Hi and welcome to the group! You are a wonderful friend to stick by her and still want to help her. She is very fortunate to have you!
First thing you can do is to encourage her to come to our forum. We have all been through or are going through the same thing so she will find lots of support and great advice here.
Secondly, you can buy her a copy of Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." Bancroft has worked with thousands of abusers over a 20 year span and developed the first treatment program for them in the U.S. Additionally, he works very closely with the courts to try to change the laws regarding child custody and visitation in domestic abuse situations. He really knows how abusers think and what motivates them. That's why this book has become our group bible. I guarantee you there is a light bulb moment on every page. I included a link to it below on Amazon where you can read reviews of it and a chapter for free right now, but you can get it at any bookstore or even the public library.
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/
0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1303316463&sr=1-1
The third thing you can do is get a book for yourself called "To Be an Anchor in the Storm" by Susan Brewster. It's a guide for families and friends of domestic abuse victims on how to best help them. It is a great book which I cannot recommend highly enough. Again, I have provided a link below to the book on Amazon, but you can get it at any bookstore or even your public library. If they don't have it, ask if they can get it for you via inter-library loan.
http://www.amazon.com/Be-Anchor-Storm-Families-Friends/dp/
1580050379/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1303316787&sr=1-1
Another think you can do is urge her to call an attorney and find out what her rights are. Abusers throw threats around so easily and they are so convincing that we forget that they don't make the laws. She needs to find out exactly what her rights are and what she can do to protect herself. Most attorneys do not charge for a consultation so she can feel free to call several if she wants.
Also, urge her to call her local domestic abuse shelter. They have lots of resources for women in her position. Some even have weekly support groups that she may be able to join. She could also get referrals to attorneys and therapists who are experienced in the matters of domestic abuse.
Once again, thanks for sticking by her! It sounds like she needs all the support she can get right now.
"When I first came to MDJ, I was in need of peer support in dealing with issues of my childhood abuse. I was moving away from the painful issues and trying to find an uplifting group of people to help me transition to a thriver in my life. I found that here. I also found a group of peers with Fibromyalgia and found the same uplifting experience there. My computer crashed and it was a while before I found my way back, this time with issues related to Parkinson's Disease. I had tried a few other support sites before reminding myself of MDJ. On those, I never got a reply. I finally found my way back here and again found very supportive, caring and inspiring people who made me feel like I was 'back home'. Indeed I am." (ThereseML)
