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11/14/2008 05:43 PM

My Mother.

Posts: 34

I've had a rocky relationship with my mother my whole life.

I'm 19- 20 in December.

My mom has some definite mental problems. When I was about 8 she tried to drag me out of the house by my hair to take me "to a place where bad kids are sent". I got into her paint to paint her a picture and got some on the tile in the kitchen.

I just got married in August to a very wonderful, loving guy. We were living with my parents just for a few months to save up money to buy furniture and get everything finalized before moving into an apartment- a really pretty one too.

About a month ago, I was sitting on the computer playing World of Warcraft, and she comes downstairs- which she rarely does, and starts screaming about how "The babies of the house are never picking up anything" refering to me and my husband. My husband and I are clean freaks. My mother is the one who likes to live in a pig sty. She opened up the microwave and starts screaming right in my ear that she JUST cleaned it and that she wanted us (me and my husband) out of the house by the end of the day.

Needless to say. My dad just told me I needed to talk to her because he couldn't stick up for me, and he didn't want me to leave.

Anyway. My husband ended up losing his job in IT, and I dont make enough money so we're currently stuck living at my in law's house.

My mother calls my cell phone all the time. She called so much I got my number changed and refused to give it to anyone. She would call and tell me I was a "piece of shit" and that she "Wished she would have gotten an abortion", or "no parent deserves a child as bad as you". I know I have never done anything bad enough for my mom to actually hate me. I honestly don't know how to deal with her, or my dad. My dad won't talk to me because my mom told him not to.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to exile my 14 year old brother, my 16 year old sister or my dad. But I think my sister and my dad have made their choice to go along with whatever my mom says. My mom rewards my sister with webcams, new cell phones, a brand new flat screen tv, and other expensive things.

I dont know how to deal with this.


11/14/2008 06:11 PM
Posts: 475

Hi Msweet88,

Welcome to the group. I'm so sorry you've gone through that with your mother. I can completely sympathize with you. When I was 16, my mother dragged me out of the house by my hair because I wanted to see my dad (they had recently divorced). She also blamed her divorce on me because I was the one who stumbled on the affair she was having. I know where you're coming from.

I finally had to completely cut ties with her. We didn't speak at all for over two years. It wasn't until I was married with a baby on the way that we started making amends. Even now, I have to keep my distance at times. I love my mom. I'll always love my mom. I think part of you just can't help it. But I had to realize that I don't have to let her have control over me or how I feel.

My advice? Take some space. Focus on building your life with your new husband, and avoid your mom for a while. I also recommend counseling to work through the damage that your mom has surely left in her wake.

I wish you the best of luck, and congratulations on your new marriage. Smile

11/14/2008 06:25 PM
Posts: 34

I got really upset the last time I talked to her and told her I would never let her see my children. Granted, I have no plans to have kids any time soon. Not until I go through some kind of counseling, and get everything else in my life stable. I will NEVER do the things she did to me, to my kids.

I feel really torn up about it because I feel like my family exiled me. I used to be really close to my brother and sister. I'm too paranoid to call my brother from my new cell phone because I dont want my mom to get it. She's... crazy- for a lack of a better word.

Oh! I didnt mention this before. My mom is trying to have my brother sent to a residential home because he's "violent, and wont go to school" but I did hear he got first honors in school. I really dont think you can get first honors and not go to school.

Is there anything I can do for him? He's only 14. And I'm not in a place to fight in custody battles with her over him. Though I wish I could.

11/14/2008 06:42 PM

Hi and welcome to the group.

11/14/2008 07:39 PM
Posts: 14
New Member

Unfortunately, speaking in a legal sense, there is not much you can do for you little brother right now. I believe, and may be wrong about this, that when he turns 16 he is allowed to receive a legal emancipation from his parents... at least, I think that's how it works where I live.

Other than that, I would pray very hard for him, that he will have the strength that you did to realize that he is in a bad situation.

11/15/2008 10:00 AM
Posts: 475

Rangiku is right...there's not much you can do for your brother right now. My little brother was in the same type of situation, stuck living with my mother, and there was nothing I could do. You just need to let him know you're there for him. Give him your number, and if your mother calls, hang up. You don't have to speak to her just because she calls. You have the power to hang up or not answer at all.

11/15/2008 02:43 PM
Posts: 1719
VIP Member

join the club sounds like your mom and my mom would get along great

my sister disconnected her phone because my bipolar mother kept calling about 10-20 times a day i had to take the brunt of it all since someone had to take care of her

i understand the frustration however playing devils advocate hear- if you guys need to move out and need to come up with money to find your own place and trust me living with relatives for any extended period is not the way- 1- you will sooner or latter get accused of not keeping up your end of a deal and 2- sooner or latter get accused of being a mooch------so instead of playing warcraft should you not have been searching for a better situation and a way to make that happen- i know this seems insensitive but i have found being in simular situations that if people precieve that you are not doing your most to get yourself out of there house then it tends to get you out the door faster and make you have to come up with things on the fly-- if you want to do something relaxing like that, perhaps you should have done it where she never would have seen it---- just speaking from experience hear because when i stayed with my mother or my father playing computer games was the number one thing that made them think i was slacking followed by watching to much tv in there opinion in fact i often left for long walks to with my husband to avoid these kind of situations and spent as little time as possible in the unpredictable situaiton.

i was meaning this as advice not to be mean just because i have been in the exact same spot when i was younger


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