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cicigurl15 Posts: 99
Member
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it was a little less then 3 years ago. my best friends older sister was just murdered. i used to lay in bed at night and wonder why it was her and not me. i hadnt even realized i stopped eating. niether did anyone i lived with, not that they cared. i stopped eating breakfast first. i didnt even notice. lunch at school was next. it saved my dad money so he didnt care. i stopped eating dinner most days of the week. i never got those hunger pains other people get. i didnt notice anything. i was to depressed. i walked around like a zombie. my dads beatings didnt hurt anymore. my brother coming in at night didnt make me cry. it was like i was already dead. nothing mattered. jodi died one oct. 28 2008, i went to spend the weekend with her family in mid february. four and a half months with barely any food or feelings. that changed though. tara, jodis little sister, is my age. weve been best friends ever since we were born. when i went there for the weekend i still didnt eat. i couldnt. i threw it back up and not on purpose. that night there brother jake and i messed around. i had low self esteem and my brother never even asked. soo i let jake touch me. i didnt want him to, but he asked and i didnt really care. he really did like me though and he was the one that noticed my ribs. i hadn noticed yet and i went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. i was tiny. my face still had the fat cheeks and i was wearing a big sweatshirt so thats why no one noticed. i took off the shirt and stared at myself with just the bra on. i was proud. i was so close to leaving. i could feel it. i didnt eat at all the next day(saturday) but saturday night tara looked at me as i got my pajamas on and said "i wish i was that skinny" she asked how i did it and i told her i didnt know. but she did she said she hadnt seen me eat since i got there. she said she was going to stop eating to. i couldnt let her though. she was like a sister and i couldnt let her kill herself. i thought along time about it and i started eating again. really slowly though. it hit me a few months later how close to dying i really was. you could see all my ribs and my spine. i weighted maybe 60 pounds and i started at 98. i passed out 17 times, 12 at school, and no teacher thought anything of it or reported it. kids in the locker rooms ignored it, just like they did the bruises. i couldnt stay awake. i was always dizzy. it made me wonder how the school could just ignore it. all the bruises, the missed days of school, the passing out, the fear of being touched, the fighting. i even told them but they believed my dad. i hated myself for eating again |
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