Emotional Abuse Support Group

Hi everyone. I'm brand new to an online support system. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now, I have support from my family and friends, yet I am still unable to make the move and leave my husband. I have finally educated myself enough to learn that I AM in fact in an abusive relationship and have lived through the cycle of abuse for years now. This past year has been the absolute worst and is why I finally seeked outside help. I believe leaving my husband will eventually be the best choice I could ever make. I believe it is necessary before we have children. However, I am having such trouble with the actual follow through. What have you all done? How did you get to that final point that you were able to make a change? I feel so lost at times...I look forward to your feedback and support.

Hi ms:

For me, the 'end' was a no-brainer. My x flipped out on me one day in February of last year. He was so escalated that I feared for my physical safety and left the house immediately. I went to a girlfriend's house. When we spoke on the phone he told me he needed to leave; that he needed to go 'grow up'. That settled it. I told him that if that was what he felt he needed, then that is what he should do. I meant it but he flipped out on me anyway. I wasn't suprised. By that point, nothing I could do or say would have been 'right' in his eyes. And that is the crux of this issue. The problem belongs to the abuser and there is nothing....let me say it again, NOTHING that we can do to make things ok for them or in the relationship. In the end, we are responsible for caring for ourselves. I drew the line when signs of physical abuse were approaching. I don't have a death wish...and any abuser is capable of anything. No matter how much I loved him or how great he could be at times, deep down he was a mean, mean man....and there is nothing I could have done about that. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best in your quest for separation. Good luck and hang in there.

FTF

Hi FreetoFly - thank you for responding. It's comforting to know that I am not crazy, although I feel it at times. You sound like such a strong soul. I have feared for my safety on several occasions. He's never actually hit me; he's thrown a box of cookies at me and grabbed at my arm once. (I yelled when this occurred and he stopped and walked away immediately.) He and I have been in our "honeymoon" stage for the past 6 weeks now. Yet I am feeling so uneasy and miserable. Guilt I think is one of the strongest emotions I am feeling. He wants to start a family and i am afraid of that. He has started seeing a therapist himself and I thought at this point that would make me feel better. But it hasn't and so comes greater guilt that I am seriously contemplating ending my marriage. I feel as though it will break him. And I can't bare the thought of that b/c I care for and love this man so much. How has it been for you? Are you legally seperated? Has he contacted you? Where do you gain your strength? Thanks

ms,

It's good that you are aware of the fact that you are just in a "honeymoon stage" at this time. Six weeks does not fix what has been practiced for months or years.

That's a plus that he is in therapy, but only if he is there to help himself (and not because he wants to look good). Watch out for such deceiving tactics that some will attempt.

I think that it is important to accept nothing less than respect from him, and please DO NOT have children with this man unless you see a great "turn-around" for at least a year. Children suffer soooo much when there is abuse in the family (and your heartache would be much greater).

I wish you the best!

jtam

honey it is because emotinal you are proably a wreck your self essetm is a mess am i right i had a bf that did that to m e in the past .you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

Hi Cherokeef and Jtam - thank you both for responding. We just had a horrible week and kids was the main issue. He wants them. I want them. But I KNOW I can not have them with him right now. I packed all my things during our fighting and had a panic attack when it became time to go. Letting him go would be the right thing to do as well. I just wish I could. I lost my best friend over this. She said she can't be my "person" anymore that I turn too when I'm upset over him. She doesn't understand why I won't leave. I'm such an emotional wreck. I stayed home from work for 3 days last week and just sat in my bed and cried. I guess I'll eventually hit my "point" but I haven't done so yet. Anyway, hope all is well with everyone else out there!