Emotional Abuse Support Group

Tomorrow I will be looking at two apartments. I figure if I just get myself in the spaces, maybe I can visualize a new life. Maybe it will give me the strength to leave.

I need support. I'm so scared. I don't know if I should stay or go... I don't exactly know what I'm looking for. But I know I've been thinking about this for at least 9 months. Please help. My life is so isolated. In a way, I suppose it would be fine if our entire social life was just him and I - but he treats my like I'm a burden and an enemy. He's unhappy, negative and critical and it's affecting me. I must go.

On the other hand, I'm afraid to leave him because he doesn't have many friends here, he moved here three years ago. I hate to think of him alone, without money, searching for a new apartment.

Q: Did you leave? How do you feel now? How did you do it?

Q: If you haven't left yet, why do you want to or what's preventing you?

Post edited by: youngprofessional, at: 05/22/2010 01:55 PM

I felt relieved when I left. No more duress and oppression.

He's done a lot mentally abusing you. I wouldn't be too concerned with how he'll feel if you leave. That's part of the syndrome of trying to break away.

You can't let the fact that he doesn't have friends keep you there. That's just an excuse not to go.

Hey YP,

I agree with Patrick. Yes, it is hard, but it is even harder being treated that way. You have to get away fast.

I guess I just feel like - it's not that bad. He's not that bad of a guy. Right? I mean, he's emailing me right now about having a BBQ tonight and what movie we should watch. I don't know. I guess I don't know how to trust my feelings. Everything I've written on here is obviously about the emotional abuse, but he's not all bad...

I guess that's the cycle of abuse? Just last weekend he was getting angry with me for asking him not to talk to me a certain way and when he just kept arguing and interrupting and raising his voice, I started to cry to which he said my tears "are selfish."

And then this week? Pretty peachy really. I'm starting to wonder if I have a complex of some sort!

Ugh. So confusing!!!!!!

Ok. I'm going to go look at these apartments tomorrow. I really don't want to chicken out. I realize how weak I'm being and have been. This isn't like me. Chin up.

I'm in charge of my life. Not him. Thanks guys

Hey YP,

It isn't you, it is him. He is crazy, and then makes you feel crazy inside. You might want to read about "Gaslighting". Just google it, it will probably explain a lot in your relationship. Mine made me feel crazy in the head. It was unbelievable. He actually broke up with me though, and I ended the friendship so we have nothing. I felt had I maintained a "friendship" he would have come crawling back into my life in a romantic sense.

But I felt... why the hell should I spend 2 hours or more a week being my ex's "phone buddy" while he claims he is in a relationship, which I think he was lying about that too.

Seriously YP, don't blame yourself. It is hard to get out because you have this bond with them. I'm just now starting to feel less pain from him, and it officially ended in December.

No, YP, he is not all bad. No one is all bad. But he is messing with your mind, making you doubt yourself. Please get away

or you will lose your soul, like I almost did. Be safe, take care of yourself first.- Libby

yp anyone can be nice sometimes but can he consistently treat you with respect. I dont think so. He is controlling and I am horrified by the things he says to you and what he expects you to do for him. I would kick this jerk to the curb - he will destroy you. I believe you will eventually leave as you wouldnt be thinking of it for the last nine months if he was a loving, supportive partner. Just put the footwork in and see what comes up in the way of apartments.... We are all behind you to help you thru this time...Hugs.... By the way he doesnt happen to be an alcoholic in recovery does he.......

He is not an alcoholic in recovery. Poor man, I don't know if he would ever get help for anything. Currently, he drinks on average, three drinks a night. I'm not terribly worried about his drink consumption. Though, when he began drinking again he did blame it on me in weird way "I can't keep you happy if I'm not drinking!" So weird. So not true. I just wanted to go out with my friends, I never said I wanted him to drink. Confusing!

Thank you for your support. Earlier today, I was doubting my decision to move out... I guess I don't know if I'm confidant enough to do it yet... but then I went out to meet him, we came home and, like clockwork, got into an argument before bed; him telling me I do not do the dishes enough, saying I always argue, saying that I don't understand him, that "we all know who does the chores around here" and of course; ending with him saying "you, I'm so tired of this - you're always starting Night Fights!" The entire time he's talking over me in what seems to be and intentional way.

None of his accusations carry a bit of truth. GASLIGHTING? Today I made us dinner (I do this every night), cleaned all of the dishes I used to make dinner as well as the plates etc. we used eating dinner, and cleaned the kitchen, living room and bedroom.

Then later, he went to bed, I stayed up, and he came out to tell me that "Listen honey, I know you like Night Fights, and I know you like disagreeing with me, but you need to find a different way to do it."

I feet so upset. So angry. This is such a common occurrence; the day being nice, pleasant. And then it ending with him saying I don't know how to do things, I'm not doing enough, I don't care about him enough.

It's days like this UP and DOWN and all over trying to follow his train of thought, that I get so overwhelmed. Bottom line: I can't do this for much longer.

Thank you for your support: in a time of craziness, you are keeping me very sane and pragmatic THANK YOU!

You know what? I have endured 16 years of this type of behavior and the thoughts should I stay or go. Mine can also be nice at times and surprise me by doing thoughtful things such as this past weekend he took all of us fishing and was making the effort to teach my son how to fish. Well, my son caught a fish and he made a big deal of it praising him. Saturday was pretty nice. However, I knew in the back of my mind he wasn't capable of acting like this long. So tonight right before dinner the expected happened when I pissed him off by pouring hot dish water into a bucket to mop the floor. He got angry and said I was wasting money by not using the water from the hose outside. He said I enjoyed wasting money and yet he spent our tax money on purchasing a third boat without asking me. I swear; it's so unfair. He can spend thousands of dollars and I might spend a few dollars and he has a fit! He says he spends money on things we need and yet I view it as a waste. He pitches a tantrum if I spend money on shoes or clothes for the kids. So much for Mr. Nice guy. Bottom line is it's about your emotional health and self worth. Please get out of the situation before kids are brought into the picture!! My situation is more complicated now because of the kids and while I love my kids with all my heart I am ashamed that I brought them into all of this. Love and hugs to you darling!!