Dual Diagnosis Support Group

OUr foundations are the most important thing that keeps us sober. When I went into rehab I was only inpatient for 7 days because of insurance. So I lived in sober living as an outpatient for 3 months. It was hard because my boys kept begging me to come home and I missed them so much. But I needed to build a strong foundation . If I relapsed again I was going to die. I learned so much at Loma Linda it was awesome. I also met my husband there which was really cool. My foundation is really strong, I am sober 6 years now. And I have no desire to drink. All I have to remember is the past and how bad it was.

My foundation first would be God alto I forget to put him first some times. Next I get my strength from my family, sisters, brother, daughters, and grandsons. When I think of the money I spent on cocaine and also on booze it repulses me. The sneaking, the lying, being so fucked up, hanging with peopole I had no business being with.Sometimes when I think about it, it is a nightmare. I get my support from family and MDJUNCTION. I can tell you it all and no one tells me,"Sara, you were really fkd up". I have forgiven myself for my past but deep in my heart, I in no way blame bp on my addictions but had I been in tx earlier and been honest with my pdocs alot of this could have been avoided. I have been clean from cocaine and alcohol for almost 3 years. I can't lie, I have slipped with opiates a few times.

Post edited by: saralaurie, at: 04/05/2009 17:07

My children were the reason I got sober and one of the reasons I stay sober. They need me and I could never leave them. I haven't been able to forgive myself for all the horrible things I've done. You bipolar is partially responsible because we have no control over ourselves however, we should've got help even though I didn't know there was anything wrong I just assumed I was a horrible person. I gave up trying to be good person because it was just easier. I gave into my mood swings and that was just who I was that and an alcoholic. I planned to live like that forever. Than my sons started begging me to quit drinking. And I saw what my mood swings were doing to them I knew I had to change no matter how hard it was going to be. I was destroying my children.

Taurus,

i admire your honesty and strength. It is hard to share our experiences online...baring all. The mentality you speak of, with bp, like a horrible person, is so true.

People without our disorders think we are spoiled, selfish and assume we have complete control of what we do. we dont. Im not making excuses...but no one can understand our illness unless they have it themselves.

I admit, I really think a strong foundation for me would have to be structure and routine. I dont have that now. I try so hard every day...exhausted for each little hurdle I get over.

Taurus, do not think for one moment you were any worse than I was. My family did an intervention on my life. They gave me an untimatum. Pick them or pick my addictions, a week later when an opening was available I went to rehab for 30 days and it was covered by the state.....thank God. My dad was willing to pay for it and thank God he didn't have to. Everyone thought my husband and I had the perfect leave it to Beaver life, little did they know we were buying an 8 ball just about every weekend and drank every night after work. At the time we were functioning addicts. Don't beat yourself up. We screwed up but we have learned.

Alright you were worse. I try to look at all the good things I do. And I try to remember that I'm a different person now. But you know it's hard in fact it's one of my triggers. I can't left myself feel despair. Part of my foundation is my selfworth which is hard to come by sometimes. Especially when I'm depressed, it's no problem when I'm hypo.

I am right with you on the selfworth. I am having trouble with that today. I do everyday. I went from having a wonderful life with my husband and two daughters and things feel apart. We divorced and I became more manic yet undiagnosed. I tore my family apart even tho my husband and I had many flaws we could have tried to fix it. We didn't. Now, I am 51, no job, living with my daughter and her sons. I made a shit load of mistakes and I am scared to death to go look for a job. Unemployment will make it okay for awhile but it is only temporary. If I couldn't make it in a factory when prior to that I had always worked in the medical field I sometimes really doubt myself. Is it me? Is it bipolar?.......lol you didn't have to say that I was worse

Sorry I said you were worse. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with selfworth. For me it's the hardest when my memory fails and I forget to do something.

I was much, much worse than both of you put together...lol. No, really. We all have our bottoms, our pains. I think no matter where we come from, what we did, what draws us together is that we hurt the same. I never went to treatment. But I went to the psych ward a few times. I diagnosed myself an alcoholic before I was diagnosed as bipolar. When I took the alcohol out of my system and got sober the bipolar took over my life and that's when the psych ward came in. I've been sober for 16, almost 17 years. My foundation is AA and my higher power and friends and I guess my pdoc even though I'm not happy with him right now because he called out sick on me this morning. I love this forum and the people I've met here.

If you want to get into a pissing match about who was worse. I went to rehab to the tune of $30,000. Insurance paid for it but it was a complete waste of money. I did not get sober until 3 years after that after many drunken episodes that left my children scarred. When I did get sober using AA, I was not able to stay sober. Worked the steps 3 times did 90 in 90 days had sponsors the whole bit. I have had 3 years worth of sobriety twice, and 14 months and so on. I am one of those "rarely" people AA speaks about. I went to rehab in 1996. It is 2009 and I have 7 months sober. Diagnosed bipolar in September of 2007.