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03/28/2012 10:06 PM

Feeling Rejected is Establishing Bounderies!

p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2697
Senior Member

Gosh!....ever since I have been with my abuser and after leaving him, I have become very aware of the people that reject me...and I feel horrible!...this is bec I am used to everybody accepting me otherwise, I would change myself upside down to receive people's approval....without realizing that abusers are everywhere and abusers are in this group too and they take notice of this practice.....I remember one of the reasons my abuser told me he liked me was bec everybody liked me...in other words, he knew I had no bounderies!.....I would do anything and everything to please most people....well, now in applying for jobs and working three part time jobs, I have become aware that there are people (abusers!) that do not like me....and I feel awful!.....I dont like to feel rejected....yet with my head, I know that this is a good practice!...and it is taking everything of me to let people reject me....in my new job, they treat me soooo nice, it hurts!...the other two jobs, I know who the abusers are.....and it is my responsability to believe me....trust my instinct and not over write it like I used to do before....I want people to reject me for who I am....these are the abusers!....I am happy to know this concept with my head but with my heart, I feel sick to my stomach.....very similar experience than when I left my abuser....my heart was aching and my mind knew I had a challenge to accomplish and it was to stay away from my abuser......I am sooo glad to be on this path of putting my pieces together.....even going way back when I was a child and take care of mkhy coping skills that apparently I have not learned yet.....it is scary due to I know it is painful....yet I am all I got...and so in time I shall succeed.....I am dreaming of a specific job I want and a self assurance space I shall have...I dont know how or when or what....but I dream I shall get there....baby steps at a time......I am thrilled to feel rejected! Shocked
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03/28/2012 10:12 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14593
Group Leader

Thanks so much for posting that, Patricia! You make some very good points. Please remember though how much we love you here on MDJ! Smile

03/29/2012 12:19 AM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2697
Senior Member

Thank you Meg1129...I needed to hear that....I am relying on this website, my counselor, my intuition give by my gut instinct and my strength.....you are providing the light on my path and I sincerely appreciate it....I love to feel loved...yei!!!!...Smile

03/29/2012 05:44 AM
LifeAwaits
LifeAwaits  
Posts: 715
Member

Yes, definitely! Well said. I didn't think of it in that way. It is literally impossible to be yourself and have everyone like you.

All I do can is be myself and speak my truth. Besides, I wouldn't want a friend who likes me because I adapt myself to them.


03/29/2012 07:23 AM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2697
Senior Member

Yes, Agree!...however, I feel sooo needy sometimes for affection that it makes me vulnerable to want most everyones approval...so what I need to do when I feel I need a hug, attention, affection is recognize my hunger via my gut instinct...due to it happens very fast, and anticipate that I am going to feel overwhelmed, know that it is part of the process....and do not react to my feelings....accept them by looking at them and get to know them/me...and go and do something that I feel proud of...such as play squash so I feel I love myself....it would be nice too to talk to a friend...but I have very few who can be assertive and I want to know/prepare to help me instantly...and this is what I plan to do....it is making me feel stronger, more assertive to accept my pain when I realize that there are people who reject me....this is a very very interesting dynamic...that I am rescuing from feeling sooo much in pain...I am becoming aware that I am a very delicate and fragile being/soul and that this is ok...in the past I had learned to treat myself rough and as I am getting older I choose to be kind and loving instead...having left abusers in my life, it is allowing me to find that I am uniquly tender and loving...and these are good qualities not characteristics to put me down for...I want to identify myself with a princes....and I want to find people that feel and treat themselves and others the same way....this is my dream....kindda be a baby again where there is no danger to be yourself fully and completely....I am learning to cope with abusers....out of my willingness to see and learn from experiencing my pain....Yes!

03/29/2012 09:37 AM
madi1823
 
Posts: 279
Member

Thank you for making me see all this in a different light! Your right! Abusers are all around us and they cant accept boundaries.

I am so much like you in the aspect of doing anything for anyone at anytime. I would bend over backwards for people. Never said no to anyone.

And now i have people who dispise me (never happened my whole life) because i deserved better than an abusive husband.

Thank you for this post.. your inspiring me to become stronger and see things in a different light!

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