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12/11/2011 12:52 AM

Mutually Emotional Abusive relationship ending....

lundholm11
Posts: 4
New Member



Post edited by: lundholm11, at: 12/11/2011 05:44 PM
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12/11/2011 01:24 AM
NaniCam
NaniCamPosts: 288
Member

Luddholm 11, please tell me what you were doing to her. I am sitting here in tears blaming myself all over again for what has happened in my life. I need to know from someone real what exactly you do and why. I was never physically harmed or threatened, never yelled it. Mine was subtle, covert, but I still have pain and wounds. Please share your behavior with me.Also,what was she doing that you question.

I learned as an adult that my mother had been emotionally abusive to me. It seems so common....

Post edited by: NaniCam, at: 12/11/2011 01:29 AM


12/11/2011 02:48 AM
lundholm11
Posts: 4
New Member



Post edited by: lundholm11, at: 12/11/2011 05:44 PM

12/11/2011 06:58 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

First of all, I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to be in a relationship with them. That has big red flag written all over it.

Secondly, while I understand your feelings, abusers do not usually find themselves a welcome addition to our board. Many victims are struggling day to day with the effects of their abuse. Some are hanging on by a thread. We've even had some who considered suicide. There may be more who just haven't spoken of their desperation.

This board is essential for victims because they need validation, resources and an outlet for their emotions. When an abuser is on our board, victims don't feel safe enough to open up and speak freely.

For this reason, MDJ has created a board specifically FOR abusers. I am sure that if you go there, you will find the support and understanding you are looking for. If not, then I suggest counseling.

Personally, I think it's very selfish and self-centered for an abuser of any sex to come to a board for abuse VICTIMS and expect to find support, understanding, sympathy or advice. It's kind of like a rapist going to a support group for rape VICTIMS looking for understanding and advice. It just doesn't work that way.


12/11/2011 09:37 AM
nolongertrapped
nolongertrapped  
Posts: 863
Senior Member

You have a lot of nerve coming here looking for sympathy.

I don't sympathize with you at all. There are plenty of us who have been abused, by our parents or our spouses, and none of us actually resort to abusive behavior. Its a choice that you make inside your head, to hurt or cause injury, whether it be physical, emotional or pscyhological. You know exactly what you are doing when you are doing it, and you wonder if and why she is ever going to contact you again and apologize to you.

She absolutely does not owe you an apology.

I did the same things to my abuser that your ex girlfriend did to you. I BEGGED him to move out, 30 times maybe 50 times...did he ever leave???? OF COURSE NOT! Instead he would use emotional black mail, "OH I'm going to kill myself, I'm going to slit my wrist, what about teh kids, what about Jennifer, don't you realize that if you leave me your leaving her behind too?" Never mind that I didn't want to be with him...somehow he was able to overlook that aspect and just make me feel guilty all the time for wanting to leave him.

I thought I "loved" my abuser, but all I did was pity him, and in turn...I hated him! I still hate him. And guess what, I got his daughter now too. Yeah, after we broke up and he continued to harrass me and threaten to committ suicide and make me feel guilty about leaving him and BLAMING ME leaving for HIS OUTLANDISH BEHAVIOR, I finally had enough and called the cops too. And that dumb fuck finally reaped what he sewed. All those pity party threats about not wanting to see his daughter any more because he couldn't bare the site of her. All those threats about killing himself and not wanting the girls to see him because he didn't want them seeing him that way. All those PATHETIC panic attacks over the phone where he couldn't breathe and he started BAWLING AND BLUBBERING and insisting he couldn't live without me or the kids...and then all those times he PROMISED he would get better but the second he realized we weren't getting back together, he completely quit doing all the work. Even when he was in counseling, the only reason he was there was because I told him he needed counseling. he wasn't there to do any REAL work on himself. His counseling didn't stop him from jumping out of a moving vehicle with both his daughters in the back seat. It didn't stop him from calling me a *Bitch, Cunt Whore Idiot, how dare you act like your better than me you fucking cunt* attitude. It didn't stop him from continuing to harrass me about every little thing. I finally did decide that we could be friends and then guess what. He started calling me ALL THE FUCKING TIME! He started suffocating me, overpowering my will, making me feel guilty for not wanting to talk to him, insisting that I was selfish for abandoning his daughter and making our daughter grow up with out a father. He also called to brag about his new idiot girlfriend...she actually might have been pretty smart, but she had no idea about his abusive behavior, his drug use, his low opinion of women and his self entitled attitude. She didn't know about all the things he was capable of destroying. All the money he ran through, all the things that were mine that he honestly thought he was entitled to because we were in a relationship.

My ex abuser was a fucking bastard! All the times he threatened to commit suicide! He was fucking pathetic...still is to this day. I absolutely have no sympathy for anyone who thinks they deserve an apology from me. I'm sorry I put up with your shit for three years and I'm sorry I didn't leave you sooner and call CPS when I found out you were doing heroin and I'm sorry I didn't call CPS every time you threatened to committ suicide or threatened to hurt me. Cause you belong in prison you stupid fucking felon!

Thats the sympathy you get from me. Assholes like you make me abusive! You dumb fuck!

Please keep coming back! I'll tell you everything I've always wanted to tell my abuser but I can't cause I got a restraining order against him and if I were to ever contact him, I would tell him the exact same thing I just told you.

