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04/29/2010 07:37 PM

Only 17 and emotionally abused for 3 years!

Posts: 3
New Member

Im new to this group and I would like a little help.

Ive been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we were 15 and I am almost 18. My boyfriend emotionally abuses me everyday. He calls me a stupid b*tch and a c*nt almost everyday. He has not hit me, yet. I know its leading up to it because he has pushed me a couple times. He has picked me up and threw me on the ground. Everyday when he picks me up for school, he rips me apart from head to toe. He tells me, I dont like what your wearing, or your hair looks bad. He calls me fat. I am 5'4 and 120 pounds. Is that really considered fat? I feel terrible about myself. I used to be the happiest, most confident person ever. Now I cant even talk in public without my face going red. Please help. I want to leave him, I fantasize about it daily. The thing is, is that I am scared. I know if I leave him he will hurt someone in my family or my best friend. How did others in this group get out of these relationships?


04/30/2010 01:05 AM

He is emotionally abusing you and you do need to get out. You deserve so much better. You may be in fear but I can guarantee you he is more fearful. That is why these people become controlling because of their fear. You are actually the stronger one (although it may not look like that to you). It is a matter of taking back your power. Saying "NO" when you want to and believing in yourself. When you sit back and have a look at yourself you will find many good qualities about yourself but his continual putdowns slowly drain us of our self esteem. Getting support whereever you can will also help you to gain the strength you need to kick this jerk to the curb. It disgusts me when people call someone fat and 120 pounds is not fat. I get called skinny and it is just as much a put down. Just remember what he says to you is not the truth and is a reflection of who he is not who you are. I was taught that we teach people how to treat us. So if I put up with this stuff it just tells him that its ok by me. Its time to take a stand. Come on here and get your strength up, we will all be behind you then kick this jerk out. There is someone out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve. You are so worth so much more. Luv and hugs................

04/30/2010 02:08 AM
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I agree with Kathie, and like I said in your intro, you definitely need to speak with your family. Don't worry so much what he says he's going to do. Most bullies will back off when confronted and I expect he'll be no different.

I believe the chances are high that he's just using the threat to keep you under his control, but if you inform your family and friends, it at least allows them to prepare for the eventuality. As Kathie said, we're always here for support, but you need to get this guy out of your life. You're the one that's going to be hurt, not him or your family.

04/30/2010 10:09 PM
Posts: 765

I agree wholeheartedly with Kathie and Patrick. You have to end your relationship with this jerk for good. Three years is a long time to put up with that kind of treatment and his actions prove he will get worse as time goes by. He says those things to you to keep you under his thumb. Let your family know what you're going through so that when you take a stand and leave him they will support you. He will more than likely cower because he is a coward to behave like this. I know you are a beautiful girl and don't deserve to be treated this way. Don't make the mistake of staying with the jerk and wasting so many more years of your life or bringing kids in the picture because it would be even worse; trust me I know. End it now so that you can enjoy the rest of your life and find that special someone who will appreciate you and give you the love and support you deserve. HUGS to you!

05/01/2010 05:36 AM
Posts: 86

Dating violence (which includes emotional and physical abuse) within your age group is unfortunately common and there are many ways you can get help.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a team of experienced people who can help you with what to do at this point. You can also contact National Teen Dating Abuse who deal a lot with teens in your situation.

There is a chat box you can use or the phone number to call and discuss your situation. Peer advocates will help and support you and they can also help you find support in your local area.

Its important to understand, your boyfriend's violence is escalating and from your description of him picking you up and throwing you to the ground, it shows he has already progressed from emotional abuse to physical abuse.

One of the reasons you feel terrible about yourself is because having to deal with emotional abuse for so long has eroded your self esteem. This can be healed but at this stage your survival mode is kicking in and you are wanting to get to safety.

I know you are scared but try to remember this is only temporary until you can sort out a safe way to get out.

You have taken a great step in coming here to build yourself a strong support network, and there are many more resources available to you so you can get the help you need.

Be proud of the steps you have taken so far, you have shown strength and courage during very stressful and emotionally draining circumstances.

I wish you peace and strength for the next part of your journey and please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

All the best

Post edited by: TakingMySoulBack, at: 05/01/2010 05:43 AM

12/20/2010 08:57 PM
Posts: 1849
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I agree with everyone on here you need to get out of this relationship you deserve better then this. When people put you down its to make them self feel good and its a way to control you. I think you should talk to your family and get a restraining order against him to keep him not only away from you but your school and your family. You need to take your life back and see how much you are worth. I use to look at myself in the mirror and see what my abuser said i was then I thought wait this is not me i had to trully do soul searching and dig deep to see who i really am. Please keep posting with us and let us know what happen. We trully do care about you and you can pm us anytime.

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