I still have trouble falling asleep at night...still afraid to lie down, still have panic attacks a few nights a week. I am living on 3-4 hours of sleep a night and it's worse on the nights that he has he kids and every single sound in the house wakes me up. I feel myself falling into the hole. I am holding it together for the kids, keeping to a routine...when I would prefer to just lose myself in fantasies about running away. I feel that I still need to be on my toes, drug induced sleep seems kinda reckless though I am pretty sure he wouldn't break in here unless he knew for certain my mom and her husband were out of town. Anti depressants scare the crud out of me...my abuser's first wife took prozac after the divorce...had a baby with cranial defects and at the age of 38 she dropped dead from high blood pressure/low potassium levels. Right now I am fighting to stay awake(don't want to look like a slacker to my mom and afraid I will miss the bus stop...it used to be car rider pick up/walk pick up)..I will get through homework, dinner and bedtime and at 9 o'clock I will be afraid to lay down...so I will keep myself awake until 2-2:30 until my body shuts down(sometimes with my heart beating wildly from panic) and the alarm goes off at 5:30 and the cycle starts again. So do I get a psych referral from my therapist or just ask my primary care doctor? I am already getting my thyroid tested due to icy cold hands and feet and lots of hair loss for the last 4 months...maybe I should wait for those results...sorry rambling trying to get through to day caffeine free to force sleep earlier |
