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12/04/2011 03:20 AM

Ways abusers stage their return into your life.

mem7205

WAYS ABUSERS STAGE THEIR RETURN INTO YOUR LIFE:

He will threaten you,stalk and harrass you.Barrage you with phone calls,e-mails,texts,show up unannounced wherever you happen to be etc.When that doesn't work he will ................

Turn on the charm and promise to change.Apologize,bring you flowers,tell you how much he loves you.When that doesn't work he will..................

Find religion.Start going to church.Tell you that good women submit to men.Tell you that you have to forgive him and give him another chance.When that doesn't work he will...............

Threaten to kill himself.Tell you that he cannot go on without you.When that doesn't work he will............................

Threaten,stalk and harass you again.Call you names and tell you what a heartless Bitch you are for not taking him back.When that doesn't work he will....................................

Contact all your family,friends and co-workers and tell them what a horrible person you are and that he never abused you.When that doesn't work he will....................................

Become Father of the year.Begin taking a interest in your children and use them to manipulate you,pump them for information about you and threaten to kidnap them if you won't take him back.When that doesn't work he will..................

Tell you that the abuse was all YOUR fault.If you hadn't pushed him,argued with him,if you had followed his rules,done what you were told etc. the abuse wouldn't have happened.When that doesn't work he will.....................................

Go into therapy and tell you that he is going to be a changed man.Then he will manipulate the therapist and blame you for his abuse.When that doesn't work he will.............................

Try to make you jealous by telling you that he is going back to his old girlfriend or ex.When that doesn't work he will .........................

Threaten to kill you if you do not talk to him or take him back.When that doesn't work he will........................

Go back to begging you to take him back and promise you that the abuse will never happen again.When that doesn't work he will............................................

Tell you that you are responsible for making his life so miserable.If you would just take him back it would all be better..........................

When that doesn't work he will.............................

OKAY YOU GET THE PICTURE.LIFE WITH AN ABUSER IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL.EVERY SINGLE THING HE SAYS AND DOES IS AIMED AT MANIPULATING YOU.EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS A LIE.IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROLLING YOU.DO NOT FALL FOR AN ABUSERS GAMES.

Lanna

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12/04/2011 08:24 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Thanks for posting this again, Lanna. It's a great reminder for everyone!

12/04/2011 08:28 AM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2699
Senior Member

Lanna, this is a great description of the abuser......eventhough my abuser has not done all of the above, he is done lots of them.....I cannot comprenhend how an intelligent person like myself would want to go back to the act of Mr. Wonderful....I feel this way now....and then when I reason with my feelings, I realize that ALL of his relationships will be the same....so not feel jealous of any of the situations that he may find himself in and not to wonder of where he is and what he is thinking......I need concentrate in myself.....making me my center of my existance......everything else will fall in place.....my need of love, I shall find it in myself.....I need not be tempted thinking that the abuser can love me or anyoneelse....I will be fine.....because I do love myself, I love life, and I have fun with any situation I have....I will stop thinking and feeling about the abuser.....I attribute my relationships to abusers (father, brother, sister, mother, grandmother and 2 boyfriends out of the 10 relationships I have had) to my forced and unfortunater upbringing, I had no choice.....now I do and all makes sense.....and in time with the full force that I am applying to this subject, I will get out.....I have left my abuser 5.5 months ago and there are times I feel so good, going into the right direction and others I feel I miss the act of Mr. Wonderful.....and I find the more I read, the more tools I adquire to continue my journey to abuse no more.

Thank you for posting the lines above, I had to return the library book 2 days ago Why Does He Do That?.....I hope to check it out soon again....it is one of my sources to sanity and making sense of why I miss the act of Mr. Wonderful.....it makes me feel I find the abuser throughout these lines and helps me identify myself in a way that gives direction to my life and to find the light at the end of my tunnel, myself....

Hug,

Patricia


12/04/2011 08:40 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Patricia, you're right ... all of his relationships WILL be the same. I am sure if you ever looked up his past girlfriends, you'd hear a lot of very familiar stuff from them too. Once you start learning about abusers, both your own and other people's, you really how much alike they are. They don't change ... ever ... except to maybe get even more abusive.

12/04/2011 11:47 AM
nolongertrapped
nolongertrapped  
Posts: 863
Senior Member

It completely 100 % makes sense. I read this again and I couldn't agree more. My abuser went over this cycle about five times before I finally just cut him out of my life.

Its also interesting to me as well cause my Grandmother and my father completely cut off his father for the longest time, refused to talk to him, only let me visit him once or twice a year. It didn't make sense to me when I was younger, cause I always thought my grand father was such a sweet man..but when I look back on it now and my father tells me about the things he did to him when he was a child and the crazy cycles he pulled with my grandmother before and after they got divorced...I can completely understand why they cut off contact with him.

I didn't see it until I became a teenager, but my grandfather was constantly manipulating my dad, trying to make him feel sorry for him.

They would also tell me stories about what my grand father's family was like and some of the things he would get angry about and I could help but thing..."What a crazy F**king man".

I just think its so interesting because of how similar my story with my abuser is so similar to my grand mothers story with her abuser.

I thank god every day that I have decided to break the cycle when I did, when Katie was only a year old.

My father was 8 when his parents got divorced, and he was 14 when he didn't have to go see his abusive father anymore...and some how magically, after my father resorted to heavy drug use and not so good company, he was able to break that cycle and become the best father I could ever imagine having.

Some of us are lucky and we're able to break the cycle and get away from the crap. Some of us..become the very abuser that we hated so much growing up.

I'm greatful for this post cause it reaffirms that I am breaking this crazy cycle.

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