Dysfunctional Families Online Support Group

Anybody else out there feeling a bit weird today? I don't have a relationship with my mother anymore so Mother's Day is always a bit weird for me.

Any thoughts on how to get through it? I'm trying to focus on staying busy with things around the house, but still need to call my mother-in-law to wish her a happy mother's day (which sort of highlights my own dysfunctional family... ugh..)

Post edited by: twistedDNA, at: 07/01/2011 01:27 PM

All of us have had some kind of problems in our past...or even early loss of our Mom's as I lost my Mom when she was 59..Rach lost hers too..I am sure there are more out there as well

So a tribute to all Mom's in Heaven we miss...miss you Mom..we all miss our loved mom's..that have been taken away..

twistedDNA, I did similar things as a child... I never did anything for mother's day because my mother was more of a roommate than a "mom." Usually my father would just buy a card and have my sisters and I sign it. Very impersonal kind of thing.

Nowadays I have no contact with my mother as she was a toxic kind of influence in my life. I haven't spoken to her in over 3 years and before that it was rare that was had any contact. We'd have those occasional lunch together or something when I decided to give her another chance, we'd be civil for awhile, but then the moment that I didn't want to cater to her every whim it would be a blowout fight again and we wouldn't talk for months.

Since I also do not have children of my own (and don't plan to have any either), I feel pretty lost on Mother's Day. Meanwhile I'm supposed to call my mother-in-law (who actually is more of a mother to me nowadays... lovely person she is) and I really don't want to. It feels so forced and trite. Ugh.

twistedDNA, oh yeah and one more thing: My sister's birthday is near mother's day and my relationship with her is really rocky right now too and very awkward. I didn't really want to send a card or anything but I felt like I should at least make a small gesture. I dug through the cards in the store trying to find one that wasn't too heart-felt as I didn't want to outright lie about how I felt about her. My husband suggested I should start sending cards that were like "To my grandson..." to my sister just to be hilarious and do the obligatory card-thing but clearly not giving it much thought haha

It was a difficult day and weekend. I guess I didn't realize how much not having my mom around still affected me. I was pretty cranky this weekend. I really didn't want to do much today for Mother's Day. My inlaws wanted to go somewhere and I really didn't want to drive in the car an hour up and back with them. I told my husband I had things to do. I thought I was gonna be alone but my little daughter stayed with me. I'm glad. I think I would have been in tears all alone. Last year was ok but I never really know how I will feel come the day. I did hug and kiss my kids and thank them for their little cards and gifts and gave some smiles to them. That was the best I could do today.

TwistedDna, one of my sisters was never a mom to her two eldest children. It's really a horrible thing. I feel terrible for them. I took in her son as a teenager till he went into the Marines. My neice too I do so much for, like a mom when my sister didn't care. I know for sure they look at me more as a mom than anyone else. My nephew said he wished I was his biological mother. He has no contact with his mom. My sister wrote him off (her own son). I have issues with her because of that and my neice and I don't speak to her anymore.

Happy Mother's Day all. Hope you all survived too. Rachele

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 05/08/2011 06:23 PM

I got through mother's day. It was hard since my son is not around. I am accepting it better now but it is so odd that he was here all the time and now he is completely out of my life except the occasional visit maybe once a month.

I had dinner with mom and one of her friends. I was a little worried since this is my first mother's day since son left and he would not even respond to my emails about spending some time together today.

I did some writing before dinner, and took my time even though the prep started. I walked in the kitchen to my mother talking to this woman about my mental health situation. I can understand she needs support but she tells people that do not need to know and never asks me if it is ok to talk about my business. At dinner she talked bitterly about her mother, it was embarrassing. I tried changing the subject but she kept venting, judging her mother. My family is lacking in parenting skills for sure.

I have come to a place with my mom that I accept the way she is and don't really take her behavior personal but still hurts.

Well you survived mothers day! Alot of people on here have lost their mothers and I am very sad for them I at least got to call my mother yesterday. My family is coming apart at the seams, I have 5 kids and I was lonely yesterday. Yes your mother needs to vent but she shouldnt do it in front of you and it isn't a strangers business about your conditions. Today is a new day, i'm sorry your son didn't call you yesterday, mine didn't either

I'm sorry it was so hard on so many, I sometimes think we should do away with holidays, it just stresses ppl out more than anything, you feel OBLIGATED or then you feel guilt... I mean you can show appreciation any day, why do we have to FORCE it on one particular day?? IDK I don't deal well with stress. Usually it is hell, my husband would be stressed which would trigger his anger and on and on... so this year, I just said hey I'm making myself lasagna, and a cake, and if mother-in-law wanted to come fine, if not, fine. If I get anything? fine, if not fine... I am trying not to expect thus not get let down

I ate way too much and didn't "get" anything but everyone behaved, that is worth a TON. So all in all, I had a better day this year than most. I sent a mass text to my "mom" friends and most of them replied - that kinda made my day

Called my mom out of OBLIGATION really, I have never been close, always felt like the black sheep... we made small talk. I think it's good she lives 2000 miles away really.

Obligation is right! That's exactly why even though my husband and I have a very healthy relationship, we don't "celebrate" Valentine's Day... we figure that doing nice things for each other should happen as the mood strikes us, not because we "have" to. Feeling obligated and forced just seems to take the sentiment out of it I think.

I wrote my mother-in-law a card... I feel like I write the same crap in cards all the time. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas... it is starting to all feel so repetitive, fake, and obligatory. I tell her I love her all the time, I do nice things for her all the time... why do I have to do crap like this anyway?? It means a lot to her that's why I still do it, but I'm starting to feel more and more resentful for it.