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02/10/2012 01:19 PM

I'm so upset(page 2)

Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14593
Group Leader

"Take away the alcohol and you still have the abuser/liar."

That's exactly what Bancroft says in his book too. Substance abuse and mental illness are completely separate issues from abuse. They may exacerbate the abuse, but they don't cause it and stopping them or getting treatment for them is not going to eradicate the abuse either.

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02/11/2012 01:20 PM
aliceinvirtualreality
aliceinvirtualreality  
Posts: 263
Member

Ok...need to put this in a timeline. 2 weeks ago I went to see a friend and ended up in the hospital for 5 days. I had an anurism in my colon. I went to my ex after the hospital for 4 days then went to my home. I worked too early and ended up weak and almost back to bleeding. Ex said come back to my apartment so that he could feed me. I did because I was too weak to fend for myself. Now the timeline..one day before he picked me up the second time to take care of me he borrowed my car and wrecked it. He told me the next day that he didn't have the insurance he said he had. I am repeating myself a little. Today when he went to an A.A. meeting I started going through his drawers and found a separate checking account which had 3000 dollars in January of this year. I've been at a studio that I lived in the last 2 years and just the last year had a shower and the kitchen sink was put in this Christmas. He has been giving me a 1/3 of his retirement pay and here my car is gone and he has a separate checking account! I asked him why he didn't get a ticket when the accident happened because of no insurance (accident happened 6 days ago and he quit insurance in August)and he told me the police didn't look at the expiration date. Everyone...I'm thinking there wasn't an accident and he just wants the money. I have friends telling me he's full of it and he would have been ticketed and would not have gotten his plates in December. Now my mind is changing reality again and I'm not letting him know that I distrust him or on to anything. He has never been physically violent but he never had to because he was always so good at manipulating me. I'm calling the police station Monday since I live in a small town and theyre not open till then. Will they even give me info if they're was an accident? He told me where so I can be detailed. This town is so small we don't have a traffic light. It would be a big deal here. Then I'm calling a lawyer. I've been blind long enough. Also I took the copy of the money he had in the bank and his account numbers. I have a few days left here so I'm praying he doesn't look for it. I'm kinda scared.

02/11/2012 01:57 PM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4948
Group Leader

Alice, he very well might be full of it. His story really doesn't add up. Driving without insurance is a pretty big deal! Cleary he is hiding things from you (like the money), so you should definitely be suspicious.

Is your name also on the car or is it just his? I imagine if your name is on there too that you could get information, but you never know until you ask. They might have a public "police blotter" that you could have access to too. Since it is a small town, they might even just TELL you. Who knows?

Please be very careful though... you're right to be worried. Abusers often don't use physical violence if they don't need to, but they might resort to it if they sense they are losing control of you. Have you taken the MOSAIC threat assessment test yet?

No matter what happends, you should call a lawyer. Kudos to you for documenting what you can though! That's smart!

Have you contacted your local DV shelter for resources/help?


02/11/2012 02:05 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14593
Group Leader

I agree. I worked as a claims adjuster for an auto insurance company years ago. Driving without insurance is a HUGE deal. People lose their licenses over stuff like that. Additionally, he would have been contacted by the insurance company of whomever he was in the accident with either for a statement or to find out how he was going to pay for their insured's injuries/property damage.

You can't believe anything an abuser tells you. Abusers are, by their very nature, selfish, self-centered and not in the least bit interested in truth and honesty. Definitely contact the police on Monday. I think they'd tell you. Why not? Also, regardless of what happens, you should contact an attorney.

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