/03/2012 02:05 PM
mem7205

NancysAngel,I am very sorry about your loss.It is not okay that he says things to hurt you.You are not alone.You deserve better.You REALLY do.I am sure your Mother and cousin would agree.

HUGS.Lanna

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 04/03/2012 02:05 PM


04/03/2012 02:22 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

I am so sorry that he does that to you. They really seem to know exactly what to zero in on to hurt you the most. You really deserve so much better than that.

04/03/2012 05:32 PM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4960
Group Leader

That's awful NancysAngel... it really is sickening how much abusers exploit our most sensitive emotions. I remember every time I tried to assert myself to my abusive father he would try to drag out the most hurtful thing he could say about me or something I cared deeply about in attempt to sidetrack the conversation. It was like if he could get me to cry then he had won since I had lost control. The sad thing, it worked a lot of the time... but it doesn't work on me anymore!

04/04/2012 09:56 AM
Nancysangel
Nancysangel  
Posts: 136
Member

Thank you all so much for your support. I have been holding it in, because I did not want to hurt the rest of my family by telling them that he does this.

04/04/2012 10:07 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

I don't think it would hurt them so much as make them angry. It sure would make me angry to find out one of my family members was being treated like that. In fact, I'd be livid!

04/04/2012 10:19 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4960
Group Leader

I suppose it depends on the family and their relationship with you though. Since my family was abusive towards me, they LOVED my abusive ex-boyfriend and how he treated me... it seemed familiar to them and "right" in a sick sort of way. They HATE my husband and they frequently tried to convince him that I was lazy and stupid for not getting a high-paying-and-unsatisfying job like they did (they actually told him that I should be "miserable like the rest of us." and NOT in a joking way)

On the other hand, I have heard countless stories of women who were being abused unbeknownst to their family, and once it was revealed the families were very supportive of their own above all things.


04/05/2012 06:39 AM
WandaLynn
WandaLynn  
Posts: 990
Member

My husband was always good about insulting my family and saying negative things about them.He likes to say"they dont love you"...and this was his way of making me feel isolated and insecure.I know it hurts but try not to let his words sink in.hugs!

04/05/2012 08:54 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4960
Group Leader

ohmywhattodo... you realize that his very real behavior has nothing to do with your mother, right? What a load!

04/05/2012 09:28 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Mine would do stuff like that occasionally. I always saw it as an attempt to take the focus off what he did and move me into defensive mode where he could, like you said, get a few licks in at me. You just have to refuse to take the bait. Keep saying, "We're not talking about my mother's behaviour. We're talking about YOUR behaviour." Just keep bringing the focus back where it belongs.
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