Emotional Abuse Support Group

I am so broken right now. I have actually had a wonderful day with my husband. We spent time with the kids. There was no fighting and things were great. we came home and put the kids to bed and he wanted to spend some intimate time with me. I thought things were going to go great and in the middle of us making love he said Stop being afraid and just trust me. I lost it. I busted into tears and said I cant do this. He whispered in my ear and said you are a good mother and a good wife but the only time he tells me that is when we are in bed. I am so confused. I felt like i was raped. I felt used and violated. I am so hurt right now. I am sitting here blubbering at the computer. I dont know what to do. I am so hurt. Help

Shattered ....you were violated! If he only says nice things so he gets his way, he's a jerk. Does he ever say nice things to you when he DOESN'T want something? If not, you have got to set some ground rules.

If you are too scared to give him the new rules, get out. Get as far away from this jerk as you can!

it always amazes me how 'they' expect their behaviour to be forgotten, the next day they act like nothing has happened and that the pain from the hateful things they have said to you is gone.

Total manipulation tactic! The man is attempting to mess with your head. My ex used to do this every time he felt like I was pulling away. He'd arrange some fantastic day with me and my son, and then if I didn't kiss the ground he walked on, I was ungrateful. He's trying to pull you back in so the cycle can continue.

I just dont know what to do and somehow this got turned around on me that i was the one who did not want to be close to him and if i really wanted this marriage to work that i should forgive him and trust him completely. I just feel so lost and so broken. i am scared of my heart being shattered over and over and over.

It got turned around on you because that's what men like that DO. They're experts at it! Trust me, I've been there.....more times than I even want to admit. There were times I thought I was going crazy and that since he was trying so hard, I should try hard too. But the thing was, it was all manipulation. That's all it is, hun: manipulation. His purpose is to make you feel exactly the way you're feeling. Ask yourself this: how many times has this cycle happened?? How many times have you forgiven him and let things go? And has that really helped your marriage in the past?

With the way they twist our brains, it's hard to know when our puppet strings are being pulled. But it sure sounds to me like he's pulling your strings hard. And you don't have to dance for him. Really, you don't.

I'm sending you warm wishes of strength and courage....

xoxo

It is a form of manipulation. I have been there too. All that will happen is that you will keep getting hurt again. I never realized it when I was in that situation. I always thought it was me. If I wanted to be intimate when he didn't, then there was something wrong with me, I was too demanding. He would say he didn't want it because I was too unattractive. If we did manage anything, I had to worship him and tell him how wonderful he was and better than anyone else or I didn't appreciate him enough.

The honest truth is that it is a manipulation tactic and it really hurts. It is not a good situation. It will always really hurt. This is the person that is supposed to love you more than anything else. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I would recommend speaking with a counselor individually. That seemed to help me deal with things a little bit. Mainly because it helped me understand it wasn't me or something that I was doing.

I have been married for 32 years and this still happens to me. My husband seems to only pay any attention to me when he is wanting sex. I can tell it when he is wanting it days before, he starts talking dirty to me and suggesting things I should do. I hate that kind of talk, and it really turns me off, but he keeps doing it. Then he just keeps it up and up and either I get really mad and tell him NO, then he is mad for days, threatens to leave me, etc. OR I just give in and do it, then I am still miserable and he tells me for about a day how much he loves me, then he ignores me until his urge comes on again.

Dont ask me why I am still with him, I dont know. I just dont.

He says things to me that break my heart and my soul.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Leave while you have the chance.

Total jerk! Total asshole! Total manipulation control freak! That is what your husband is. All he is trying to do is manipulate you into doing whatever he wants, but you don't have to do anything that he says. You are your own person. You own your body, your mind, your soul, and no one can take the fact that you own that away. It may feel like he is ripping your heart and soul out, trying to mold you into something that you are not, but, sweetheart, you do not have to take any of this s**t! Leave while you can. We want to make sure you're safe. We all love you.

Lots of love and hugs,

Melody