Emotional Abuse Support Group

This is a review for "Why Does He Do It? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/ 0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1300406176&sr=1-1

There are a lot of books out there about abusive men and abusive relationships, but this is the cream of the crop in my opinion. For nearly 20 years, Lundy Bancroft has worked with abusive men. He even developed the first treatment program for them in the United States. This book covers early warning signs, abusive personality types, the abusive mentality, problems with getting help from the legal system, and the long and often difficult process of change.

Because Bancroft has treated thousands of abusers in his career, he really knows how they think and what motivates them. For instance, he states that abusiveness does not stem from an inability to manage anger or substance abuse (though these things can exacerbate abuse), but rather from a warped value system that includes a sense of entitlement, a low opinion of women and a need for control. His chapters that deal with dispelling the myths regarding abusers and the ten personality types of abusers are worth the price of the book alone.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

The Nature of Abusive Thinking

* The Mystery

* The Mythology

* The Abusive Mentality

* The Types of Abusive Men

The Abusive Man in Relationships

* How the Abuse Begins

* The Abusive Man in Everyday Life

* The Abusive Man and Sex

* The Abusive Man and Addiction

* The Abusive Man and Breaking Up

The Abusive Man in the World

* Abusive Men as Parents

* Abusive Men and Their Allies

* The Abusive Man and the Legal System

Changing the Abusive Man

* The Making of an Abusive Man

* The Process of Change

* Creating an Abuse-Free World

This book was quite an eye-opener for me because it let me know quite clearly that the abuse was NOT my fault. Practically in one swoop, the confusion I'd been experiencing for years was gone.

As I've said before, if I had a million dollars, I would buy a truckload of copies of this book and hand them out on street corners. It should be required reading for every female in America.

This book and this site gave me the courage to sign the divorce papers today. My heart felt love and thanks to everyone!!!

Me too, this book changed my life. It was one of the hardest books to read but also one of the most liberating.

I'm a reader, I love books, and have read alot of books on abuse, low self-esteem and you name it. None of them described my husband like this book did. None of them cleared the fog in my head and the confusion of what he was doing. I knew he was doing horrible damage to me and the kids, and knew he was emotionally abuses us and physically abusing us, but I couldn't put it into words about the emotional abuse and psychological abuse until I read this book. I wish I could afford to stand outside the woman's shelter here and hand out copies to every woman going in there for help because of a abusive partner. This book is a must read, and a must read more than once!!!

This book helped me alot. I realized all the things he was doing to me to make me feel crazy. I had started to believe some of them. This book is so helpful. I don't get so bent out of shape when he acts crazy. I know what is going on now and it makes me better prepared to stand up for myself.

I agree, Broken! This book does more for a person in one night of reading than months of therapy. That is not to discount the value of therapy, but this book is like a jump-start. It really shows you the thinking and motivation behind abuse and once you know that, the abusive behaviour is defused. It's like finding out the secrets behind all of a magician's tricks!

This is the best book out there for women to read that have experienced partner abuse...I wish there were more good books out there but i think this one is so helpful & i wish Mr.Bancroft would write a second edition.

Just want to add, if you have kids you need to read Bancroft's book "When Dad Hurts Mon"

Momofbnb, maybe you can write a review of that book for us here!

Really excellent book. I finally don't feel crazy anymore. I feel validated in my complaints.