Emotional Abuse Support Group

I know being in an emotionally abusive relationship can cause us to self medicate etc.I do not drink or smoke or do drugs but I think I have a problem with comforting myself with food.Does anyone else deal with this?

I notice that when I am really stressed I like to eat.I do not eat healthy either and it is taking a toll on me.Would like to hear your stories.

WandaLynn, I do this too. I completely understand. Even though I have been separated from my abuser for over three months, (almost four) I still struggle with emotional eating. I think its going to be a habit that dies hard...but I won't give up!

For me, sweet comfort foods and treats are like a 'friend'...something I can turn to for a little pleasure that's all my own. Yet I didn't only eat just after an abusive event, usually I was too overwrought. It would be later, when he was gone, that I would indulge myself. I had zero self-discipline. I remember feeling that he is so mean and cruel...that I couldn't be 'mean and cruel' to myself, by denying myself the goodies. I know thats twisted, because its so unhealthy. But I always saw it as an indulgent, defiant self-pampering thing: akin to long baths or lying in a soft bed....which I also did....the level of pain is so constant, so severe, that we cling to anything, anything, to make it stop, even for a few minutes. I so totally understand!

Hugs,

Autumn

Yes! my belly is getting bigger so this morning I went walking with my neighbor who I had not walked in many years! she left her abuser and had him and her son move out of the place!....I am aware that stress can take a tow on your body.....so as simple as a walk can help a great deal......with my jobs schedules it is a challenge make some time to just exercise, etc......also a bit drinking at nights....but I am aware and allow myself to drink one glass of wine, if I do more, then I make myself aware...and for now I have it under control.....I take a variety of vitamins and antioxidants something my pocket can afford ....but yes I wish I had more of a routine for work that can allow me to schedule more extenous exercise where I thrive......but my looking for jobs does not let me rest at peace in the sports arena......I have been also eating can foods, and breads that are more affordable and less time consuming to go to the groccery for vegetables and fruits.....but I am aware of this I need to push me to spend more money that I am not making or prioritize so that I go to the groccery store that is more affordable, etc....I do miss my healthy nature habits......

Hug,

Patricia

Ps: I wanted to add: as the abuse continued and my spirit dwindled, I gradually stopped doing any/all of the things that used to bring me pleasure. No more hobbies, I didnt have the energy. I didn't go visit, be social, or have anyone over. I couldnt go shopping, he controlled the money. As my world shrank, all there was left to do was eat.

So cultivating new hobbies may be part of the answer....

A

Post edited by: AutumnDreams, at: 02/02/2012 11:16 AM

Emotional eating is pretty common.... for me sometimes I think I eat for a few bad reasons: 1) Sugar highs/temporary boost of energy. So much of this process is exhausting and I feel like I NEED the energy, but from all the wrong places of course. 2) I think in a weird way I'm trying to fill up a hole that's still left inside of me where my self-esteem should be. I'm not fulfilled... I still feel empty inside and food is comforting.

I've gained a ton of weight in the past couple of years and I'm so ashamed about it. I have also been healing from a knee injury which doesn't help matters of course. I've been back on a cardio program for the past few weeks but it sure is difficult to maintain. Exercise just makes me feel so much worse... it's like something about my body moving and being active stirs up all sorts of awful emotions tucked away deep inside my body. It's not fun, but I think it is probably good for me.

My eating still isn't completely under control, but I'm cooking more "clean" food instead of eating the easy pre-made stuff or going out so much. I still need to work on the portions, but at least it is a step in the right direction. I find that if I try to change everything at once it all crumbles, but that perhaps I can change one or two things at a time until it becomes more of a habit. Here's hoping!!

Also, if any of you are interested, there is a really cool new website out there called www.fitocracy.com which is free to join but you need to get an invite (sometimes they post invites on twitter if you follow @fitocracy or if you are really interested I might have one or two left on my account) It helps encourage you to track exercises and makes fitness a bit of a game. It has really helped me stay on track and start logging my progress and it is a neat little community with very helpful folks of all fitness levels too.

Autumn, that is so true! Especially when you're stuck in the house all the time, it's no wonder we turn to food!

