New at this, losing sons to drugs

I have three sons who are addicted to several different types of drugs. I have done everything short of having them arrested for what they are doing.

They really want to get help, but none of us have the means to get the help. I am in very poor health and all of what they are doing is dragging me down even further than my diseases are. Does any one have suggestions?

Post edited by: southernbelle4, at: 05/20/2008 16:12

Fighter is right, Have you tried social services? They offer insurance for low income people and also have mental health programs of their own.....ones they will help pay for.....there are treatment programs that will help you apply for benifits when you call them. Just ask when calling. Some community centers offer extra financial help for people that fall between being broke and being rich!!!

I hope that this helps a little. Can you tell us more of what you have done and tried? You can PM me anytime. Your friend,Chris

Thank you for answering back to me. You made me feel like I wasn't alone. My sons are 28, 26, and 22. They have been on drugs for from what I have been getting out of them for over 10 years.

No, I haven't tried social services, because I have been afraid of what might happen to them if I did. My oldest might make it in jail, but the other two, especialy the youngest would not.

I will look into that and see what they can do for them but I don't think it will be too much since we live in Arkansas.

Thank you for caring, for the advice, and for the wonderful hug. Everything was very much appreciated. Right now I just feel like I am at the end of my rope and can't hold on much longer if something doesn't break real soon around here. I just can't take all the drug use and all the fighting.

Thanks for listening and I hope to hear back from you soon. Please tell me something about what you are going through, maybe I can return the kindness.

Many Thanks...southernbell4

Thank you for writing to me, I appreciate you taking the time as well as did "fighter". I haven't checked with social services yet, but I am going to see what I can do about that.

It is so hard to get around to doing the things that I need to do because of my illnesses keeping me down and then theres my sons addictions, which everything goes on their timetable of feeling like doing what I need done when they feel like it.

I don't have any friends and my family, well lets just say I do all the calling but no one ever calls me, so I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my problems. To make matters worse, my husband works an hour and a half a way from where we live so he stays there during the week and comes home on the week ends. So, I am left to deal with all by myself along with everything else.

I just do know how much more of this I can take. No matter how much I try to make things better it just seems to get worse.

Thank you for the hug and for caring, I really appreciated it very much. Would write me back and tell me something about you and what you are going through, maybe I can return the kindness.

Many Thanks...southernbelle4

Help for you might involve the tough love? do they come to you for help, assistance, and/or do any of them live with you?

Sometimes we have to detach. We cannot help them, they have to want to help themselves...and until they hit bottom, or wake up and realize what a mess they are making of their lives, it won't happen.

Are they employed? Are they getting in fights with people, stealing, or that? I am not sure how bad off their lives are.

My son, who is 26, got heavily involved last year, from what he tells me. He has since lost his job, almost got arrested driving to his drug dealers and broken off with his fiance (actually that might be the best since he CLAIMS she was doing this stuff and he eventually got into it...but who knows).

He now lives in a 5th wheel trailer that his father owns, and he has nothing. He found a job at a little store where he worked when he was about 18 thru about 22....making min. wage after making about 18.00/hour.

It is sad, but he verbally assaults me.

May I suggest, if you are dealing with any disrespect, anger, and are fearful...getting yourself into counseling to help you stay strong...also Kaiser Hospitals have Group Counseling for those who have adult addicted kids or spouses. There is also the FREE Al Anon that helps those of us in these situations.

I think people get into this because they are masking some sort of personal pain, physical or mental! I am hoping that things work out for you and your boys.

I believe in 12 step programs and giving back what I have been given from them. I went to treatment in 2001 after a relapse. It saved my life. i too was afraid of what was going to happen to me and my children. I thought they would get taken....nothing happened. I was givin another chance to live and have a good life free of addictions.

Social services wouldn't put them in jail for things they have done. They are there to help and have financial resources to pay for treatment. Usually they are more than happy to see someone getting help.

Have you called any treatment centers near you? Sometimes they will do the paper work for you and get them in right away. Are they willing to go to treatment? Have they ever gone to NA meetings? They don't cost anything. There are meetings for you too called NarcAnon. They help you understand your part in the addiction and how it is affecting you. They can teach you how to take care of yourself and the best way to deal with your sons.

I so understand your pain...both physically and emotionally. No mother wants to see her children take the wrong path in life....and to have 3 of them ....I can't imagine what you're going through.

Hang in there.....I'm here for you any time.

Your friend,Chris

for whatever reason, my individual therapist outside of the co dependent group said that I should not go to the Narc. Annon. meetings locally here...I got the impression that those were only for the ones addicted??? They actually recommend the Al Anon...so not sure what is up with that..but I got a bit afraid to show my face at Narc. Annon.

But anyway, we are here to help. Some have been there themselves, like mommy, and have lots of knowledge you can gain and learn from.

I hope that this clears up my spelling mistake...OOOOPS!!!

Take care, Chris

Post edited by: mommyofsixFriend2U, at: 05/23/2008 13:22

and, thanks for clearing that up Chris...I guess that Nar Anon and Narcotics Annonymous must be two different groups, then. I did not know that! Take care friend!!!!