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02/10/2010 06:06 AM

cocaine addict relapsing(page 2)

Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
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Des,

Is it possible to get admitted to the psyche ward again? I have never quit a drug, well except coffee and cigs so the only way I know is cold turkey. I know how hard that can be. Lets try to think of other options. Group???

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02/10/2010 10:14 AM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4080
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I'm an Advocate

I don't know if I got it right but you are saying that you don't want to quit smoking pot because for you its a pain reliever. What kind of pain do you have, do you have pain meds. So you can't go to rehab to stop the coke because you smoke pot and don't intend to quit it. So you will have to go cold turkey with the coke. Is that what you are saying.

I know if I had coke it would be so hard to throw out, to flush it, I know how hard it is, but the other option of con't doing coke is not the choice to make so you have to throw it out. You have to stop now before it gets really bad. Then you will have to go through detox again and that is even harder. We are here to give you support. Just write how you are feeling, that will help, vent to us, it will help, we are here to listen to you and to support you. You can send me a PM or just have the members help you and support you. We are here to help you get through the detox.


02/11/2010 04:35 AM
Des47
Posts: 64
Member

Hi. I guess I should introduce myself a little more and then you will understand where my pot and the pain relief comes in. I understand the logic that I should be clean from everything, to be clean and to prevent myself from substituting one substance for another as I have always done.

I have Multiple Sclerosis and Peripheral Neuropathy. I have suffered with pain in my legs and feet constantly for a few years now. My pain wasn't being managed by my neuro because of my suicide attempt and I was already smoking pot to help me to numb my new reality of my illness.

I found that my pain did seem to be slightly improved after smoking a joint, so that became my pain control for a while. I have been under different management and I am on neurontin for my pain but it doesn't take the pain away.

I don't have a choice but to go cold turkey. I have to be able to deal with the "crash", without it being noticeable to my partner and I don't know how to do that.

I went to my class this morning and I only used a little to try to prove to myself that I could be confident and open without using because today my supply is up.

It was a disaster and I am terrified because I needed the coke for confidence and I have such anxiety because I didn't cope well even on a little.

I use about every 3 to 4 hours and when it nears time, I know, because I get restless and I get abdominal pain and I only settle once I have used.

My supply is up and I am so irritable and I have so much anxiety within me, but not because I need to use, but because I don't have any more.

Des


02/11/2010 07:55 AM
Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
VIP Member

If you value your relationship you should know that deception is not healthy for it. You need to deal with telling your partner and I bet she will be glad to help. Des I am not sure if you are a man or a woman. Sorry about that but please let me know. Anyway you can't have a close relationship with someone and keep something this big from her. You owe her better than that. You opwe her honesty.

Like Ana said we are all here to support you. Please post as often as you like and let us know step by step what is going on for you. You can do this I know you can. We have helped others get sober and we can help you too. Please think about what I said. I truly care.


02/11/2010 09:43 AM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4080
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Well now what is the definition of being clean, I do pain meds because of a medical condition, I don't abuse the meds or get high on them, they just help me to function. Now marijuana is being legalized in some states for medicinal purposes. New Jersey just made it legal as a med, there are alot of condition and rules placed on it. So are you clean eventhough you are doing the meds others abuse and get it illegally because you are doing it for medical reasons.

I know CA and NJ has made it legal and another state out west. So there you can get a presciption for it if you have one of their diagnosis. So is it wrong for you to use it now because you buy it illegally and not from a dr. Do any members have an answer to that. I personally don't think it is bad if you are using it for medical reasons and not abusing it.

I take neurontin too but it just takes off the edge of the nerve pain, it doesn't take it away, and my pain is alot worse w/o it. I tried stopping it and the pain increased. So it does help alittle, for you too, it has to do w/ the nerve endings, and having neuropathy is probably why you are taking it.

You are having anxiety because you don't have the coke and the coke gave you confidence, that is why I was addicted to coke, Then I realized that deep down inside I was the same person and if I can be open and friendly and make friends on coke, why can't I do it w/o coke its not like the coke made me a better person, just the opposite. So you really don't need the coke, you need to work on your confidence and self esteem.


02/12/2010 03:43 AM
Des47
Posts: 64
Member

It has only been a day since I have used, but I am feeling so down and I just feel crap emotionally.

Yvonne, I am female by the way. You spoke about being honest with my partner, and about deception not being good for the relationship and although I hear what you say, I believe that sometimes we have to decieve, to spare our partners unneccessary pain and concern.

My partner has had to put up with so much from me over the years, we have been together for 22 yrs, and since I got ill, I have been in self-destruct mode and she has had enough.

She throws it in my face that I couldn't even stay off the pot and that I have become so weak mentally, which I have.

I don't ever share anything with her because she never understands so I know, I can't speak to her about the coke.

Thanks for listening everyone.


02/12/2010 05:18 AM
mmikkyb
Posts: 3
Member

hey Des

following down same path...Im 45 and dont ever think I will never crave the blow...I have narrowed it down to special events, and have actually made sure i have two days after to recover because its the only time I drink is when Im partying...and partying hard!

let me know whats goin on

mike


02/12/2010 02:59 PM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4080
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I'm an Advocate

Des that's too bad you can't be honest w/ your partner and get her support, it woulkd make things so much easier, not only by getting her support but because you don't have to hide things from her and make sure you don't slip up.

You are not mentally weak you just haven't hit bottom hard enough to make you want to quick, to see it as a survivial, life or drugs. Once you hit bottom you will be ready to quit, i just hope your partner is still there to help you. You can write here anytime we will always be here to listen to you and support you. Maybe if you try quitting the coke again, the cravings will be there for a long time but you have to be stronger than the coke and its cravings. Let us know how you are doing.


02/12/2010 03:19 PM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4080
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I'm an Advocate

mmikkyb, let me see if I understand you, you do coke 2 days out of the year and you drink alot and need 2 days to recover,

I use drink alot and do coke everyday.

but is that what you are saying, don't you crave coke inbetween


02/14/2010 08:28 AM
Des47
Posts: 64
Member

Today is really crap for me. I am feeling so flat and emotional and today I have craved. I went to where I met my dealer and I watched another buy go down and I cried because I didn't have money on me, just to buy once more.

I am trying to distract myself but I am struggling today.

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