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09/28/2011 08:38 PM

curious feedback from Bancroft's book

jennjean

I was reading Amazon feedback on the book. I was curious about some of the low rated responses. The low feedback responses are critical of the "feminist" perspective in this book. One person posted that his wife left him because of the book, and that he thought that the book was destructive to marriages. I'm interested to know what you all think of these comments. I am not agreeing with the comments at all, but just curious how to rebut them. You can look up the book on Amazon and read the feedback next to the # of stars.
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09/28/2011 08:48 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

Oh my, that is exactly what one member's husband had to say about the book. And he nearly killed her more than once. All that feedback tells you is that the poster is an abuser.

09/29/2011 06:37 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

I think those responses are very typical for an abuser. I wouldn't expect an abuser to see that book as being anything but destructive. Keep in mind that an abuser is getting everything he wants in his marriage. He certainly doesn't want his spouse suddenly having her eyes opened to the reality of the situation.

09/29/2011 12:53 PM
Tryingtomanage
TryingtomanagePosts: 99
Member

I don't think abusors want to be exposed. I bought the book a few weeks ago which has

helped me stay strong in my decision to leave two months ago. I went from counselor to counselor trying to find one that would say "yes you should live with a man that scares you to death" but I never found one. After years of him not changing I had to except the truth.


09/29/2011 10:33 PM
mountainluv
Posts: 412
Member

I just went to amazon to ready the comments you were talking about. one person said that the victim is at fault too, and that she must be getting her needs met or she would leave. What an ass. Yeah, I stayed married for 15 years because I needed to be verbally and emotionally abused. Whatever

09/30/2011 04:17 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

I am sure that's an abuser's feedback too and I am convinced that an abuser developed the whole concept of "co-dependency" in the first place.

09/30/2011 12:53 PM
behindthemask

I read the book "in secret" for that reason - fear of what he would do if he knew I had it. hey, guess I am braver than I thought to have it in the first place... it helped clear my vision, even though I haven't left,, I feel better about ME... that I'm not at fault... I guess we should start adding feedback - as long as its anonymous!

09/30/2011 02:24 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

That's exactly right and that's why I recommend the book so highly to everyone. Even if you are not in a position to leave yet, this book does A LOT to open your eyes so you can stop blaming yourself. Once you see the abuse for what it really is, you can make much better decisions for yourself and it's so good to finally feel free from all the blame and the shame they heap on you!

09/30/2011 06:21 PM
jennjean

I did read the book several months ago and I cannot tell how relieved I was to just begin to feel like I am not completely at fault. Today I was driving home wondering, though, why do I still feel like I don't have a right to want to leave? Now my husband is being very nice, but I am much more aware of when he changes ever so slightly according to how I respond. When I was beginning to feel more trusting that maybe things might work, I called him to talk. It was as if he knew that I was "back" again, so he could start going back to his old ways. Without even thinking, I just took off my wedding ring after that phone call. I am always questioning myself and my feelings, but that instant reaction of taking off my ring tells me that maybe I am getting stronger than I thought.

I'm so glad to be able to come here to talk. And it's reassuring to hear your responses to that feedback. I found myself reading that feedback and feeling guilty again.


09/30/2011 08:27 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

Leaving is a process. All you need to do is take baby steps and you will still get there. Just keep talking, reading and putting your safety plan in action. Get counseling if you can too.
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