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Emotional ForumsGeneral & SupportWhy not commit suicide?
01/15/2012 03:18 AM
NoMore123
Posts: 30
New Member

Hey all, in all reality, I am a man who was severely abused by the mother and grandmother. Now I'm working ultra hard to make myself well off financially but it hasn't happened yet, regardless of all the work I have put in. I did graduate college with a B degree though.

Why not just shoot myself? I have psycho mother and grandmother. I do love myself but I can escape so many problems in life including the lost years when I was abused by my own mother and grandmother. I can die and leave life.

I'm not depressed just not sure I can keep up with life. It takes so much and I lost so much time being abused. The abuse kept me lost and crazy for years. I was barely able to survive and live a normal life. I managed to some point.

My father loves me and many love me for who I am. I think I'm an extremely good person. I'm fun and have the potential of doing many good things for the world I live in.

But then again, I can buy a gun and shoot myself. I feel sorry for my dad, my good relatives, and my dog. But... I want to be in piece. I really do. I'm tearing up now, but why not?

I want peace and harmony. So bad.... I have already seen peace and harmony in my past, regardless of the abuse, so I know how it feels. I do want it now and I don't have it.

I have been away from my abuser for 3 years. I have recovered and feel calm and somewhat content, but I'm not regularly happy. It comes but the fear of not making it financially affects me badly.

Well, that's all I have to say. Thanks for listening.

Reply

01/15/2012 03:52 AM  Top
aliceinvirtualreality
aliceinvirtualreality
 
Posts: 240
Member

Try therapy yet? I have been abused, neglected and sexually used since a young child. I don't laugh like others. Dont know what it's like to feel real love or to love genuinely. There is one thing I do know though...my abusers are not going to win. They didn't care how much they destroyed me and if they did they would get a huge laugh out of it. You see..I'll laugh last. I live! I have a soul! I have compassion! They have nothing. Darkness and evil are their closest friends. Who put the idea in your head about needing lots of money? The greatest things in life are free. If you need to be financially wealthy or well brainstorm. Suicide is not the answer. Get help PLEASE!

Previous discussions I participated in:
back from hospital
Abilify and hypo-mania?
I have no life

01/15/2012 07:57 AM  Top
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 11180
Group Leader

Hi! I am so sorry for all you've been through. Talk of suicide is a subject that is taken very seriously on MDJ. We are not trained counselors here, only a support group. We cannot provide therapy. I would encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They are very helpful from what I understand.

Also check out therapists in your area. If you go to psychologytoday.com, you can put in your zip code and get back a list of local therapists that includes information on their education, their style of therapy, their specialties, their office hours, their fees, etc. Many of them work on a sliding scale.


01/15/2012 08:30 AM  Top
p92868
p92868
 
Posts: 2068
Senior Member

NoMore123, I am terribly sorry you are hurting and I am glad that you are writing how you feel.....if I were in your shoes, I would start to make some phone calls....I remember some long time ago I called the suicide line and it helped me tremendously.....and I was not depressed but under a lot of pressure.......it makes me sad when I read of people like yourself that are feeling like ending it as if you dont have control of the outcome and I think a lot of this has to do with your mind and not with reality....yes, we do need money, tell me I am trying to get a full time job and have 2 part time jobs and continue to change my status of jobs and I will not give up until I get more settled in one way or another.......

I hope that the suicide hot line help you, also the domestic violence line (800-799-7233) can be helpful......I called them yesterday evening...but I refuse to give up...I have learned lately that the circumstances of my having been abuse are not going to affect my physical health.....it is not worth it!....I do have control of this and I will find a better situation sooner or later....I know I will not give up!

Good luck in your journey and keep on trying!

Hug,

Patricia

Post edited by: p92868, at: 01/15/2012 08:33 AM


01/15/2012 09:03 AM  Top
Lanna
Lanna
 
Posts: 1903
Senior Member

Nomore123,Im very sorry you are hurting.No matter how dark things may seem today they CAN get better tomorrow.We never know what good things may be waiting for us around the corner.When you have been abused(And I was, both by my Mother and ex husband)we tend to see the light at the end at the end of the tunnel as a train coming to run us over.But that is NOT always the case.When you believe you deserve peace and happiness in your life you attract those things to you.Please take Megs advice and call the number she suggested.

HUGS.Lanna

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 01/15/2012 09:04 AM


01/15/2012 09:27 AM  Top
WandaLynn
WandaLynn
 
Posts: 946
Member

I know you are hurting and financial times are hard but you have to live day by day and not worry about what tommorrow is going to bring.I am in the same situation financially...

but i have to keep hoping things will turn around.You can't give up!Stay close to the people that love you and treat you good and stay strong for them and for your dog.Don't lose hope!

Hugs

Hope is the last one to die...

01/15/2012 02:16 PM  Top
aliceinvirtualreality
aliceinvirtualreality
 
Posts: 240
Member

Nomore123 I won't know if this will help but when I left my husband, I just had 2 rooms that were filled with heavy molds, carpet glued to the floor and no shower or kitchen. I showered at other homes and washed my dishes in the bathroom sink for a YEAR! I now have a kitchen sink...not enough cupboards since I went garbage picking for them. I now have a shower with plastic stapled to keep the water off the walls. I now am getting electricity to run a stove. It's almost 2 years now. Just got out of hospital and have really no one to take care of me but after all that I guess I can get through this too. I have no sense of humour just a sense of determination that I will SUCCEED! Please do the same. Listen to the wise ones here. I'm new so I can offer my only 2 cents. Iunderstand your pain but there is another day tomorrow.

Previous discussions I participated in:
back from hospital
Abilify and hypo-mania?
I have no life

01/15/2012 02:52 PM  Top
Tryingtomanage
TryingtomanagePosts: 99
Member

Nomore123 --We are here for you!!!

Previous discussions I participated in:
POEM
The Deal
Abuser Memories

01/18/2012 07:05 PM  Top
Angelface08
Angelface08
 
Posts: 218
Member
I'm an Advocate

I am so sorry you are going through this its hard when parents abuse you! Its really hard trying to escape abuse and be whole again. I went to a really dark place for to long but I came out the other side. You just need to have patience with yourself and work your problems how maybe a therapist? so you can come out the other side whole and shining! HANG IN THERE!
I have epilepsy,Myasthenia gravis,ADHD,Asthma,HSV, recovered ED, free of abuse, HSV and depression. I wont be a victim of abuse.

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
Mother Teresa

My advice is all from personal experience I am not a doctor, do not substitute this for medical advice :)

03/28/2012 01:46 AM  Top
NoMore123
Posts: 30
New Member

I'm sorry, I get that eerie feeling every so often. I'm ok for the most part, but when the memories hit me, they hit me hard. I'm working on it. Everything takes time.

Previous discussions I participated in:
Abuser trying to lure me back in
Horrible Day
Very lonely
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