Dual Diagnosis Support Group

To start, this is the first time publicly stating my story on the Internet - I have worries about privacy, but am continuing because I think these forums are the first time I see real people with real problems that aren't afraid of reaching out.

During college I experimented with just about every drug out there - LSD, E, mushrooms, K... pretty much everything minus heroine. College was a long time ago but I definitely have lasting negative effects that exist even today.

I've had depression and anxiety since I can remember. I've been on an anti-depressant for over 15 years. I've been in the hospital a couple of times for loosing touch with reality. They diagnose me with schizo, but looking back both times were when i stopped the anti-depressant cold turkey - which sent me into psychosis. Of course psychs didn't attribute anything to it - they prescribed an anti-psychotic and completely forgot about the fact that my bod is so used to the anti-depressant that it can't function without it. So, i'm back on the anti-depressant and my mind is straight, but I'm left with the damage that was done while I was in psychosis - several months in base cases. I wish psychs were held a little more responsible.

I've had issues with alcohol and drugs. Not something i crave, but something during hard times that i use to cope. I'm coming off of a bender - > 6 months of alcohol and cocaine abuse (the longest time I've ever continuously abused cocaine). I'm over 2 weeks clean from cocaine, but am continuing to use alcohol. I am weaning off, but find myself pretty sad trying to deal with all the things I've let pass in my life.

That has lead me to here. I'm trying to deal with life - finding a job, re-engaging relationships (I am a huge isolator), and being responsible for myself.

I'm hopeful but scared - very scared.

Thanks everyone.

Good for you reaching out. That is a hard step but necessary to getting healthy. Isolating leads to more alcohol/drug abuse because we are all alone trying to cope which adds stress and justifying and rationalizing. Congrats on the 2 weeks clean from cocaine, that is a great start.

I am glad you are sharing with us. Being Dual Diagnosed is hard work. You seem willing to do it just to get healthy that is important.

Yaay for you weaning off the alcohol,you are not alone tho and if you find it difficult we are here for you. You can chat with people on here MDJ. Get you thru the drinking wants.

Do you have a therapist to work on the issues going on inside? I find it a must for me.

Welcome to MDJ. I look forward to being your friend.

Kris

Hello and welcome.it's good your starting to break out of isolating yourself away,I myself have huge issues with the same, isolating away and living in the past which I can't come to terms with and try to use to forget?.....or at least dull it out which just don't work for I just lose touch more and more with what's real.I gave the a.a 12 step program a chance and it's really made a world of difference in my life I no it's not for everyone but it teaches you to look at yourself and be able to let go of the things that year at your soul.

Thanks Steve... I've been to a.a. meetings - so far they really haven't been for me...

Seemingly I was thinking about your story this morning and am wondering how you are doing with your sobriety? I know it is hard especially when we use one thing for our coping skills and now have to learn to use something else. Posting and talking about things will help you stay sober and help you feel better.

I find it hard to talk on here about some things that is why I am going to use the diary again. You might find that easier.

Well please let us know how you are.

Remember you are not alone.

Kris

Hi Seemingly: When you talked about isolating and being afraid that really hit me hard. I literally became afaid of my own shadow and would cry if a person looked at me wrong. The drugs and drinking gave me the courage I could never find on my own. The one thing i learned from AA is how to listen very carefully. If I was not able to hear anything in the lead I always herd something in the comments. Once or twice along the way I herd my own lead. To be able to realize that there are people out there who have been through the same things you have and many times worse. It helps you to feel greatful for the good things you do have in your life. There is nothing written in stone that says you can not walk into an AA meeting and just listen.

Yep...listening to others at a AA table is acceptable. You don't have to say anything. You could also try NA for your drug addiction. I isolated myself too before I quit drinking. I am a social butterfly now and have made lots of friends in AA.

Everyone, I completely appreciate the support... thank you. I'd like to get to know you all a bit better - message me, or I'll try and do the same.

After posting here, I completely stopped the cocaine and have no desire to ever go back.. it really has never been something that I can't leave behind and at my age it's never going to be a consideration again. Alcohol, is a different story; I can't seem to have the fun and happiness socializing without it. I've completely given up alcohol in the past for a long time... what seems to be my biggest mistake is to drink alone. I never drink that much when in public, but when I am alone and get to drinking, I end up consuming enough to get really buzzed. I'm not sure if more balance is needed - which I have had in the past and been really happy.

I guess what I'm saying is that I've been through this cycle before... but each time I go through the up-turning cycle, I can't balance out because I'm always to stressed from work (the major stressor!) and from relationships. I've started yoga, which has completely changed my life in so many ways. I'm a huge fitness fanatic - lifting weights mostly. The weights without the stretching (i have several damaged vertebrae) caused so much stress on my body that I'm pretty sure that i was digging a hole. There is just so much in life that can contribute to stress, that it can so difficult to track down the causes of a lot of my problems.

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better... but will continue to try and balance the alcohol intake.

Thanks all.

Thank you... yah... but I still have such a long way to go till i'm happy. I will always try and struggle towards peace

I am so happy for you that you have decided and been able to quit the coke. Good job!!!!!! it sounds like you are determined to stop the drinking to,you can do it and you will.

Kris