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03/17/2012 08:54 PM

Latent Homosexuality

Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

I have wanted to broach this topic for a long time, but have been afraid to for fear of offending someone. It's come up occasionally on the board and I really want to ask the question. If anyone is offended by it, please let me know.

Wikipedia defines "latent homosexuality" as:

"Latent homosexuality is an erotic inclination toward members of the same sex that is not consciously experienced or expressed in overt action. This may mean a hidden inclination or potential for interest in homosexual relationships, which is either suppressed or not recognised, and which has not yet been explored or may never be explored in fact."

Many times, my abuser made gay jokes and he and one of his two friends had a running joke where they'd accuse each other of being gay and yet he seemed to get a huge kick out of comedic gay scenes in movies and on TV. That, plus his disinterest in having sex with a real live woman (like me for instance), sometimes made me wonder if he had latent homosexual tendencies.

This, of course, is not to say that all gay people are abusive, but the subject has been mentioned often enough in passing on this board that I am compelled to ask. I apologize if I've offended anyone.

I am just wondering if any of you ever suspected that your abuser had latent homosexual tendencies.

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03/17/2012 09:10 PM
LifeAwaits
LifeAwaits  
Posts: 715
Member

My abuser was very homophobic, but he would watch porn with two guys and one girl. Always freaked me out, but I don't know if that's a control/dominance thing or not.

He never wanted to have sex with me and that was something else that made me think.

Plus he seems to be too homophobic and in weird ways, like not using straws. All that made me think he was hiding his homosexuality.

According to his family, I was his second girlfriend and he was 24. Weird.

Makes me wonder.


03/17/2012 09:28 PM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2701
Senior Member

Oh sure! Mine has had sex with men....at least it was well implied by him and his friends and by his mother too!.....disgusting bec he hides behind the ex girlfriends that he pretends to have in abundance....I read one of his e-mails where he was asking to one of his two best friends if when in town he could use his house and...."can I cuddle with you?" or something along those lines...I always thougth could I have misunderstood it? could he be making a joke to his friend....to what his friend responded something like you know where the key is.....I sometimes, really really think it was just a joke but I do know by other insidents that he has had sex with other men and he likes it...the way that he touched his friends shirt that was new and the way he talk and was responded to right in front of me in less than a yard from amongst ourselves as we were between cars that were parked side by side.....my abuser said...Oh! your shirt is new I haven't seen it before....and my abuser was touching the shirt in the area of upper button of it as he was feeling the material...and his friend said....listen I would love to spend time with you but I have to work and then I have plans, etc......it was very very weird and highly unconfortable....my impression is that my abuser wants the company of his guy and girl friends but nobody wants to be with him!...and he knows this....now here and there, new people like girls do want to be with him....but he is not interested in them for his really time to share as fun...but just to use them and discard them......his life style is a waste of time and I think he is bored and he like to think that he can buy with expensive trips that his friends end up paying him anyways but he provides the house boat, the airline tickets with his free miles...and all so that his two friends can help him drive two cars to his other house 14 hours away and store them for the winter and at the same time to party in the other town where he has the hardest time to hold on to frienship as when people get to know him they hate him.....this is why he moves and travels every 3 weeks so people do not end up getting to know him....this is dangerous for him as he knows that nobody will like him for what he stands....I was very lucky that he let me in to see who he really is, so that I can honestly say I know who he is and I dont like you!

And yes, my abuser even his mother told me that she has asked my abuser and one of his best friends if he is gay...to which my abuser replies that he is not...but in a soft way...he does not get upset...perhaps he even jokes about it...just like when they found out that he smokes marihuana....and I did tell the mom that he smokes marihuana and does cocaine too....he never figured out that I was the one who told her...even though she already had enough idea....she went ahead and found some marihuana and confronted him and they joked about it....but he was offended as if he likes to keep a facade even with his parents....he protects his image very very much with everybody!...this is why I tell you, I was fortunate to find out who he is as a whole...he has different groups in different towns/states where he has manage to keep for several years...and nobody knows him in his entirity but I ....and I am sure I dont know other aspects of him too!....but this is where I get off the wagon...as what I do know I do not like and choose not to be part of.....he is an abuser and he is disgusting!


03/17/2012 09:31 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

I also wonder about the oral sex thing. I mean I know most guys like it, but it seems like abusers are super-insistent upon it and don't really care about any other kind of sex. Yes, I realize oral sex is submissive, but it is also a type of sex two men have with each other.

