Hello TwistedDNA!!! I just read your introduction and I really feel your pain... I also come from a extremely dysfunctional family and it has made for a very emotionally scarred and painful life..."Looking for love in all the wrong places." However in my dysfunctional family there were a lot of deep dark secrets that were kept by my mother till her passing and some have still not been revealed... I have these tormenting pains and things that have happened to me and my sisters that have been haunting me for 38 yrs. and my sisters some longer and some less... These are secrets that need to be told to my father that my mother knew for many years before her death which in many ways I resented her for...I believe that her reasoning for never saying anything is because she did not want to lose my dad... But she really was not trying to protect her daughters...To me, this was a bit selfish on her part because 4 of 5 girls have had to suffer with this tormenting emotional pain for soooo many years..I am a product of a "joined" family..mom had 4 dysfunctional children and then got pregnant to my dad and had me and then 4 yrs. later, my sister...My mothers son and his friends molested us from the time we were babies on up..Which is a really sick way to be brought in to the world!!!! Many of us suffer from suicidal thoughts and one in particular has 23 personality disorders has tried to take her life more than 10 times and has almost succeeded 3 of the ten times...she was brought back to life on her death bed...Another one has been in and out and in again prison for the past 5 yrs. because of drugs and alcohol and multiple run ins with the law..my real sister is bipolar and a victim of domestic violence that has turned to being very emotionally violent towards others...and myself, I have bipolar,really bad anxiety and depression along with being in severe domestic violence for the past 23 yrs...Oh and both of my parents suffered from mental illnesses also.... and the "PERVERT" is a drug addict and a drunk...wonder why???? At present, I have ended my third very dysfunctional relationship with an abusive dual addict with multiple personality disorders... who threw my crazy past in my face,all the time because he was the only person aside from the therapist that I ever told all these haunting secrets to because of embarassment and shame... Now after 40 yrs. I am trying to get the courage up to "BREAK THE SILENCE" of these secrets that have caused every one of us to be some form of dysfunctional..and the cycle has continued in some of our own families...but I have so much anxiety and all other mixed emotions that every time I try to write to him,I stop..... My advice to you is maybe take some time out for yourself to do some really deep "SOUL" searching and begin to write out all your struggles and pain... This is what I am doing and I have recently found this website where I can begin to release some of this pent of pain....where I can begin to heal not just for me but and my 2 daughters also... So I encourage you to please feel free to contact me any time that you are feeling down or you need some one to care.... Sorry this is so long but this is just a little example of my emotional pain journey of my life!!!!!! I guess this is where the healing starts!! |
