I'm tired of hearing you are not alone!

I been hearing this thing about you're not alone. Like there are so many people like me. If there are so many people like me then how come I'm the only one here?

I'm supposed to be an alcoholic and I'm supposed to be bipolar but I know a lot of people who have problems and drink to get away. If you felt like I do you probably would want to drink too. I don't want advice. Everybodys giving me advice like their some kind of expert about my life. They got jobs, and families, and money, and they're not going to lose their home, and their kids probably don't cause any problems. Enough is enough. Its easy to give advice when you don't know what your talking about.

My wife goes over to her moms house every day, while I get drunk and think about things. I play video games to get problems off my mind. I got trash all over the house, and she keeps telling me to clean up while shes gone. What's the point? One bag of trash has been here for a month right in the middle of the floor. I'm tired of walking around it but whats the difference? It just starts all over again.

I don't want a job now but my unemployment is done. I guess I can get a note from my doctor saying I'm temporarily disabled and go to SSI but thats not enough. I just want everybody to leave me alone! If they would get off my back it'd take a lot of pressure off. I don't know maybe its better to lose the house. Let them forclose. Living on the beach would be better than this! If I didn't have so much going on I wouldn't have to drink then I could figure things out. Its just a temporary deal but I can't deal with it til they leave me alone.

Im scared. I was up at 1:30 AM and I was out of whiskey and smokes and there wasn't anyplace to go. My DW came outside and just stood there in the dark and then she just said I love you and went to bed. I was drinking all day and I couldn't get drunk and my chest hurt like a heart attack but the doctor says its just anxiety. I couldn't stop crying. Im not embarrased telling that because nobody knows me.

Right now I cant afford a bunch of doctors and I cant afford a bunch of medicine and I dont need either one!

I'm sorry about my wife, but she will probably go to live with her mom anyhow. Im sorry about my house and my job and every other rotten thing but thats just bad luck. Its going to get better after I get rid of all this mess. What choice is there? Getting drunk is cheap and harmless compared to the rest of the options.

I AM alone and that's okay. I'll work it out. and I bet there are a lot of people who aggree and if you want to "help me" maybe you can get on this website and let me know that you feel the same way that I do! Im not going to say anything else, and don't worry you do gooders, Im not going to kill myself. Im too chicken!

Sleepless incognito

I don’t get you.

Why the bad attitude? This place just started, did you think there might be others who are coming in here and not posting? I'm the only one here yehh.

So far I’ve only seen James and he’s been really nice to me.

I don’t blame you for feeling anything (I’m probably the last guy on earth who can), but I’m sure you’ll start getting better as soon as you open up (in every way).

Good luck sleepless.

You’ve got my hug.

Guy

As far as letting your house go, I don't even know you but I wouldn't want to picture you as one of the people living under the bridge begging for money for their next drink. That's no way to live. I have been homeless and it is not fun or anything like camping on the beach. YOu need to realize do some deep analazing and figure out why you are so mad and what you are trying to run from?

Wishing you nothing but the best.

I wonder how you are managing right now. How has it been going for you lately? Did you let the house go? Did your wife move in with her family? Are you living under a bridge? I know that last one sounds silly and inconsiderate, but I know just how you feel, too.

I have felt the same for so long. I wonder if it was because you were having a melt down. I've had those and feel like sh_ _ when it's over. So destructive to our relationships, too. Worse though is what we are left with all the grief, guilt, and so on and wondering 'Why?'

I hope you are doing better now. I know you are not alone, but it sure feels like it when we're down there struggling, doesn't. Everyone sounds like pontificating fools. Nothing anyone says sounds genuine. Every motive is suspect, too.

Well, Honey, if you've read this and want to bitch me out or just say 'Hi!' drop me a note, ok?

Take care.

I wonder how you are managing right now. How has it been going for you lately? Did you let the house go? Did your wife move in with her family? Are you living under a bridge? I know that last one sounds silly and inconsiderate, but I know just how you feel, too.

I have felt the same for so long. I wonder if it was because you were having a melt down. I've had those and feel like sh_ _ when it's over. So destructive to our relationships, too. Worse though is what we are left with all the grief, guilt, and so on and wondering 'Why?'

I hope you are doing better now. I know you are not alone, but it sure feels like it when we're down there struggling, doesn't. Everyone sounds like pontificating fools. Nothing anyone says sounds genuine. Every motive is suspect, too.

Well, Honey, if you've read this and want to bitch me out or just say 'Hi!' drop me a note, ok?

Take care.

In the last summer of my childhood, I found myself on the outside looking in--without power to enter.

There before me, beyond the glass wall, the party raged on--there beyond the wall they laughed, all my dreams incarnate.

I turned away, beckoned by desperation to run into the wilderness, therein to find my power.

After days of solitary sojourn, I found the secret pond. None but I had ever seen it.

I made the first footfalls in the moist and fertile soil.

I wandered through the trees near to the shores of the pond, and I found a mighty willow, its sage and tranquil veils murmuring with every subtle breeze.

I opened my pocket knife, and I carved my initials into the thick and venerable trunk of the willow.

Thereafter I spent many langorous days of peace, exploring the serene and tranquil basin; and, each time I neared the edge of the pond, I tossed a pebble into its mirrored waters.

I had found my power--the power of knowledge--privileged knowledge of that which had formerly escaped all awareness.

I had been the first to do all these things in that secret place.

Upon my return from the wilderness, the din of the party had vanished, yet one among the revellers had lingered to await me.

Elated by the power of my new knowledge, I gloated openly about my discovery of the pond.

I had been the first to tell of that secret place.

Then, I departed into my future.

Years later, near the end of my life, I sought, once more, the secret pond.

Following days of solitary sojourn, I ultimately approached the basin of the pond.

In the sterile and arid soil beneath my feet I observed trails of footprints eminating from every direction, seeming to converge somewhere in the distance beyond me.

I observed that all of the ancient and formerly stately willows lay rotting in the sun, hewn by a million brands.

At the end of the footprints, where my secret pond had once rippled and glistened in the wake of gentle westerly sprites, I observed a pyramid of pebbles, the shadow from which seemed to blot heaven itself.

"..the power of fools!" I exclaimed.

In the winter of my life, I found myself thus--on the inside, with tears..., looking out.

--By Sleepless Incognito--