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09/27/2011 02:15 PM

Just sharing...

TarnishedHalo
TarnishedHalo  
Posts: 458
Senior Member

I find that in writing my poems it helps to release my pain or rage. I wanted to share with you all on here and I hope that is ok. Wishing everyone strength to battle on, Light in the darkest moments, peace in chaos, and happiness in utter despair. Please know that you are cared about....

I find no answers in your eyes, never knowing where I stand,

To have you for awhile is all that I demand..

I know I should walk away when I see your empty grin

Yet I play with fire and you pull me farther in.

You give me just enough of you to make me want to stay,

then I look into those eyes haunted with yesterdays,

I try to pull you from the darkness into the light...

but this battle is neverending and against my soul I fight.

You do not know my tender soul or the way my hearts been broken

Or the way I have to bite my tongue when my words remain unspoken,

Both having walls to climb, yet neither seems to go there,

I wonder will we ever even have a prayer?

Tarnished...

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09/27/2011 03:47 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I love this, tarnishedhalo! One of the things that was so hard for me with my abuser is he set me up all the time to be the "perfect" partner, I was supposed to be this incorruptible angel that was supposed to "save him" from himself. And he gloated when I couldn't succeed.

We aren't angels or demons. We are human beings. And it's a lovely, lovely poem!


09/27/2011 03:59 PM
shelley67
shelley67  
Posts: 1017
Member

I can completely relate to that peom as well, thank-you for posting it. It's good to know I'm not alone in what I did, staying with my abuser for over ten years, because he would suck me in with throwing me a crumb of love here and there. Thank-you!!

09/27/2011 04:18 PM
shelley67
shelley67  
Posts: 1017
Member

I just sent this peom to Toni (Twilli) she is going through a very hard divorce right now.

I just added one line, hope you don't mind for her, at the end Should I stay or Should I go? (like the new book) thought that would be a good last line for her right now.


09/27/2011 04:51 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I've been thinking of you two (Shelley and Twilli)! I'm sorry she is having a hard time...

09/27/2011 07:41 PM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

You write beautifully (I like it cause it's similar to my style of poetry)... know I felt your pain thru those words- which I'm sure spilled out on the paper in rapid succession fueled by inspiration...I'm sorry your heart knows this kind of hurt- thanks for sharing, and for the healthy tears that fell...

09/28/2011 07:55 AM
TarnishedHalo
TarnishedHalo  
Posts: 458
Senior Member

"perfect" partner (per Izzy87) Yes I know what you are relating to here, mine as well would refer to me this way. I have grown to DESPISE this term. I was pure of heart, perfect, kind...beautiful...all the things he needed to manipulate me. Of course, he was not PLAYING me in anyway. Until he his guilt finally got to him and he admitted he lied to me all along, but it was the only way he had a chance to have me, but he didn't lie about his feelings or emotions for me, yeah right. Sorry you either lie or you don't.

09/28/2011 07:59 AM
TarnishedHalo
TarnishedHalo  
Posts: 458
Senior Member

Shelly67, I can totally relate to the crumb of love, though I feel it is a crumb of emotional manipulation to keep you around as they do not want to be alone. At least with this man. He as much as admitted he has a woman that he has been on/off with for over a year and it is a matter of just not wanting to be alone and she gives him what he needs/companionship *ie sex my opinion on his terms* no entanglements or emotions involved and he did not plan on falling for me..again whatever. I have to be strong and think of me now. Once you have broken my trust, it is not often you get a second chance to do it again.

09/28/2011 08:07 AM
TarnishedHalo
TarnishedHalo  
Posts: 458
Senior Member

bfly, I have lots of poems I will probably share if that is ok. Unfortunately they are a bit dark as I seem to get hurt quite often in life. I am a co dependant/enabler and tend to want to fix. I find that in doing so, I end up broken in the process. I do know that each time I get in these relationships and give so much of myself honestly and tenderly, deep down through either friendships or relationships, somewhere eventually these people realize that I did the best I could and I can finally detach knowing that. I just wish people would be honest about thier issues, I am. No one is perfect that is for sure, but this last person that tugged at my heart had medical issues which affected his emotions, his thought processes and his actions. He should not be putting dating ads out there as he is not in my opinion and even when lucid I think he would admit, able to pursue a relationship. I understand not wanting to be alone, NO one does, but do not tell someone you LOVE and ADORE them, that God destined for them to be in your life, That your perfect for each other, that if only you could run away together..etc...if you never meant any of it.

I do not say words I do not mean..once they are said, it is hard to take them back. Sad


09/29/2011 09:38 AM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

Sorry you had to endure the negative relationship...just learn from it as much as you can to soften the blow a little!
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