Newy

Thanks for the post, and the reminder of where I've been myself, at times.

...and I used to think I was so alone and so unique. Like you, I just wanted to find a way out and to find somebody else who has dealt with some of the same "crap."

I was amazed to find so many people, and so close, who went through what I did and what you are going through.

We were all once carrying an incredible load, but those of us who CHOSE to recover found friends and help and support. Many of us have faced it. I faced it, but with help I learned to live differently. I believe you can do it too!

Thanks for joining.

With friendship,

Jim

1) After the smoke cleared, after each episode, I convinced myself that I "wasn't that bad." (denial)

2) I "pulled back" and never really reached out for help. I was going to "hold off" or wait for another day, another week, a better time.

3) I didn't really know what I was up against, because, until I could stand outside myself, that is until I was willing to see myself through the eyes of others like me and through the guidance of health pros, I had no real clue (you mentioned recently finding out about your bp) about how insane I had become!

I September 2002, I was on my knees. My prognosis in every sense was death. I felt there was no escape, and I cried, "God help me." Even an atheist, feeling the desperation that I felt, would have resorted to such a plea.

I couldn't go on living, but I didn't want to die.

It was in that moment that the door of hope opened. I had been beaten. I wanted to change.

Now I have found that change, for the most part, and I have found, day-by-day, a daily reprieve from my desperation, my insanity, and my untimely death.

I have some of the happiness which had always seemed just out of reach, and I believe the same happiness is available to all of us.

And, yes, ironically is was a choice, a simple choice but hard for me, to reach out for that happiness.

Who'd a thunk it!

Like I said, I believe, with help and faith, that you can do it too!

With friendship and respect,

Jim

P.S. You are most definately NOT a failure!

Thank you very much for your posts. ...for demonstrating how you turned desperation and pain into assets for change and growth.

That was the turning point for me; and, yes, the AA concept, my sponsor, and all of my many DD friends have given me the "tools", which you mentioned.

The marriage of therapy and medical treatment with psychic change (attitudes, beliefs, reactions) suggested by AA--the combination has saved my tail!

What you have shared gives us all encouragement, and proves that there is a way out--a harder way maybe, but, I have found, a reliable way!

Thanks again, Y'all!

Regards,

Jim