03/17/2012 09:52 PM
SetmeFree
SetmeFree  
Posts: 400
Member

Meg, I thought my abuser might be bi-sexual for a long time. He had a childhood friend who went to a Catholic HS and my abuser followed his friend to that school....working to pay his own tuition to be there and at 40 years old still talked about his friend obsessively even though he hadn't seen or heard from him since HS. I had trouble remembering names of classmates 5 years after HS, never mind bring them up in conversation 10 times a week 22 years later. It was odd.

I didn't pay much attention to the porn he was watching on line...could have been anything. As I was scavenging through the house at the end looking for anything of value/looking for any pics he might have had of me...I found a stack of pictures of a man's anus and hanging scrotum in the doggy position in my abuser's desk....as far as I could tell they were not my abuser...either way it wasn't the type of photo one would use to attract a woman.

If you looked at my abuser's personal ads with his GF on the kink sites he stresses that he is not gay several times in each ad...which is kinda odd if you are part of a M/F couples who are clearly in search of a 'sister slave'/'submissive female'. I know there a bunch of transgendered people out in the world of kink...but not to the point where you have to post 5 warnings in one profile. What is so hard about a polite "thanks but not my thing" if someone doesn't pick up the clues in your ad? I had a female friend a long time ago that was HOMOPHOBIC (yes all in capital letters...she was that bad)less than a year later she came out of the closet and was OUT and involved in the gay community. It was great to see all the anger turn into happy and joyful.

I truly thought that my abuser was open minded and color blind but in the last few years he became openly racist and anti-gay...well anti male gay...he seems to have no issue with GF saying she is bi-sexual.


03/17/2012 09:52 PM
Go2Girl
Go2Girl  
Posts: 252
Member

I don't think my husband was, but you never really know. As I mentioned before, he was sent to prison when he was very young. He was only 18 and was very much a "pretty boy". I have read things and from what I understand in the way the prison world works, the young men who are in there usually become someones (lack for a better word) b*tch. He had told me stories about how certain men in there would become the "woman" doing the cooking and cleaning and such and performing the functions of a woman in the bedroom too. He even told me one time (in not a lot of detail) that he had someone who would do the cooking and cleaning for him. Makes me wonder if he participated in some of the things he would tell me others would do. He told me of men being raped in there and how one time he was "almost" raped but he was able to fight them off... or so he says. Seems to me if there were a group of guys wanting to do this it would be pretty hard for one young, small man to fight them off. Anyway... most of the guys he would involve himself with when we were together were all much younger than him. It always made me feel a little weird. Not that I think he ever did anything with any of them, but I always wondered why he gravitated towards young men. It was almost like he "took them under his wing" but in a weird sort of way... like trying to be a father figure to them? I don't know, it was just very weird. He was definitely a "homophobe"... still made me wonder. He was very sexually adventurous, almost a sex addict I would think. He and his ex wife were swingers, so I know that he had many different experiences. Said he had been involved in orgies and stuff. Who knows what all he had done. I am sure there are lots of things that he didn't tell me.

03/17/2012 09:54 PM
SetmeFree
SetmeFree  
Posts: 400
Member

OMG mine would not use straws either...thought it made him look gay.

03/17/2012 09:57 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

Come to think of it, mine wouldn't use straws either. He never said why though. Now I wonder ...

03/18/2012 12:10 AM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2701
Senior Member

Oral sex....definitely!....even more one of his two friends who is going through a divorse had oral sex with a gay guy and also a girl to compare who did it better!!!!..he said the they guy did it better..we had left the new year party and did not see it thank godness......and this is the best friend that my abuser had asked if he could cuddle with...so his two friends are are bi sexual and gay too...same as my abuser...and oral sex no doubt over intercourse sex....in addition, there was this one thing I noticed when I was living with him that after taking a shower for a few days in a row (5 days perhaps), in the mornings before going to work, he would clean with toilet paper his annus....I always wonder why? if he had just come out two steps out of the shower!

Post edited by: p92868, at: 03/18/2012 07:41 AM


03/18/2012 03:46 AM
mem7205

I personally believe that abusers are very good at dehumanizing and objectifying other human beings.This would go along with being homophobic and misogyny.If an abuser does not see you as a human being with feelings,needs,identity etc.it is much easier for them to abuse you.To them you are a "thing."I also believe that many abusers have a deep insecurity about their gender.That is why they feel their desperate need to control and dominate.They have to constantly assert their dominance over someone else in a show of power.

Lanna

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