Emotional Abuse Support Group

Well my husband has moved in with his girlfriend they have been date for about 5 or 4 months so it seems. we have been separated for almost 7 months. well he and our kids, her and her kid took a family photo on sunday. my daughter who never wanted to live with me in the first place what's to live with them now because he is financial stable now. they have two incomes he told her he couldn't do it before that cause he could not afford it but made more money then me and I have both kids. I'm sick and trying to get ssi. talk about him still hitting me below the belt. I told him we should do joint custody so we have equal time with the kids. I have been asking him this since the split but he keep blowing me off then when he started staying with his girlfriend he started getting them more. One of those time that I asked him He said I must be trying to do something and need him to keep the kid. Meaning I must be trying to go on a date or something. Or if I needed help with money I was told I wanted the kids so deal with it. He told our daughter that she can come but not until after school is out for the summer because she will have no way to get back and forth to school. So I came up with the idea since she and our son are really missing him; for them to go over there for the christmas break the whole break and I told my daughter to call and ask him. Well I missed up again I was accused of trying to make him look bad. I should have called him to see if he had the time before i said something to the kids. Because his working 7 days a week 10hr days. Which I didn't know. and I was getting their hopes up high by having them call (our kids are 17 and 14 yrs old) and he has to let them down because of his work schedule so I was trying to make him look bad and not trying spending enough time with them. He was mad cause it was my idea and not the kids. was I wrong?

No, you weren't wrong. You cannot win with an abuser ... EVER. They won't let you. For them, any argument, no matter how small or who started it, is war and they absolutely will not let you win.

Do you have an attorney to help you with your money issues? He should be paying you something!

Also, have you read our group bible, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft? If not, do yourself a huge Christmas favor and get it. It's been a huge eye opener for many women as Bancroft has worked with thousands of abusers for nearly 20 years. He really knows how they think and what motivates them. Once you read this book, even before you get halfway through it in fact, you will no more doubts or confusion about his behaviour and you will never blame yourself for any of it again.

I put a link to it below on Amazon where you can read reviews of it and a chapter for free, but you can get it at any bookstore or even your public library. If your library doesn't have it, ask if they can get it for you via inter-library loan. Also, check out our thread entitled "Random Bancroft" as I quote random passages from the book there.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/ 0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323316900&sr=1-1