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04/16/2011 07:15 AM

Hard couple of days :-(

twilli12
twilli12Posts: 277
Member

Well...I don't like to say negative things here or be a downer but I need to share what is on my heart as behindthemask suggested.

As you all know I am still living and working with my husband with whom I have also filed for a divorce. So on Wednesday he asked me to work and I did and then he asked me to work on Thursday too. He is overwhelmed. Which is a daily thing and it has been my job for 22 years to fix his issues. Whatever they are. He needs me to make everything better all the while I am still a complete failure. Ok. So that being said...I have had an allergic reaction to some IV medicine I took back in February. The skin on my face is tender, red, swollen at times, and just plain old painful. Being outside in the sun or the wind burns my face like I have put acid on it. Seriously. So working with him to ease his stress causes me a great deal of pain.

I went to the Dr. in between yards on Thursday and she said if this round of steroids does not fix it I will need to see an allergy dr.

Because our lawn business makes a great deal of money between now and June my attorney told me to do what I have done in the past so that I will still get half the income. So...I have no choice but to work and be at his beck and call which just drives my crazy. Seeing his abusive, controlling, manipulative behavior more now than I ever have makes it that much harder to be around him. On Wednesday he went to Arby's and I was following in my car. I am thinking "THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I CAN SIT DOWN AND HAVE LUNCH WITH THIS JERK!!! I WILL VOMIT!" Fortunately he got the food to go. Dizzy

Then he wants to know why there is so much money missing from the bank account. I told him I paid the bills you gave me. He still thinks I am stealing money. Our money that I earn too, but in his eyes he is the only one worthy of it. So I am still dealing with the lies, manipulations, and abuse as always. Sad

I am making a great deal of money and that is the only reason I am still here. The money will help me to support our 2 kids when I move out. So I get that but sometimes I could scream at the top of my lungs some words that you all would not want me to type and words I do not use except when it comes to him! Devil

This won't last forever but sometimes getting through the minute is hard. In the end it is a major benefit to me and my beautiful children but....just getting there.

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04/16/2011 07:52 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

(((Twilli))) First of all, do you have a wide brimmed hat? I sure hope so! I will pray you for ... for your health issues and everything else.

Secondly, when my girlfriend got divorced, they both had to turn over all their financial records which were then combed through with a fine tooth comb so an accurate accounting of their assets and liabilities could be made. It was during that process, the lawyers on both sides discovered what she'd warned them they might and that was that he was attempting to hide money. After that, every bill and record he turned over was doubly scrutinized.

I don't know if your finances will face such careful scrutiny but I imagine they would with a business involved. That said, maybe you can assure your husband that once you have to turn over all of your financial records to the court, if EITHER of you is stealing money, it will be found out and dealt with swiftly. I would be sure to put the emphasis on the word "either" too because many times abusers accuse us of doing the very things they are doing. Hopefully that sobering thought will be enough to shut him up.


04/16/2011 08:01 AM
twilli12
twilli12Posts: 277
Member

Meg I do have a wide brimmed hat and I wore it. My son even commented on Thursday...Nice hat! I almost cussed him out! Which is so not normal for me. Truly.

I know you all believe me now. I didn't in the beginning. But I know now that you all know what I say is true so that helps a great deal. I can prove every cent I have spent with no questions asked! Quickly and precisely so I have no worries on that end. Just him accusing me is so hard. Sad


04/16/2011 08:30 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

I know. We are so used to jumping up and defending ourselves against their accusations that we never really stop to think beforehand how ridiculous they are and not even worth our time and energy. It's a knee-jerk reaction from years of living with an abuser.

04/16/2011 09:08 AM
nikki156
nikki156  
Posts: 142
Member

Twilli- I'm really thinking of you right now and I hope your health improves soon.

You are doing marvellously and the fact that you are putting up with him and still enduring his patheticness is testament to you and how strong you are as you wouldn't be doing it otherwise.

You are an amazingly strong woman that continues with this for the sake and love of your children which I completely admire. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I know you will reach it.

Nikki


04/16/2011 10:12 AM
behindthemask

Twilli, I am sorry you have to go through this... how much longer? My husband too never trusts me with finances - he went to a lawyer when I left for a night, bc he thought I would empty out the bank accounts and leave the country??? First of all I don't even know how to do that - he doesn't even know me. My heart is not vindictive. And I know you are the same.

I pray the steroids help you - and God gives you the strength to hang in there just a little longer! You can do it - in the end is peace and freedom I pray...

Love you and stay strong we have ur back xoxo

Post edited by: behindthemask, at: 04/16/2011 10:13 AM


04/16/2011 12:27 PM
mem8980

How awful to have the stress of an allergic reaction on top of everything else!!

Are you putting your half of the business earnings aside, so he doesn't suddenly empty the account?

Keep strong and safe Twilli, always be on the lookout for any tricks.

xx


04/16/2011 01:11 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14599
Group Leader

"he went to a lawyer when I left for a night, bc he thought I would empty out the bank accounts and leave the country???"

Because that's what he would have done. Remember, abusers project their thoughts and actions onto us. They can't imagine anyone else not thinking the same way they do.


04/16/2011 01:38 PM
Pylea
 
Posts: 47
Member

Exactly Meg. My husband did the exact same thing. I went to NYC with my sister and her family for the weekend. I love my brother-in-law's family and I got the opportunity to finally meet one of my close friends. During that time my husband turned off my cell phone, reported all of my credit cards as stolen, changed the locks on the house, made my brother who lives with us promise not to let me in or he will be kicked out, and messed with my IRA I have set up so that I would have access to some quick money. I was supposed to feel grateful he thought to do that much for me even though that money was coming out at a nice tax penalty for me lol. It never even crossed my mind to attempt to do any of that. Then, he wanted me to get rid of the extra cell phone I later bought because he cannot trust that I won't use it to contact someone to help me get out. It drives him nuts that he cannot control that lmao. I had to give him full access to every account of mine and let him know what I am doing at all times to show that I am worthy of his trust. All just a control thing! I am there with you Behindthemask and Twilli! We will persevere!

04/16/2011 11:04 PM
serenityandpain
serenityandpain  
Posts: 316
Member

I'm so sorry twili, I hope the steroids give you relief. Don't ever worry about being a downer, just vent vent away. I can't imagine how hard it is to be in your position of needing to spend so much time together like you are. You are very strong and I wish you the best. You are right you are there for your kids and it is your money too! But like meg said take caution about finances.
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