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01/27/2012 12:07 PM

'I Can See Clearly Now' an oldie and a goodie(page 3)

patty777

Please let me know when the rain is gone,,,i see it every day..
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01/27/2012 12:48 PM
Talahi
Talahi  
Posts: 177
Member

I know, Patty, I know. I think you just have to look for the clear spots and keep going.

(((hugs)))


02/16/2012 05:29 PM
Peace77
Peace77  
Posts: 9078
Group Leader

Talahi

Where are the clear spots when your family fogs everything all up? I need to see clearly more than ever right now..actually getting scared...Sad


02/16/2012 06:08 PM
Talahi
Talahi  
Posts: 177
Member

The best thing that ever 'happened' to me--and I phrased it like that--because I don't really remember how I 'found' my pastoral counselor. We are on the same page as far as what 'sort' of humans are really 'good/the best'. It is not 'always' the successful and wealthy---we agree on that. You could be successful and wealthy and be one of these 'rare' people but that is a 'coincidence' I guess.

Today was !@#@!! day at my house. It wasn't me--the 20 mg of Paxil and a tiny bit of inner peace allowed me to ignore most of the childish tirade from the 'child' of the house --90 yr old mother. No, it is not senility--she is sharp as a tack---handles her affairs and can generally do what she wants to do. She has always had this sort of emotional outbursts---in fact ---they ignited the rest of the family--my father, deceased, high BP/heart problems--stroke/heart attack, my brother, deceased, abused and distributed meth amphetamines, deceased May 31, 2008--stage 4 Lung Cancer. He served state and federal time and never was able to do much more. So sad. a lot smarter than me. and talented--a good life wasted. My mother--'enables'--I now think she gets a kick out of it. She knows the buttons to push and goes straight for the jugular and then come the torrential tears. self pity, jmo.

I am numb to the vicious attacks--if only i could videotape her and let everyone see ---that 'sweet, nice, gracious, Christian --acting like a 5 yr old kid having a tantrum'--nobody believes me -but it is the truth.

Once with another counselor--perhaps my psychologist--who basically understood me very well and everything she said has been proven to be true---she said, 'In such families, even if no alcohol is involved--the issues are power and control. Supposedly it was my father who 'controlled' my mother--but it was the other way around. You will not hear---'I'm Sorry', 'Thank you', 'You did well' or 'I enjoy your 'style, sense of humor, etc'.

You will hear about every mistake. What you should have done and how could you be so stupid not to have known... Affection--apparently is not something she is able to freely give. 'The Bible says--'Love one another'---a good thing---and she is 'Good', she knows it --a martyr to have endured the brutal abuse from me and my father and others. 'I have my rights'. That is said a lot. 'I never -----' thousands of things.

Rude, crude, just nasty remarks ----when something has upset her. 'What you have done to me....'

Has never understood that I do it to her, because she does it to me.

r, pstoral counselor, said --'We all have issues'--that is how i look at it now. She was the oldest of 5 children, during the Depression/WW1 and WW2---I am certain she did without many things--and I understand how that feels. It makes you mean--after a while. Everyone has wants and needs--and at times it is too much not to be able to self-actualize these wants and needs.

She has really always seemed to 'look up to me' in a strange way. If I am so 'pathetic' and such a waste of flesh and bone--why think that I can meet her standards of perfection?

crazy --yes, it makes me crazy. Somehow I developed just enough 'inner strength' or maybe it is the Paxil--to begin to think to myself--'There she goes again---all the tantrums she didn't get to pitch throughout her life---she feels safe and free to pitch them at me.' 'Love'---i am getting tired of that sort of love.

But, I am having some good days---I think establishing a 'friendship' with my counselor has a lot to do with the improved attitude. He's about my age--Boomer--we share some interests and I needed a really good friend very badly. I have had several 'almost friends' relationships with people like him--my favorite people. Who are very intelligent, self- composed, kind and rational--with a keen dry sense of humor. I miss those people so much. So talking to him helped--but be3ing 'in touch' with my own kind, I believe that is what made the difference.

'Being and Becoming. He is and I want to Be---like that.

I see the sun shining through the clouds a lot more these days.

Friends--one of God's better ideas. Laughing


02/20/2012 02:37 PM
Angela2
Angela2  
Posts: 2513
VIP Member

Peace, what's wrong?