I don't give a shit how serious you are about getting help. Until you get help and until your able to curb these PSYCHOTIC impulses that you have to make us feel guilty and sad and sympathize with your situation, I have nothing nice to say to you. Cause all you've done is make me miserable for three years of my life. You stole three years of my life and made me feel like I had to take care of you because your mommy and daddy weren't the best parents. What about me? Aren't I entitled? Don't I deserve to have someone take care of me? After all, I'm the person who's not abusive...except to douchebags like you.

Your definately not welcome here! Kiss my ass you dumb mutt! If I could I'd kick you in the balls. Cause obviously you need someone out there to do it for you cause how else are you going to ever possibly realize that your behavior is unacceptable. Not just that, you'll probably find another victim one day to subject to your torture...and you'll come back here looking for sympathy.


12/11/2011 09:42 AM
nolongertrapped
nolongertrapped  
Posts: 863
Senior Member

And to think, I used to be NICE! You know, believe it or not, I'm actually the sweetest person in the world until i hear from or about basket cases like yourself.

You stripped away all of my innocence, all my sweetness and exposed me to all the bull shit in the world. Shame on you!


12/11/2011 09:57 AM
mountainluv
Posts: 412
Member

Nolongertrapped, why did your abuser jump out of a moving car? Just curious because mine tried to jump out of the car because he wanted me to pass the car in front of us and I wouldn't do it. He also called me names, the C word is the worst thing in my mind. I am so glad I didn't have a choice regarding the domestic violence charge and the restraining order. I don't know if I would have done it on my own. The first restraining order, I changed so that we could take care of things that needed to be done, like the tax return. After he stole my journal he want back to jail for the night and another restraining order was placed on him. I don't know if I would have had the strength to stay away if he would have been calling me, begging me to stay, etc.

12/11/2011 10:25 AM
nolongertrapped
nolongertrapped  
Posts: 863
Senior Member

Mountainluv, my abuser and I had been arguing that day. We started fighting originally because we got lost looking for the restraunt. He got upset with me because I was upset with him. He had no regard for car ethics and he didn't care whose car we were in, he wanted to listen to his music and he wanted to listen to it LOUD even if the kids were annoyed, which they were.

So because I refused to "apologize" for getting frustrated with him, he quickly started screaming at me. I refused to even talk to him or defend myself or anything because the girls were in the back seat and I knew that any further discussion on my part would only make him scream more, and I didn't want that for our girls.

I threatened to take him back home, but Jenny insisted that she was hungry and that we weren't taking her daddy home. (Problem # 1 with fighting in front of the kids. They get involved when they clearly shouldn't.)

So we get to the restraunt and he verbally abused me and humiliated me in front of everybody at the restraunt. A woman if he got up and told him that he shouldn't be arguing with me in front of our children. He told her to mind her own business than called her a fat bitch and asked me if I felt vindicated now the "Fat Bitch" came and stood up for me. He made sure it was loud enough for her to hear and I was so humiliated because her daughter was there with her as well. her daughter looked to be Jennys age.

Than we finally left the restraunt, he tried to get Jennifer involved, insisting she was old enough to know what was going on and that she was old enough to have an opinion about the matter. We got into the car and started driving and I couldn't wait to get him home. He started asking me over and over again, "Is it over? Is it over? Your not going to give me a second chance because I acted like this? Talk to me Casey. Talk to me. Why won't you talk to me. Jennifer tell her to talk to me. I can't believe you WON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME!!!!" He was screaming like a mad man. While he was doing that, he took his seat belt off and opened the car door. Jennifer, his older daughter was in tears and she was so scared because her daddy just decided to jump out of the car. And than he had the nerve to blame me for twisting his ankle. LOL. If I had just talked to him, he wouldn't have acted that way.

There is no excuse for that behavior at all! That was the last time I did anything with him with the kids again. A few weeks later he had a fight with his mom, started acting like a shit and was spitting in her face and calling her all the same names he likes to call me. He threw her phone and her lap top and freaked out when she told him she wanted him to move out. A few weeks after that things escalated, he called me bawling, I told him I didn't feel like talking, he gave me the whole blubber speech about how he had no one else to talk to and nobody loves him and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, cry me a river drama, and he threatened to committ suicide and I finally got pissssssedd off and I said ENOUGH! Thats it. I'm never talking to this crazy person again.

I went no contact and I've been extremely happy since. And my daughter is safe now too. She doesn't have to be exposed to his crap anymore. I just feel bad for his daughter. i wish she were mine, she deserves a good and stable home. He's so selfish. She won't have any money to go to college because he's taken all of his money and he's burned it all on alcohol, pain killers, and all other sorts of drugs...and when she's old enough to go to college he'll be sitting there feeling sorry for himself because he doesn't have the money to send her to college.

Abusers are so predictable.

I know what you mean about calling you the "C" word too. I feel like its the worst as well. I'm so desensitized to it now cause I heard it so many times when I was with him. I remember before I met him though I never even dreamed of saying that word. The "C" word was about on par with the "N" word that biggots use to describe some african americans. I never would have used it, I was raised at a very young age to never say words like that.

Abusers really do bring out the worst in us...at least while we're putting up with their crap. Than we get smart and leave them for good and stop talking to them all together and we're completely happy and free and better people for having left the dumb jerks.


12/11/2011 12:39 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Wow, and I was worried that the presence of an abuser on our board would keep victims from opening up!

12/11/2011 03:19 PM
nolongertrapped
nolongertrapped  
Posts: 863
Senior Member

Haaa! I look forward to him coming back. I thouroughly enjoy dissecting the crap that comes out of their minds.

What the hell was he thinking?

And there is a group out here specifically for abusers? Who runs that one? Its got to be a mad house!

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