Emotional Abuse Support Group

Hi,

this week my kids are off school for Easter, normally I work at home so when they are off I can look after them without any trouble, my wife doesn't work and is usually either at home or visiting her friends or family.

I found out that tomorrow I have to go to the head office to do some inteviews. I said yes as it is part of the job and I don't really have a choice anywhere. Told the wife when she got home and she was fine with it at first until she found out that my son has to go to a rehearsal tomorrow across town.

she then started going on and on and on about how useless I am, how I always put the job first, how could I call myself a father and on and on for over 15 minutes, in the end I broke down in tears, even that didn't stop her, she then started on again,,, call yourself a man etc ....

not sure what to do, I don't think I have done anything that bad, I really try to be there for my kids and if I was working at home tomorrow I would have driven him without any problems at all, she just doesn't want to accept that I have other commitments and I cant just drop everything all the time. If I did any other job they would always have to get themselves about

not sure where this is going, I am so sad and lonely I just don't know why she is so nasty and horrible to me, such an unfeeling woman, she has no empathy at all and seems to enjoy driving me over the edge.

Post edited by: john4114, at: 04/02/2012 01:15 PM

I don't think she wants you to be successful...especially when it conflicts with her personal time

you can guarantee she will do it everytime there is a holiday

Abusers have a knack for ruining holidays don't they? They just can't stand to see us joyous. It seems like they like to up the ante if we even think about feeling happy and free. I think it helps them feel powerful to be able to control our happiness and independence.

John, I'm certain that you work very hard and that you do everything you can for those kids. She will never appreciate it though, no sir... she sees any moment of free time you have as contraband!

you know you are right Schefflera, she absolutely hates me having time to myself, if there are no jobs around the house that need doing she will almost make one up just to keep me busy

John, this just goes back to an abuser's sense of entitlement. I'm sure when she wants to relax for awhile she doesn't feel guilty for being lazy or selfish, but if you were to take a moment to breathe that would somehow translate into "you've been sitting on your butt all day doing nothing!"

John, my abuser was the same way. I remember when I was a new mom and staying home with the baby. Our baby was a night owl and since my husband worked during the day, I did everything I could to keep him from being disturbed by our being up. Baby would usually conk out just as the sun was rising (figures, right? lol) and I'd crawl into bed exhausted. He'd wake up about a half hour later, see my sleeping while he was getting dressed for work and just seeth. One time, he came to the side of our bed and just stared at me. I could feel his jealousy and hatred for me. I didn't dare open my eyes! He didn't see me awake all night.

You are NOT a bad father. You are providing for your family under very difficult circumstances. I'd like to see your wife pull that off! I was always like a single parent. If I couldn't take one of the kids somewhere, I had to arrange for a ride for him/her. I helped with all the homework and school projects too. He never did. It's tough, but it was a lot easier for me if I just thought of myself as being a single parent and when about my life as if I was one.

What is it about the holidays?. My ex ruined every Christmas for 15 years and birthdays. Not just mine but the kids also. But on his birthday we were expected to go all out. How I hated him on his birthday and I would intentionally make sure his was ruined like ours was.