Dual Diagnosis--negative energy--make it go away??

Part of the paradox of dual diagnosis, manic depression, addiction, alcoholism, substance abuse lies in how they trick our self-perception and understanding.

I have a dual diagnosis of Bipolar I with alcoholism/addiction.

Although I have been clean and sober and in recovery for more than five years, I can see that the energy that fueled my manic depression and the energy that fueled my substance abuse, is probably always going to be a part of my mind.

Much of the trearment for the BP part of my profile focuses on "making the energy go away", through the use of mood modifying meds. However, when I, a former substance abuser, faced the prospect of mood altering meds, the thought came to my mind (more then once), "How is the prescription substance different from the street substance or alcohol which I have abused!? If the mind and mood altering substances aggrevated my diseases, how then will such substances now make me well?"

I am, as it turns out, not a good candidate for pharmaceutical treatment.

I first discovered this when my meds apparently propelled me into extremes of mania and rapid cycling.

I am not challenging the meds, but I am underscoring that some of us with a history of substance abuse are hardwired to "go ape" under the influence of some of those prescription meds.

Also, realizing that the manic/depressive/addictive energy will always be with me, I began to see that I have to find some way other than pharmaceutical to manage that energy.

It is, of course, not the "energy" which gets me into trouble, but it is rather the way I reason and react to that energy which has been the problem.

Attitude and beliefs also come into play for me. THIS I have learned through cognition (self-awareness) as result of therapy, counsel, and interaction with others like me in recovery.

I have learned, when I can modify my negative attitudes, my faulty beliefs (distorted perceptions), and my unreasonable reactions, I am well on my way to managing my life and channeling the "energy" in useful, productive, satisfying, and happy ways.

In other words, I can have the disease, perhaps FOREVER; but I am confident and now well practiced in the issue of keeping my disease from ruling my life!

Time, effort, and faith that there is a different way to live--these have provided the foundation for my own recovery.

You too??

That's what this forum is about: experience, strength, and hope. No magic pill, no quick fix, no delusions--only the combined strength of people getting better.

So perhaps you too can learn how to make your "energy" work FOR you, instead of how to "MAKE IT GO AWAY?"

With love and respect,

Jim

Post edited by: JR1, at: 05/16/2008 09:58