Emotional Abuse Support Group

Hi Girls,

I have been so good lately and then today i just cant seem to function. I am bawling at my desk, so i thought i needed to get some encouragement.

As most of you know, my parents and sister were on the abusers side of everything when i left, and still are. My brother has been my saving grace. I have been gone for well over 8 months, and have moved on to a wonderful man and an expecting a baby next summer. I have so much too look forward to.

Yet I keep breaking down. Im getting to the point where i think it would have been easier to have stayed with my abuser. I know thats a crazy thuoght, but having my family turn on me the way they are, the things they are saying, are all more hurtful than i ever cuold have imagnied.

I know i am in a better place, on a day to day basis, i laugh again, i enjoy life again, but then when someone else tells me what they are saying behind my back again, i just break.

And the best part is (to me), the kicker, everything that is going on is my fault... all i did was leave a dangerous situation. they caused all the drama about it. i just wanted out of my marriage. Its like i have done the worst thing possible

Just need some hugs today

Hugs!!! And another one for your baby!!

Your hormones may be kicking in an extra tear or two...

But, you have every reason to be bawling!! You went through abuse and the people who are supposed to unconditionally love you are not only not doing that, but they are not supporting you in what was hopefully, the most horrible thing you will ever have to go through.

Why can't they see what he did to you? Why won't they offer a kind word or an ear when you need to vent? What is wrong with them? These are questions I've asked about my sisters-in-law whom I spent the last year helping them understand their abusive husbands. They believe I made up the abuse and/or deserve everything I got because I had an affair. One of my SIL did the exact same thing, only her spouse was not abusive.

The answer I came up with is for them to be able to support me, they would have to look at their own dysfunctional marriages and lives. They are not going to do that. I like to think it's because they aren't as strong as I am or as determined to have a life of my own.

But, it still hurts like hell and I feel betrayed by them. When it comes down to it, I feel like I am unworthy because I was abandoned by them. Truth is, we are worthy and we know it, that's why we had the balls to get the hell outta there! We knew we are worth more than to be abused.

If those around me can't support me, it's their loss. I know when I am healed and out of this transition period, I am going to be one helluva friend and they will miss out on me. So, out with those who aren't worthy of me and in with those who are!

Another hug!!!

If they care more about appearances than about your happiness and safety, you don't need them in your life. You need to go NC with your family and any gossip about them. Whenever someone brings up the subject of your family, stop them and tell them that you really have no interest in hearing about it and change the subject.

LifeAwaits is right too about the hormones. I was always very emotional when pregnant. I'd cry anywhere and everywhere ... church, restaurants, movies, etc. Everything just felt so much more intense to me.

Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

In my case, I hit rock bottom after leaving my abuser then I slowly worked my way back to living a decent life, and then worked it up to a good life. It seems like people hit bottom months after the abuse.

I wonder if we might suffer from post traumatic stress in some way after leaving an abuser?

I think it's pretty common, John. PTSD can be caused by instances of great trauma or by long periods of subtle, accumulative trauam, which being abused is.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time madi. Hugs to you!

John, I suspect most of us do! I know for awhile I felt so on edge in dealing with my family and such that I would jump at any sudden noise. I had to change my rington for awhile because I would panic so much when my phone rang!

Madi,I have been there in your situation when i left my first marriage my family turned on me and it was painful.You are an adult and can make your own decisions!remember that!

Eventually they came around to talking to me again after about two years...I send you a hug!

Thanks everyone, that was the worst day I have had in at least 5 months.

I called an emergency appt with my therapist. Told her I felt I was regressing and am starting to have abandonent issues. She told me she wasn't surprised, that I was abandonded by my husband, my family and my friends.

So I have to go back to basics, read bandcrofts book again, get back into my crafts and try to stop thinking so negitively.

Also made me realise how scared I really am. I'm always looking over my shoulder, watching cars, scanning for farmilar faces. After those threatening calls last month, I'm back to when I first left. Terrified of what he is going to do to me.

As for my family, meg u r right. I have to stop hearing it all, I know its happening but I can't kEep hearing it, its too devistating and I need to protect my baby right now.

Ptsd, john I agree and think we do. We all lived through such horrific things that it can totally happen..

hugs, madi.....I understand why this happened to you. i've been there too.

you know what you need to do and what your priorities are at this time. If anyone else has a problem with that it is not your problem, but theirs.

I am already divorced from my mother and my sister, though they don't know that. I will no longer address either of them.

Do what you must, madi. It's the only thing important right now. Hang in there, hon. I'm glad you will be seeing your therapist.