Emotional Abuse Support Group

Oh my gosh! I about died. I was asleep and the next thing I know he is climbing into bed laying beside me. I didn't know what to do so I just turned over and faced the other way. We layed there for 30 minutes and he even fell asleep! The next thing you know he is trying to put his hands up under my covers!. I stopped him with my hand and he just rubbed my arm for a bit.

Then it gets scary! He tries to put his hand on my breast so I stop him and say "stop". He doesn't. He keeps movinghis hand around and I am moving mine around so he doesn't touch me and he tries again to touch my breast and again I say "stop". He then scoots closer to me and takes his face and mouth towards my breast and he is pushing my hand away so firmly that I couldn't stop him so I scoot out of the bed onto the floor totally naked!

I am sitting there on the floor trying to cover up with the corner of the blanket! After a few minutes he says get back into bed. All the while this is going on I am thinking...Is he going to rape me? If he does I can't scream because my daughter andher friend are upstairs and I cannot traumatize them by having them walk in on a rape!

So after a minute or two of him asking me to get back into bed I ask him to scoot over and I layed back down.

He lays ther for a bit and then gets up and rubs my feet for a minute or two and gets out of the bed and goes downstairs.

He was too strong. I would not have been able to stop him if he didn't listen to me. Nothing happened but...will there be a next time?

This is horrifying twilli! Can you keep a phone by your bed to call the police if he does that again???

Or, can you get a lock tomorrow for your door?

Post edited by: Izzy87, at: 05/20/2011 09:38 PM

If this isn't grounds to get the fu#K out of that house Twilli I don't know what is. Go to your mother's for the weekend. I mean it. Go. Take "R" and her stuff that she needs for the weekend and go. He will do this again. It's just like with Brian and you know that.

A man that hits a woman will hit again, well it's the same thing with this, he will try it again. He's desperate now, nothing else has worked, he tried to control you through your son, look what he did to him lately! That didn't work because your son found another place to live, and another job. So now he's trying this.

Brian went out and bought frigin Viagra I told you this, the same dame week I'm packing and leaving him. I haven't sleep with him in over six months, maybe more, and he goes out and spends a hundred dollars on his "vitamins" as he called them, to try to seduce me into getting into his web of lies again, to doubt myself to leave the farm. Then he lied to my face that he even bought it, just dropped off the perscription. They lie and munlipulate and twist things, and use their children even to get to you.

You don't want to leave your beautiful house and property, so he's trying now to seduce you into stopping this divorce. GET THE FREAK OUT, go for the weekend to mom's and then call your lawyer Monday morning and tell him this.

You know that there is that stupid no sex rule about divorce there, it will stop all you have been waiting for if this jerk does this again, and then says it wasn't rape, you wanted it too. How are you going to prove him wrong, your word against his in a twenty-five year marriage, they will say they can't say whether you said stop or not, and it's very hard to prove rape in a marriage, most judges just throw their arms up and shrug on that.

Your daughter was afraid the other night, you were afraid the other night, your son you know what has been going on with him, trying to control you through him, now this?? No, Twilli this has to stop and now. You just can't stay there anymore, it's not safe and you said how strong he is, he goes to the dame gym everyday to work out, you are no match to him, and then what? No divorce, or start all over again? NO!!!!

Call me tomorrow if you can, any time, even very early, this has to stop. If I was closer to you, I'd be there in a heart-beat and we'd be packing you up!!! I know I'm not suppose to be pushy here girls, but I know Twilli and she knows I mean only good with her, so it's okay to tell her this, she tells me the same when I need it.

Okay, girl, call me as soon as you can and we have to make a plan here and get you out of that house, what will it be next?? He will rape you, it won't just be your breast next time, and it won't just be his arm next time, and you won't be able to get him off of you. You can't scream because like you said, the girls are there, or even if it's just one girl, your son is out of the house, and your defenseless now. Man I wish I was there with you. I'm not built very big, but I can really get in someone's face when they do shit like this to someone I love.

There is no way in hell that a judge will deny you half of the income when it's become unbearable and unsafe to live with him through this divorce. Your lawyer who is a shark as you have been told, will fight this for you. Dame that man. ` :mad

Post edited by: shelley67, at: 05/20/2011 11:01 PM

OMG, I am stunned! I shouldn't be though. I know abusers will pull every trick they can to get what they want. It reminds me of my ex who I twice caught trying to have sex with me when I was sleeping! I can just feel your revulsion in your words. I am sure you were frightened, angry and nauseated at the same time. I am certain he planned this sexual assault for when your daughter had her friend overnight, knowing that you wouldn't be able to make a scene.

What is the no sex rule in your state that Shelley mentioned?

Do you have a lock on your bedroom door? I would definitely tell your attorney about this.

By his actions, I can tell you that he may have asked for a divorce, but he definitely does NOT want one. I think that as time goes on you will see increasingly disturbing behaviour from him, even after you leave.

Post edited by: Meg1129, at: 05/21/2011 07:49 AM

ACKKK!!! Your words just send chills up my spine! I think Meg is right: he probably deliberately waiting until your daughter had friends over knowing how you wouldn't want to make a scene. Is that sick or what?

I'd also be interested in what this no-sex rule thing is all about... I wonder which states it applies to? I know my parents were contemplating divorce before I was born (but obviously were having sex...) so I have to wonder if this might be why they didn't get divorced before!

