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03/31/2011 05:11 AM

Weepy today

Posts: 11
New Member

After coming out another, although thankfully brief, emotionally abusive relationship, I am trying very hard to change my usual patterns. The relationship was so brief because, although I initially ignored the red flags before getting involved, I very much listened to them towards the end of the relationship. I felt so proud of myself for doing so.

I still work with my recent ex, although, thankfully only for one day a week. I am responding to him in a professional manner but only over things work related.He tried to engage me in a conversation yesterday, I am getting a puppy soon and had been excitedly telling other work colleagues about it. He had over heard the conversation and waited until we were in the room alone before asking me about it. My response was very short and curt, I was irritated he was trying to engage me in a conversation. Again, I was very proud of myself.

Today, however, I am feeling quite weepy. It is ridiculous that such a little thing would start me off. I am having to act out of character for myself though and I think this is why I am feeling upset. I am a 'nice' girl. I find it very difficult and stressful to be offhand or rude to people. I usually try to make the peace and let things go. I know it would be very detrimental for my well being to be the 'nice girl' in the situation with my ex. I am experiencing feelings of being in danger ( it sounds quite dramatic doesn't it :-/ ) and have massive walls built up at the moment regarding my ex. I feel as if he is trying to suck me back into his 'nice guy' image, trying to make conversation with me and acting interested in an event in my life.

Why am I so upset today..................................


03/31/2011 05:57 AM
Posts: 94

They do that, I think they seen that commercial were women are from mars and men from veinus, Well I remember in that stupid commercial the guy said get the women to talk and she will come around.. Funny thing is we do... Congrats on your new puppy Smile

stay strong.

Also you beeing short is not being mean. They need a tone of there own sent back to them..

good luck girly..

03/31/2011 07:30 AM
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I think your feeling of danger is justified, personally. I don't think your gut will steer you wrong. You don't owe him niceties or friendship, that's his sense of entitlement creeping in.

I think there is a book about this by Beverly Engel, I have not read it but it's been highly recommended by many others in the group, called the "Nice Girl Syndrome." I have gathered it's kind of a social construct that pressures girls and women to be always nice, forgiving, sweet, etc. I see pressure all the time about how women are supposed to put the needs of others first, and that pressure is hard to fight, even when we know it is hurting us.

Follow your gut. Trust YOU, and put yourself first. You are doing great!

03/31/2011 08:28 AM

gracey153,You can trust your own instincts.If they were telling you that you were in danger with him then you probably were.If they are telling you now that he is trying to suck you back in with his "nice guy" routine then he probably is.Your gut feelings will tell you the truth.Listen to them.

If you feel weepy that is okay.Get a box of tissues and rent a sad movie and have a good cry.Sometimes that makes you feel better.Get your emotions out.There is no shame in crying.


Post edited by: Lanna, at: 03/31/2011 08:29 AM

03/31/2011 09:53 AM
Meg1129Posts: 14593
Group Leader

One of my friends actually believes that crying gets rid of toxins in your body. She feels that way because she notes that she always feels better later after she cries. I thought a lot about that after I heard it and I have to agree with her. There is a strong mind-body connection. I rarely get angry, but when I do, I always come down with a bad cold about two days later.

I have a Chinese acupuncturist I see occasionally. One morning before I had an appointment with her, I had an argument with my ex. I was steaming about it, but by the time I got to the doctor's office, I had shelved it all and put on a happy face and demeanor. When an acupuncturist examines you, they take your pulse in six different areas of your body. While she was taking my pulse, she out-of-the-blue said, "You shouldn't let yourself get so angry. It causes poisons in your body." I was stunned! How did she know? She had to have detected it in my body, but how?

So the bottom line is that if you feel weepy, you should let yourself cry. It will do you good physically and emotionally. And as Lanna said, listen to your feelings. They are your emotional GPS. I'm sure we all have stories of when we've ignored our feelings and regretted it later. Subconsciously, you are picking up on something that your conscious mind may not be aware of yet or want to admit it knows.

As for being so nice that you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, imagine this. If your abuser attacked you physically, would you fight back or worry that doing so might hurt his feelings? Abuse is abuse whether it's physical or emotional. When the possibility of hurting someone's feelings comes at your expense, then you need to put your own feelings first.


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