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10/26/2011 06:57 PM

Hey everyone...

twilli12
twilli12Posts: 277
Member

I have not been here for a while so a brief update...

My husband and I went to mediation in September. It was a complete disaster. So now we are scheduled for Trial January 11th. In the meantime he has our daughter on Sundays from 1-7 and Tuesdays from 6-8. He is living with his brother who is on trial for sexually assualting twin 9 year-old girls and our daughter is 9. So he does not have a safe place for her to stay that is why he does not have her over nights.

I am unemployed since we owned and operated a lawn business. My plan is to attend school after the first of the year. I am living off of a savings account that is growing rather thin. He is making thousands per week and is taking our daughter out to eat, shopping, to the movies, and so on for every single visit. On the other hand I am afraid to eat 3 meals a day. It is one of two expenses I can control. My food and gas. Sad

He is paying the house payment, my health insurance, and the utilities here. We haven't spoken in a month. He is going to a church we use to attend that enabled his abuse. He is getting all kinds of people on his side and it makes me angry. He is an abuser. He is the one in the wrong. He is the one who has ruined my life.

But he makes all the money, gets visitation with our daughter, abuses her emotionally, pretends like he is freakin dad of the year all of the sudden and I am the one with out a job. Our house is on the market. And my whole world is upside down. But as we all know that is part of the game. They make us as miserable as possible so we will go back to them.

I am in counseling with my local domestic violence shelter. So is our daughter. I am getting help with food from my daughters school. And they have offered to help me with Christmas too.

Sometimes...I still want this to just be over though. I get tired of fighting. I get tired of the fear. I get tired of being sad. My feelings pass but they still come. So...I am hanging in there. Some days are really ok. Others not so much. But all in all I am in a better place than I was in March when I filed.

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10/26/2011 07:17 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Isn't he giving you any child support? This situation sounds exactly like my girlfriend's situation. He wouldn't give her a dime until a judge ordered him to. Consequently, she was forced to use credit cards for just about everything. She saved all the receipts though and when their divorce was final, the judge told him he had to pay off those credit cards of hers because he hadn't been making any payments for child support.

Is your church helping you? Have you ever thought of taking in a boarder, like maybe a college student?

Don't get upset about the people he is getting on his side. They don't know him. They are choosing a poor excuse for a man as a friend.


10/26/2011 08:14 PM
twilli12
twilli12Posts: 277
Member

He is not giving any child support. Sad He owes 290$ from July he agreed to pay. He can't even pay that. Jerk. I am going to ask to see if the church I have been attending can pay my car insurance due in December.

I considered taking in a friend to rent but the idea of the house being on the market and not sure where or when I will move has kept me from that idea.

I know even bad people have allies. But now that it is my abuser it makes me angry and (as if this matters!!) IT ISN'T FAIR!!!!!!!!! Wink


10/26/2011 08:16 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Well, what does your attorney say about the missing child support payment?

10/26/2011 08:17 PM
twilli12
twilli12Posts: 277
Member

Because he is paying the mortgage, my health insurance, and the utilities here that is suppose to do until court. Sad

10/26/2011 09:07 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Well, then how does he have money to spend so lavishly on your daughter?

10/27/2011 04:25 AM
twilli12
twilli12Posts: 277
Member

Since he gets all the business he is making probably 3,000 a week bring home. He has plenty. I on the other hand... Sad

10/27/2011 06:19 AM
WandaLynn
WandaLynn  
Posts: 990
Member

Hi Twilli,

I understand about the "Dad of the Year"my husband spoils our girls and basically worships them and i wonder if he does it just to show his affection towards them to make me feel like im not loved.He treats me like the scum of the earth.They think Dad is great and they dont realize how abusive he is to me(or do they?)

I asked for gas money today and he told me to find a job...i know it is tough right now but stay strong and you will get through this.I have you in my prayers.

Wanda


10/27/2011 06:41 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Twilli, I just don't understand that. How does he get away with not paying what he is LEGALLY supposed to pay?

10/27/2011 06:44 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Wanda, I'm not sure how old your girls are, but he will turn on them too at some point. I saw that in my own family. My abuser couldn't spend enough on our daughters ... was extremely attentive and loving toward them all the while he was abusing me. I didn't care though. I'd rather have had him abuse me than them. When they got to be pre-teens and started becoming more independent, that's when he started treating them like he did me and God help them if one of them ever stuck up for me or refused to give in to him.
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