The sex rule in Twilli's state is that you can't have slept with your spouse for 90 days before the divorce process can continue. If you have sex with your spouse during the divorce process you have to start all over, and wait 90 days (three months) again!! I think this is a stupid rule, never heard of it in Canada and we don't have that here. We aren't even asked about any sexual relations at all here. But I guess in some states you guys have this rule!! Twilli knew the last time was when Amazing Race finale' was on! Her lawyer laughed. lol

I told Twilli I was going to tell on her if she doesn't say anything here. So here goes!!! Sorry Twilli!! She laughed when I told her this so hopefully she's okay with it. She's having "THE DOUBTS". He's being nice, the honeymoon phase is going on, and even though she's scared of what he might do tonight, she's having THE DOUBTS, that maybe he has realized he's losing his wife and kids and part of the business etc etc. that maybe he has CHANGED.

Twilli describes him as being always negative, never smiles, always entitled, she's always stupid (he looks at her like she's stupid) he controls what she does, where she goes, all the money, he calls her every few minutes when she's out, she has said he's digusting and she hates him just the other day. But because he's been courteous by pulling the big truck with the trailer around for her, and had their worker do the same, she sees this as a change and that he's realized what he's losing so he has CHANGED!!

I'm only telling on her because I know a man does not change, not without intense therapy and the list that Meg provides on "Has he changed?" Maybe you can provide that list here for Twilli.??

I know how she walks on eggshells, has to go as soon as he pulls into the driveway when she's on the phone with me, gets literally sick with fear that she will be CAUGHT on the phone, misses meals to avoid seeing him in the kitchen, now he's been nice for a day or two and tried to sleep with her and she's thinking he has changed!!!

SOS for my best-friend please!!!!

Okay, I understand that no sex rule. I think my state had it too when I was divorcing my ex because it kind of sounds familiar. My guess is that it's one of those old rules that is still on the books and the reason for it is to make sure that the wife isn't pregnant with the husband's baby before they divorce. Nowadays, that doesn't make any difference because pregnancy tests can be performed so much more quickly and paternity tests can also be performed to verify that he is the father. Like I said, I think this is an old law. I'm surprised it's still being enforced. I mean what's to stop him from lying and saying the two of them DID have sex? How could Twilli possibly prove they didn't? How could he possibly prove they did?

Twilli, I really hope you get out of that house. If not, get a tape recorder or a video camera or a camcorder and keep it hidden in your room when you go to sleep. I really think you should get out though. All he's doing is trying to instill "DOUBT" in you by treating you nice. I guarantee you, the day after you call off the divorce, he'll be the same old piece of dirt. So many times that I tried to make my ex move out, he would demand that I give him 30 days notice and within a week we would be back into our same old routine...nice for a couple of days...than we start bickering...than my father goes out of town and BAMMMMM! Back to those crazy psychotic fights. I finally left Jon and I did it when he was being nice cause not more than five days prior to him being nice he was screaming at me at the top of his lungs and threatning to take my daughter from me.

You seriously need to request a temporary restraining order. That way he can't even live in the house while you're in the process of the divorce. You have me on edge Twilli, that is some pretty scary shit.

Yeah it's a dumb old law, and Twilli remember the other thread you wrote? He yelled in front of our daughter?? See it was only a few days ago that he was mean, this is what abusers do, play with your head, make you doubt what your doing and we fall for it so easily because we are loving, caring people with big hearts that allow these abusers to take advantage of us. They know that they can go for our emotional side and win us back, especially when it would be so much easier if they weren't abusive. I could have stayed at my farm, I could have opened the door and let the kids just run outside and not have to watch them every second that they are outside. I wouldn't have to be the one to clean the poop out of my five year old butt twice a day, or put up with his tantrums on my own, or have to deal with Matthew on a daily basis. I would have my dogs and my garden to do this summer. I would have the birds outside that I love to watch. It would be so much easier if he wasn't abusive!!! I have done the this is not FN fair thing for weeks now. It isn't fair, it's not fair for you either to have to leave the beautiful home you finally have, and worked so hard for. It's not fair that we both married assbeeps that constantly hurt our feelings and play with our emotions. You have been living isolated and in fear for years now, so of coarse you want to keep the faith and have the hope that he finally changed. But I have serious doubts that he has Twilli. I wish he would for your sake so you could have that house, but I seriously doubt that a leopard can change his spots. If I told you that Brian said he loves me the other day, which he did, and told you well he must have realized that he has lost me and the kids and it's not worth it to him, so he changed!! Would you buy it? You'd be having a cow on the phone now wouldn't you?? Same thing here!!

I love you and no matter what you do or decide to do I'm here for you, friends forever, but I will warn you and tell you what I see, even if you don't take my advice that's okay, your still my best-friend and I'm always here for you. xxoo

Shelley is right. Another reason we fall so easily for their nice act is because they know exactly what you want to hear or see them do. Abusers have a remarkable ability to know all of our fears, hopes, dreams, insecurities, etc. and they file that information away so they can tailor their threats and their nice act to zoom in on those exact things, thus making them so much more effective.

Twilli, I really don't think you want this man. I think you are utterly revolted by him. I think the only reason you are hoping to see a change is so that you don't have to leave your beautiful house and you don't have to face an uncertain future with regard to your children and your health insurance. I don't blame you one bit for that. Change is very, very scary. If he hasn't been physically violent toward you, staying is an option that is still on the table, but don't kid yourself that he is a changed man or that he will ever change. You are much too smart to pull the wool over your own eyes.