MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
01/20/2011 08:39 PM

Greetings; I'm Little Sandy and I'm new

SandraStanley
 
Posts: 11
Member

A long lost memory of sexual abuse which led her to me, her Inner Child, which led us to a doctor who knows all about it and has been a doctor for Inner Child healing for a long time. He says we need to be a part of a group as a part of our healing. The real long lost memory(ies) have as much to do with dysfunction as with sexual abuse, and she is sure of that now, after sorting this out for a year and a half. We are glad we found you! Thank you for being there. We are going to need lots of TLC for awhile.

Little SanSmile

Reply

01/22/2011 02:44 PM
Kelti
Kelti  
Posts: 4167
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I am glad you found MDJ too. I hope you like it here. It has been a great amount of help for me. Welcome. Please keep posting if you feel comfortable with that and let us know a little more about your situation. Sexual abuse seems to be quite the common trait in dysfunctional families. We grow up in those enviornments so we think it is normal a lot of the time. Then as adults we start to see that our families are not so normal after all. We find ourselves at a loss at what is normal and what is not. I had to get into counseling to weed out the good and the bad traits of my family. They didn't come out with a very good score and niether did I. At that point in time I was convinced I was in no shape to handle my life decisions and kept getting pulled back into the family status quo which was killing me. All my relationships were with the same kind of people. Sort of akin to birds of a feather flock together. We just seem to gravitate to each other.That is where the breaking of the cycle begins: with me, learning a healthy way of inter acting with one and all, including myself.

01/22/2011 09:46 PM
SandraStanley
 
Posts: 11
Member

To share a bit more about my situation: I had a life which didn't include this new awareness until 2009. Following retirement and retirement following a protracted legal ordeal, at long last settled, I began a long overdue 'rest' and reflection before starting 'my' life over-now that I had finally gotten it back. In a healing session which was a guided imagery session, my four-year-old showed me herself, exhausted and disoriented; disheveled and very afraid. In fact, it took some time and the involvement of the faciliator for her to 'say' what happened. She didn't trust me enough to tell me. I was shocked, I immediately shut down, and mostly I was very, very confused. I didn't not believer Her, but I couldn't comprehend what she was telling me, although I was feeling the truth of it. The 'success' I'd achieved went away, I moved in with a trusted family member-returning to the belly of the beast, geographically; I'd been away since the sixties. I have been in recovery since 2009, the story has been collaborated by a close family member, and I am deep into Inner Child work-Lucia Cappachione's Recovery of Your Inner Child (non-dominant hand writing is Powerful!, play and art therapy-the opposite of my former corporate high finance and governance existence), Alice Miller's works, all 13 of her books which I highly recommend, Maria Montessori's work on what good parenting/educating is, and lastly I am fortunate to be working with Dr. Charles Whitfield, MD who wrote the Introduction to Lucia's book, and who wrote one of the earlier IC books, Healing the Child Within. I saw him for the first time two weeks ago in his office four hours from me, and he has me on a recovery path which he has used with thousands of people over the past 20+ years. An MD (internist), a psychologist and author and teacher, he continues to teach a summer class at Rutger's U. He combines the Inner Child with traditional methods and group therapy in his approach. He equates dysfunction and addiction as the dynamics parallel. He has done this long enough to have charted the stages one goes through and how long each one takes depending on whether or not addiction and/or chronic illness is involved. Each stage takes about 3-5 years. I enter in the stage where one works on the underlying trauma issues from which addiction/illness derive. This stage too takes about 3-5 years. He is gentle, humble, and most of all, has done his own inner healing, which many therapists have not done, which becomes an additional trauma to the patient in most cases. This (he) follows Alice Miller's emphatic insistence that this be the case; to work only with a therapist who has done his/her own healing work. I am fortunate, I know, to have been able to forestall meds (Dr. Whitlock as a physician can work with patients who want to get off meds; see his website. He has been voted, by his peers, one of the best physicians in the country.)I believe that in my commitment to my own healing, and being willing to do whatever it took to stop and connect with my Inner One, to rebuild that trust, I have been led step by painful step to the next thing I have needed. So it is with this online group. Could we be the ones we've been waiting for? Hugs matter. Hugs help, because hugs reassure, coming from a safe person. Healing is to me simply, sufficient reassurance. But we must have safe people and we have to have support. As Dr. Whitfield says in one of his books, A Gift to Myself, which is the companion workbook to his Healing the Child Within, 'you can't do it alone. And the only way to do it is alone...a paradox'. This online support group, for me, is my safe and ever present support between my twice/week groups and my as needed appointments with Dr. Whitfield. When one gets a tidal wave of trauma memory, a PTSD moment, which happens with sexual assault, one needs someone to reach out to NOW. Thank you for being here. It is my hope that we can start to sort out and make meaning of all so many of us are, in many cases desperately, trying to deal with.(95% of the population, per Dr. Whitfield are from dysfunctional homes.) I am seeing the long-running legal issue as stemming from my 'decision' at age four to 'always be strong enough', a collusion I went into with the person who tried to help me at the time, and who at the time, was my only ally. She was my Savior, I loved her, and became fused with her and that decision. I believe that what we learned in the past as we were surviving does prepare us, help us in this healing. I could not have done this work before now. But it takes time to come to know freshly if what we used then is appropriate now. Mainly, right now, I am learning to feel. I am going to return to work soon, but not before I am ready. I won't shut myself off from my feelings by using the usual excuse that 'I can't (feel) now; I must do x and x for the boss/Company'. This is one of a couple of dozen real needs I am learning I have and it is up to me to learn how to go about getting them met. I already know pretty well how to boundary myself. I did learn this over the years, but now, freshly, I have to learn how not to use those boundaries as a control. Control is a core issue; as needs is another area. I can see why it is going to take 3-5 years to do this. And I am to do one exercise and then take at least one week off, to rest, play, let it distill, integrate. Balance. A new life for my new life! I hope this overview of my situation is helpful to others. It was helpful to me to tell it...Smile

Post edited by: SandraStanley, at: 01/22/2011 09:54 PM

Post edited by: SandraStanley, at: 01/22/2011 10:12 PM


01/23/2011 11:19 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
VIP Member

Smile and there are a lot of people that will be in this group, and MDJ in general that will be helped by your point of view Smile

01/25/2011 03:24 PM
patty777

Hi Sandy and welcome to our Group, I hope it helps a lot of families in need...

welcome6

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved