Emotional Abuse Support Group

Im frustrated!Just got my car on the road again and I came home and found out I have a flat tire.I wonder if my husband did it to sabotage my efforts.

Im a bit upset...when I told my Mom and Stepdad about the abuse (well mainly my Mom)my Stepdad keeps telling me he thinks my husband is just frustrated about not being legal here in this country etc....my Mom's theory is he feels stuck(stuck with me?what does that mean?)

They have all these excuses for him but they just dont understand what is really going on.

So its okay to abuse people when you are frustrated?????whatever!This is why I dont even like to share about my abusive situation.

There are plenty of illegals here who aren't abusing their spouses. As for your tire, you should take it in to a tire place or a mechanic and ask if it looks like it was tampered with.

That's why I think you would thrive in a support group at your local domestic abuse shelter. Everyone there understands perfectly what you're talking about. It's just like talking to us here!

yes,I need some support from people who understand what Im going through...today I sat down with my husband and it is rare that he listens but we talked and I can tell you that I get sick to my stomach when I talk to him.He cannot understand or aknowledge the abuse at all.I told him that our daughters are going to think it is okay for husbands to mistreat their wives etc and that they might get into abusive relationships one day...he of course never admits to any of his behavior as being wrong.It is like talking to the most ignorant person on the planet.May as well talk to a rock.

I tld him that he scares his daughters often and he just shrugged it off...he is justified in everything because we are wrong.

All you have to do is call Immigration Nationalization Services and have him deported and you will never have to worry about him again.

Sorry I know that sounds harsh, but f**k him. You deserve so much better and Meg is right, there are a lot of illegal immigrants that do not abuse their wifes.

He sounds like bad blood to me. And its not only his responsibility to raise your daughters right. Its yours. You need to set the bar and show them that men do not treat women this way and the best way to do that is to drop him. If he's illegal, he's probably not contributing much financially anyways...ouch, I hope its okay to say that.

I don't mean to feel that way but I don't know very many illegals who live in middle class housing.

And if your daughters ask what happened to their father, just tell them that daddy got deported and that there is nothing you can do.

I really hope I don't sound to insensitive there but you and your girls are better off with out him dragging you down and altering your perception of what reality should be.

Wandalynn, nolongertrapped is right, have him deported!!

Are you joking? Being illegal should be a reason for him not to abuse you at all, when an illegal immigrant breaks the law there's the immediate deportation, that's the same everywhere in the world.

Many relatives can't figure out what's going on in our lives, especially because most of the time we hid what was going on to the outside world, at this day I still have to tell my mum I was raped. And I don't think I ever hid anything from my mum, we always were very close.

Wanda, I'm just curious to know what you thought would happen when you sat down and had this little talk with him.

Wanda, you need to find your voice again. You have all these amazing women in here telling you how amazing you are and how amazing your life can be. And you have that dip shit treating you like your an illegal immigrant in your own country.

He's the illegal immigrant, not you. He's the abuser, not you.

There is no excuse for his behavior, I don't care what kind of stress he is under.

And your selling yourself short by being with him.

hey ladies I have been busy lately but I read your posts and thanks for all your advice.

You wont beleive this but it isnt as easy to deport someone as you think...it is rather difficult.He has a decent job,not great but makes more than alot of Americans i know.

Meg,why did i have the conversatiom?He was talking about being verbally abused by guys at work and how it hurt him and i said"why does that hurt you when you do it to other people everyday?"thats how it got started I think.he rarely listens so I thought I would see if something could get through but i know it wont.

I still feel responsible if the girls lose their Dad forever...I know you all wont agree with me but I wouldnt want to lose my own Father.Their is also an issue of child support that I will expect him to pay if we seperate.

I'll bet your father wasn't abusive though. My kids adored their dad when they were little. As they got older and he began abusing them too, they'd beg me to divorce him. Now THAT'S a real heartbreaking thing to hear from your kids!

Wanda, what does the money he make have to do with his illegality (from a legal prespective I mean)? I understand that you would miss the money, but that doesn't change the fact that he's illegal.

Regardless of being illegal or not, he's an abuser. Bottom line. One way or another, he needs to go!

As a child with an abusive father, I can tell you that an abuser is NOT a real father. It just isn't. My parents stayed married for almost 10 years but lived together divorced for another 8 years because they wanted me to have a "two parent house". (quick recap of my situation: My mother was abusive to everyone including my father, but my father also abused me.)

In reality, I suspect my father wanted to use me as an excuse for him not "pulling the trigger" on separation and now he blames me for "making him stay" in such an awful marriage. I don't think you're that kind of person Wanda, but I can tell you this: children in a home with unhappily married parents, and worse, abusive parents... they suffer.

First of all, abusers almost ALWAYS begin to abuse the children. It's sad, but true... especially for the girls with a male abuser I think. I can't think of anything more heartbreaking to witness, to be honest, and I don't even have children. I'm still wounded from the scars from my family, and sometimes I feel like it will never be fully healed.

Secondly, you set an example for those girls. I learned SO many bad habits from my parents' broken marriage that I wish I had unlearned sooner! I had to suffer my own abusive boyfriend before I figured it out, and there are wounds there that I'm still trying to heal. I learned from my father that the "noble" thing to do in a relationship was to take everybody's crap, be quiet, and for the love of God please don't make a scene! Boy, did I ever take that lesson to heart! I put up with way too much crap because of my warped ideas on what makes a good relationship! I see it in my sisters' relationships too unfortunately... it is awful to see the same mistakes repeated. Even with education, these basic concepts of marriage and relationships are ingrained in us all from a young age and most women never figure it out unfortunately.

You are NOT responsible for the loss of their father. Your abuser decided not to be a proper father. HE took away the father they deserved, not you. If it was up to you, he wouldn't be an abusive jerk that forced you into this situation right? Facts are facts, and he is the one that decided to break the rules here.

I'm not sure what kinds of rights you have to child support at this point, but the only way to find out is to contact your local resources and maybe even a lawyer. Even if you didn't see a dime, wouldn't it be worth it to save your children and yourself from this toxic influence? This man is poison to you and your children. They might not see it yet, but as a mother certainly you can understand that sometimes you have to do things for their own good.