02/20/2012 03:38 PM
Talahi
Talahi  
Posts: 177
Member

i am ok --yeah--20mg Paxil AM and PM. i am 'stable'--hate Syria for what it is doing to innocent people, 'sick' of My Mother---so childish--'glad it's not me'--what else can you say--she has hidden the dish towels. too stupid to explain-- I gave her 2 new dish towels for Christmas---???she didn't like them???--or what --who wants to guess????

Things like that---not my 'mental problem', jmo. I do not like dealing with inexplicably childish and 'passive aggressive behavior'. not 'Mentally ILL['---who could stand this sort of thing--years on end. Tell me--'You act like a child'!!!!

When you point 1 finger at another --there are 4 pointing back at you.

That is the level of our interaction and has always been the level of our conversations.

Why??? God---Why????

She isn't senile, nor is she 'impaired mentally'----just likes to show her A@@ on occasion many occasions. Thinking of how she would look in a little Shirley Temple dress with a big bow in her hair. That is how she acts. Sad

talahi.

do notcare if anyone becomes POTUS--get Josh Groban to do it--I trust him. and he could sing to us. 'Bells of NYC''--great CD. Helps me stay sane.

Josh Groban for POTUS. /gavel.


02/21/2012 05:27 AM
DonnaEvans77
DonnaEvans77  
Posts: 3031
Group Leader

Talahi, So glad you're okay. It is a shame on what's going on in Syria. Sometimes people never change. Just glad to here you're alright.

02/21/2012 07:50 AM
Talahi
Talahi  
Posts: 177
Member

last night Greta Van Sustern had someone on---who explained the possible options.

None good---it is very serious. I will communicate my concerns to my Higher Power---Iran needs to STFU. I will pray for that.

not a 'nice' Christian --but He/She does listen to me at times---if it is really important. not something--trivial--that I should utilize my own resources to resolve. that is what I have concluded. Yes, prayers, vibes--good thoughts for all those living in critical danger all across the globe. That would be good. It is Fat Tuesday-and a time of reflection for many. :o)

A beautiful world --a shame to 'to let it go' because some want to abuse Power. jmo.


02/21/2012 08:20 AM
Peace77
Peace77  
Posts: 9078
Group Leader

Talahi

My son and I have been following the news very carefully. Did you notice the media never even covered the March at the Capital yesterday. They cover the smallest events there normally, but to not cover our troops and vets..its a disgrace.

We had to search it on the net and put a filter on it to view it, but I couldnt believe so many people were not covered.

I know many our fearful of whats going on, that makes it all the more we need to be informed and prepared.

I fear for the Middle East and all the coming wars, but soon we could have it in our back yards as well.

Why can't these countries just leave one another alone and live in Peace, for our Grandchildren to come along. What do they have to look forward to? I hope things are peaceful by then..

Hugs, Patty


02/21/2012 11:29 AM
Talahi
Talahi  
Posts: 177
Member

I don't 'enjoy' many of the things that Neal Boortz/Libertarian radio host based in Atlanta, says --but he knows what he is talking about. I inferred today ---'3 weeks'--things could get very bad in about that amount of time.

Greta/Fox and her featured guests--implied that Israel has more accurate intelligence than we do and they realize it is --'Do or Die' and they won't Go without a fight. Iran has ships in the area--perhaps to support Syria---???? They explained how the chain could go---the whole area is a powder keg.

And the UN--passes a resolution---sanctions have proven ineffectual on Iran---they have known what the consequences would be if they proceeded to develop nuclear power and are prepared. Nasty, foul, filthy --global war---i think so. If not this year---the next--that is what we have to face---yes, right in our own backyards---you can bet we won't be spared. I don't know what should be done---cutting military budgets doesn't seem the smartest move in this climate. ???Borrow another trillion from China---and get into some real trouble that way?

I think a state of emergency should be declared----no more campaigning--let us just vote and have someone well-prepared to step into this Ring of Fire. Contraception and other things are lesser issues imo compared to the total destruction of the world.????That is just 'the feeling' I get---I suppose I could email my senator and ask him what he thinks---I don't personally know people with expertise on these topics---wish I did--wish I did---all media sources seem to saying the same---sooner or later--there is going to be serious trouble and we are going to have to 'take a side'.

all I can do is beseech my Higher Power to 'move some clouds'---I can and will do that.

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