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rhon Posts: 116
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Hi I am writing about my ex BF who is BP and has alcohol and AD dependency He is also a practicing surgeon who is a master at covering up his issues. Last August I finally referred him for a Med Society Intervention for treatment. He went away for one week-end then was evaluated in patient for another 2-3 weeks. He returned late sept. October 1st I got an email from the interventionist sayign "a referral was in progress but no decisions had been made". Well he is out operating and drinking just as much Question: has anyone ever talked their way out of rehab. IS this common How does it work. thanks |
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courseygal
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It is possible to say all the right things and act as though you've changed just to get out of rehab. The staff is usually smart enough to figure it out, or someone squeals, but people can slip through their fingers. Most likely he had someone like another patient coaching him. You cannot make him quit. There are those who quit permanently after going to rehab, those who go over and over again before finally quitting, and those who spend years and years without intervention, running from help until they can't run any longer. That is the whole point of an addict. We will run and run until we can no longer run, then, and only then will we accept help. If he is a surgeon he may very well think he is above it all. When a person's ego is that big the road to recovery is much rockier. You've done your best...you got him an intervention. These do not always work, as you have seen. What he needs to hear now is how damaging his behavior is and that you care about him (he doesn't have to still be your bf for you to care). This is all about survival and I know you want him to be clean and sober. But you can't force him. He has to want to quit for his own reasons. Stand by and give him support for that is the most you can offer now. Melanye  |
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courseygal
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It is possible to say all the right things and act as though you've changed just to get out of rehab. The staff is usually smart enough to figure it out, or someone squeals, but people can slip through their fingers. Most likely he had someone like another patient coaching him. You cannot make him quit. There are those who quit permanently after going to rehab, those who go over and over again before finally quitting, and those who spend years and years without intervention, running from help until they can't run any longer. That is the whole point of an addict. We will run and run until we can no longer run, then, and only then will we accept help. If he is a surgeon he may very well think he is above it all. When a person's ego is that big the road to recovery is much rockier. You've done your best...you got him an intervention. These do not always work, as you have seen. What he needs to hear now is how damaging his behavior is and that you care about him (he doesn't have to still be your bf for you to care). This is all about survival and I know you want him to be clean and sober. But you can't force him. He has to want to quit for his own reasons. Stand by and give him support for that is the most you can offer now. Melanye |
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rhon Posts: 116
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He hasnt spoken to me since August 1st has blamed me and called me toxic it is a dual diagnosis, maybe even a triple- his psych says he is borderline PD he got addicted to Wellbutrin, began acting Manic and then started drinking heavily all the while calling me nuts. oh man Ive sent a few emails with no response and he has told people he wants nothing to do with me ever again its quite awful |
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rhon Posts: 116
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He hasnt spoken to me since August 1st has blamed me and called me toxic it is a dual diagnosis, maybe even a triple- his psych says he is borderline PD he got addicted to Wellbutrin, began acting Manic and then started drinking heavily all the while calling me nuts. oh man Ive sent a few emails with no response and he has told people he wants nothing to do with me ever again its quite awful |
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courseygal
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Addicts can be horrible to others, especially those telling us we need to quit and change our lives. Since he is also bipolar this tendency is only worse. This is where Al-anon could really help you. They offer support to those who are family/friends of alcoholics and addicts. They can see exactly where you are coming from. It is probably a good thing that he is cutting off ties with you. You need to focus on yourself now and healing. If you are chasing after him that is never going to happen. I know that it hurts, but it is going to hurt much worse if you continue the way you are going. Melanye |
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Isaiah4110 Posts: 15
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Hello It's been a while since I took part in this forum. My son is 20 yrs old and an opiate addict. He has recently been discharged from the outpatient Chemical Dependency program (12 step) he has been in for the last 2 months. They have referred him to mental health since he is not working the program very well. He has had a number of clean urine tests, and the program director has discharged him saying he is "all over the place" and in and out of the meetings, etc. My question is does anyone have experience with any programs other than 12 step? It may be typical addict behavior, but my son seems to not be able to even get through step 1. He has been scheduled for a psych. eval. , but I was curious about other programs out there. Thanks for any input you may have. --worn out and hopeful mom... |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
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Hi rhon, I think most rehab personel would have heard it all and see thru his veneer but then again I have no experience there so who knows. I haven't seen you around so I want to say welcome to the forum. I have heard that medical personel have a high rate of addiction. Maybe its true. I don't know what more you can do though. Is he using while on duty? That would be pretty serious. I'd hate to think my surgeon was high. Keep us posted on the rehabs determination. again its nice to see you here. Yvonne A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
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Isaiah4110, Hi and welcome to the group! At least I think you are new. Anyway my daughter is also an opiate addict. She has never been thru rehab (detox only once) and hasn't just quit the opiates and gone it alone. She is on methadone maintanance. She tried meetings too but they didn't work well for her. She is deathy anxious and shy and says she couldn't particpate. Also one doesn't neccessarily have to work the steps to get something from the meetings. My middle daughter has been in AA since she was 17 (now 31) and has never worked the steps. I would encourage him as much as possible without being controlling and see how he does. You are doing all the right things. Yvonne A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
VIP Member
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Wellbutrin is an antidepressant and I don't think you can really get addicted to it. Antidepressants can make a bipolar person manic and mania is not good. It can be very destructive (I have bipolar dieorder). Anyway try not to let him push you away if possible. He doesn't know thru his anger that he needs you now. Maybe give him some time. A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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