Emotional Abuse Support Group

Ok so this is my situation. My husband is being really nice right now. He is afraid I mean business (a divorce). I was making plans to leave and one of them was getting another job. I had just talked to him about this on Wednesday. I have also secretely given my mom some money to help me and the kids when we leave.

My question is this....would it be a huge mistake to wait and take advantage of him being nice, get a job with benefits, put some more money up, and develop my own credit history for my children with a new job of my own. I am so concerned for their welfare and my health issues. I know this is risky because I have a jump start with him bringing all this up himself, and I wonder if I will lack the courage to initiate this myself in a few months.

I do not want to make a mistake. I do not want to live like this anymore. However, would waiting just a bit longer benefit me more in the long run? I don't know. What do you all think?

I think that really only you can make that decision, has this happened before where he's nice for awhile if so how long did it last? I just remember how many time I threatened then he would get nice for a couple of days and then all hell broke loose again. If you do stay make sure that you get everything done and don't procrastinate I only say that because that's what I did.

twilli,If you think that staying awhile longer may help you to get firmer footing to stay gone once you go then stay.It is always a good idea to be prepared.As long as he does not escalate his abuse to physical violence.Make sure to have your emergency escape plan in place in any case.Make your plans to leave in secret when you are ready and cover your tracks well.

HUGS.Lanna

twilli12,

I say NO!!!!!!

I would proceed with your plan!!!

Talk to a Lawyer as soon as possible!!!!!

I care about you and you are kidding yourself if you think that he will change.

I know that he is doing this just to manipulate you!

PLEASE do not get sucked in to it!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT ALLOW him to do this.

You have the power!!! Keep it!!!

Message me if you need to talk!

PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Twilli, you know your situation better than any of us. The statistics are really bad for women who leave without a good plan. I agree with Lanna to keep working on your emergency plan while you are getting everything in place to leave. Keep in mind though that his Mr. Nice routine could be just another ruse. A friend of mine allowed her ex to stay after they agreed to divorce just until he found a place of his own. That turned out to be a few weeks and in that time, he was Mr. Wonderful. Little did she know that he was destroying and hiding things he knew she would need in their divorce negotiations ... mostly financial information, bank account information, etc. ... as well as changing the passwords on joint accounts and moving money around.

Make sure you get your financial papers copied and anything else you will need for the divorce right off the bat before he has a chance to destroy any of them. I'm glad your mom is helping you.

Of course only you can make the decision that is right for you.I'm not suggesting that you buy into his "nice" routine at all.I believe it is just more manipulation.However,if you feel that you are not yet ready to go and taking some time would make you better prepared then that is something to consider.As Meg suggests make sure that you are doing all you can to protect yourself in the meantime.

Lanna

Well since you asked for other's opinions, I'd be more inclined to say Go now, while he's caught off guard and hasn't had a chance to come up with his OWN devious plan..plus his nice act may affect you more than you expect. If he keeps it up, you may get your hopes up that he really is changing..Just some things to consider, but you know the circumstances best