The trick with exercising is finding the kind of sport that gives you a kick!...I am an athlete and I will not get out of bed for an aerobics class or a routine of cardio exercise or lifting weights or such....I have to have a ball I am chasing and having lots of fun....just like when you were a child......now when I walk with my neighbor I feel awesome because we talk....so in my case I am not thinking I am going to exercise to loose weight but I am thinking what do I have fun doing....some people like swimming and to me it is boring....also very very important your body has to agree with it...I enjoyed playing basketball but my body is not into that kind of running any more however, I love playing squash (like raquetball) and it is aggresive.....my joins are wearing out specially to the level of sports that I have performed so it is very important that your body finds conformt and not pain...hope this helps....it is like eating vegetables and fruits....you have to find the ones that you like and learn how you like to prepare them so they give you the kick of your life!

Hug,

Patricia

Post edited by: p92868, at: 02/02/2012 11:35 AM

For me it was always feast or famine....ate to cope with abusive parents growing up, hitting 300lbs in HS....when my father was dying I did a 180 and started starving myself and exercising excessively(anorexia)...got myself down to a very gaunt 135lbs by the age of 21 before people started following me into bathrooms and doctors started threatening to commit me to eating disorder clinics. I started working 70 hour weeks and the weight crept back on...I was at 190-ish when I met my abuser..but losing in a healthy way....then the weight just piled on...married at 275lbs, both pregnancies at 275...up to 320 back to 275 after birth ...then I blew up to somewhere north of 450lbs...3 years ago....then I went gluten free...realized that the 'crazy' the gluten was causing wasn't me....clearly recognized my situation as abusive for the first time while gluten free and dropped down to 340 once I KNEW I had to find my way out(and got rid of a ton of gluten induced pain, migraines, anxiety, paranoia, loss of muscle control, acid reflux, etc etc etc) ....now I am trying to get my weight moving downward again with lots of stops and starts...hard not to go full on binge or full on restriction...no happy medium in my world. Never smoked, afraid to lose clarity on drugs or alcohol...so food it is. My labs are all really good which irks my Dr. ...non fasting sugar is at 80, cholesterol is awesome...bad is low, good is high...150 total...blood pressure is a little high for me at 120/80 since I left...usually around 105/60.....doctor ordering EKG and testing vitamin levels now just looking for trouble...lol

SetmeFree, my labs are also amazingly, undeservedly good too! Great bp, cholest. all wnl, great fasting sugars and A1C....makes NO sense! My dr. is glad, but it drives her nutz because she wants for me to acknowledge the unhealthy-ness of my current behaviors. (sedentary, overeating, eating junk and sugars etc, headed toward diabetes....) I feel grateful, guilty and ashamed....how do I deserve this poor, long-suffering body, after all my neglect?! By all rights I should be a mess. But at least now that he's gone, I have time and the chance to turn it around, before its too late.

Patricia, actually a large hurdle I'm having to overcome right now with my diet is that I realize I really didn't get fed well as a child. We had plenty of money and all so it wasn't that we couldn't afford it, but my family very rarely cooked and we never had vegetables or any kind of fresh food. I was making myself mac&cheese from the box by the time I was in kindergarden and pretty much lived off of stuff from boxes or frozen dinners. My parents really didn't care much about making sure I ate healthy, which as a child I thought was all kinds of awesome, but nowadays I'm really paying for it.

Once I got into college I tried to learn to cook a bit for myself and I was completely lost. I hated all vegetables (except maybe corn!), and the smell of a salad actually made me want to vomit! Nowadays I've expanded out A LOT, but I still don't LIKE most foods that are traditionally "good" for you unless they get slathered in hot grease or covered up in some other awful way! I've found a few things that I've managed to grow a liking to, but it's still difficult for me.

As I'm trying to improve my diet I'm constantly reminded of just how little my parents cared about my health as a child. I actually cried the first time my boyfriend's family asked me to come over for dinner and we all sat at a table together for a home cooked meal. We never did that in my family... we didn't even eat together at all. As a child I just stuffed myself with anything and everything I wanted without restraint because hey, my parents didn't really care as long as I was quiet. They didn't care if I got the nutrients I needed to grow, or if I gained weight and got high blood pressure... Somehow even by the time I was in 5th grade, my father blamed my weight problems on me.. I was a child! A parent is supposed to teach their children the good habits and help guide them!

I was always overweight when I was little, and when I was in high school I managed to lose some weight to get to a reasonable level, but then it skyrocketed again. I was always active in sports but I was always fat too. I was in better shape than I am now though, and I'm hoping to get back to that a bit. I've failed so many times before though it is hard for me to keep up hope that I can do better this time. I'm in a pretty big slump right now to be honest, but I've still managed to stay on my cardio schedule anyhow... my heart just isn't into it though, which makes it tough.