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01/28/2011 08:00 AM

even before I get up

john4114
john4114Posts: 225
Member

This morning we were watching the news on the television in bed, they were talking about a story thats been in all the papers recently where 2 sports commentators were filmed making comments about a female line judge, and saying that she didn't know what she was doing etc. One of them was sacked and the other has since resigned, and if you ask me good job too

Now I then made the fatal mistake of saying something she disagreed with- not a good move, by now I should know better.

I said that on the television last night someone had said that there was more to this than meets the eye, the one who was sacked was taking a newspaper to court for libel that was owned by the same media company as the TV station he worked for and that he had probably been set up.

She then started on me as if I was trying to defend the sexist comments, which I wasn't, I just said that, yes he should have been sacked but it seemed very convenient and he had probably been saying things like that for years, seems a big coincidence that it came out just when he had started a lawsuit.

You would have thought that I had said something really terrible, she totally lost it, shouting at me for over 15 minutes, telling me how horrible I was, how I disgusted her, how I was just trying to transfer the blame onto someone else (???)

It seems that I can never even have an opinion anymore unless its absolutely the same as hers.

then in the next breath she starts on how I never talk to her anymore, to be honest half the time I am scared to in case she starts shouting

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01/28/2011 09:05 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

I know exactly how you feel. Mine is the same way. I never know what's going to set him off. I've noticed that he is very insecure and he can't stand when anyone doesn't agree with him or take his advice. He feels insulted. Most of the time, I just keep my opinions to myself unless I know I have one that he totally agrees with. It's just not worth the effort because abusers are only interested in one thing ... being right all the time. A lot of times when he gets like that, I just walk out of the room. Occasionally, he follows me and then I'll just head for the bathroom and close the door, but most of the time he goes back into the family room, plops down on the couch and mutters to himself for 15 minutes or so. I've got better things to do than to listen to that nonsense.

01/28/2011 09:43 AM
Schefflera
Schefflera  
Posts: 4960
Group Leader

That's ridiculous! You're entitled to your opinion (and I agree, what you said really wasn't that big of a deal.. I hate how some women nowadays just assume that men are just never allowed to criticize women without being labeled a sexist pig. Besides, your observation was totally valid... many people let bad behaviors slide until everything is boiled to the surface!)

01/28/2011 04:03 PM
WandaLynn
WandaLynn  
Posts: 990
Member

I feel for you.My husband thinks if I have a difference of opinion that I am going against him.Im not allowed to have my own views on anything.(of course i do)It makes him try to control me even more.I have tried over and over to tell him that a relationship

works better if two people can share their own views,personalities but he cannot understand it.It has to be his way....he tells me this all the time.


01/28/2011 06:12 PM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

That's massive insecurity talking, WandaLynn. Your having a different opinion than he does is viewed by him as telling him he is WRONG and abusers cannot stand the idea of being wrong. I have a relative who is married to a man like this too. He can barely read so he goes ballistic whenever he sees anyone in the family reading a book. He's jealous and seeing them do something he can't do is like rubbing his face in it. He'd rather scream about it and force his own kids to be as illiterate as he is than learn how to read himself.

01/29/2011 04:38 PM
WandaLynn
WandaLynn  
Posts: 990
Member

I think that is part of it.Im somewhat educated and he had practically no schooling

growing up.He has low self esteem and gets jealous and envious of anyone that is smarter than him or does anything better than him self.

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