The last two days I have been sick to my stomach.
My current symptoms include: dull but heavy stomach pain and cramps, bloating, back aches. nausea, nervousness, fatigue beyond anything I’ve experienced, blurred vision. But I’m not sick. I didn’t eat anything weird. This is stress related. How do I know? Because every time I think about my boyfriend I get physically nauseous and I know it’s a worry sickness. I’m overly worried. It initially started with back pain, which I sort of exaggerated (I explain why below) and now – I have very real symptoms.
I’d like to also say – I walk 2 miles every day, I’m not terribly overweight, I eat organic vegetarian whole fresh foods, my skin is healthy… in short. I shouldn’t be having these symptoms outside of a virus or disease.
What triggered the initial back pain was moving Ikea furniture boxes up a flight of stairs into my house with my boyfriend, and I accidentally strained by back. When I “ouched” in pain my boyfriend cursed at me “Why would you do that? Everyone knows not to lift that way. Act like you’re so tough, look at what you get…” In short, I received no sympathy. While the back pain was bad, the lack of empathy was even worse. Not once did he say “Are you okay?” or “Poor thing” or anything a normal, loving family member or friend would say.
Anyway, I was so taken aback by his unsympathetic attitude, nay, his practically yelling at me, that I became so overwhelmed and fatigued that I decided to fake an exaggerated version of my injury so that I could lie in bed for the rest of the night and not be around him. I gave up.
I guess I also hoped that if he perceived my injury as really, really bad he may give me some empathy, sympathy and love which I really felt deprived of. This may not have been the best (jeez or most ethical) solution, but the way he was treating me was so unappetizing that I just couldn’t go on anymore. By the way, he still came at me emotionally by accusing and blaming me for not being able to help him assemble the furniture. Even though I had strained my back and had to lie down! Not once did he say "How can I help you? Do you need anything?"
I hate that I’m exaggerating about the extent of my injury out of necessity. I just want a little break. A little down time. I just want to sit in bed for days, relaxing, trying to heal, and not being badgered. I can't have this "relief" unless he feels I'm really in a bad place - which means I'm off limits for emotionally or verbal badgering. Not this time. He still complained, accused and blamed me for just about everything. He didn't stop!
What’s weird is the following day, by back hurt much worse and I developed intense cramping of my stomach and it’s been going on for two days. Definitely stress induced, I can tell. It’s not muscular pain, it’s a deep, dull pain in my gut. But it’s a real symptom, not a feeling. I once read in Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, a personal story from a woman who talked about how every night she would end up in the kitchen drinking Pepto because her stomach was continuously hurting and causing her trouble due to the stress of her abusive husband.
The hurtful words, the walking on eggshells, wondering when he’s going to put me down and for what… it’s all adding up to my nearly puking in the bathroom from stress. I need a vacation from my boyfriend!
Do any of you have physical symptoms?
Post edited by: youngprofessional, at: 07/14/2010 11:44 AM
