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02/25/2011 08:15 AM

New to this group

Posts: 34

I have been on mdj for a while but found this group and really hoped it would be helpful. My mom and i have never had a very normal relationship and when she divorced my father when i was one i feel like it caused her to blame me. I don't think she ever was ok after that...i grew up shuttled back and forth with her and my grandparents but my dad was shut out. no one wanted me to have any relationship with him. Now after a disturbing life of some very bad comments from first a judgmental parent then after a destructive first marriage i have only one trustworthy family set, my grandparents, and my only dad is my grandfather. He is dying now and I am speaking with my biological father (making an an effort to repair that damage) but i don't have support system in losing my family member because my mom is so crazy back and forth between her grief and then maybe some jealousy over being equal in the grandparents eyes. I have two daughters that are the center of my world and a great second husband but there is a concern her damage may grow inside me with all my pain. I just thought getting support is good.




02/25/2011 12:08 PM

WELCOME Trisha!!

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough go of it at such a young age! I'm glad to hear that you are making an effort to have some sort of relationship with your father, is he wanting to have a relationship with you as well? I hope so. I'm sorry your grandfather is dying that is so sad when he was your rock. Remember that you have the power in your mind and your heart and soul to show your children and husband much love and to not be like the mother that you had is very important, all girls want is to be close to their mothers, what is the first thing we say when we get sick? I want my mommy! well maybe not all of us but I know that I did because mom's are suppose to make us feel better about ourselves and take care of us when we are sick. You didn't get that nurturing that you needed from her and you must make sure to give that to your girls. I'm so very happy that you came to our little growing group, everyone here is wounded in some way by family members just like you so feel free to talk about anything you'd like and again WelcomeSmile

02/25/2011 04:45 PM

Hi Trisha

Welcome to family issues, that causes families to become Dysfunctional.

Death in the family can always cause big problems, its so sad that this does sometimes happens. And yes most of it is all about jealousy. It happened to me with 5 close family member...sorry 8..counting my brother in laws as well. Arguments happen and jealousy of who loved who more type of things.

While going through this, try not to be a part of it now, because there is no sense in the pain now from the family . When he does pass away, family members normally will long to be with one another for support. I feel its good your biological Father is starting to communicate with you at this difficult time in your life. Its a good beginning. Please don't feel your Mom is going to rub off on you her ways, because you recognize what she has done and more than likely won't repeat her mistakes.

I welcome you to families with problems

Gentle hugs,



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