Sudden Illness??

He is an admitted former heroin user....but supposedly this stopped over a year ago. He likes pain pills, a little too much, and I know they are similar to heroin. He swears he doesnt do it anymore, but every once in a while, he comes down with these migraines, and other physical symptoms out of no where.

He was with friends yesterday, while I worked, and when I got home, he seemed like he was a little out of it. By the time we went to bed, he was vomiting, and had a migraine so bad that he couldnt sleep. He didnt go to work today, and is complaining of sweats, then chills, and still has his head in the crapper.

And of course, since I suggested that maybe his "sudden illness" may be drug related......I am now "paranoid, and accusing". Its just odd, he was fine yesterday......

Overreacting? I am very paranoid, I have kids in my house, and I will not tolerate drug use.

Any input? (I do know that one night we were drinking, and he took Oxy.....and this is exactly how he was the next day)

Maybe he does have the flu or something. You would know if it were something like that. You said he has this come out of nowhere often. How many times? Has he seen a doctor? Would he be willing to take a drug test? You can buy them in the pharmacy. He would take one if he isn't lying! I had my bf take one a few years ago b/c he had lied and I thought he was using again...... it turned out negative and he was more than happy to prove his innocence. has he done anything else that arouses your suspicions?

I'd go with your gut instincts on this one! You're probably right! I'm here if you need to talk! Your friend, Chris

I have explained why I don't trust him, and why I jump to that conclusion. He still insists he has never lied, which I know he does. Then after he gets mad, he spends the rest of the time kissing my behind....

He says he has a history of migraines. He does not have insurance, which is why he will not go to a doc now, but says he has seen one before, and they won't give him meds for migraines(which I dont believe either). This has happened before, not so much as of lately, but it always seems to be after he has spent some time with this certain group of friends. He sees these guys at least once a week, and it never fails, the morning after he is with them, he is very difficult to wake up, he says he hardly slept, and he is very moody....to the point of being nasty.

We had a big argument about it yesterday, and he said that it is really difficult for him to even want to go anywhere, because he knows that I will accuse him of doing something when he gets back. So, his lack of a social life has now become my fault. He goes to work, comes home, and "bends over backwards to make me happy", and he doesnt know what to do anymore. I'm not sure if that is the truth, and I am that overbearing, or if that his manipulative way of shifting focusing to make me the problem.

Just sucks, my gut is telling me that there are things going on, but when I try to get answers, I get the blame.

If he truely wasn't doing anything wrong, he'd be understanding to you concerns and try to help you deal with those feelings. He'd do anything to prove that he is telling the truth instead of putting the blame on you. You said it only happens when he gets home from visiting those certain friends. That right there is very suspicious. Why is he hanging out with the friends he used with anyways? He should be finding friends that don't use and that support him in his efforts to stop using drugs. He seems very defensive to your questioning him. He should be more understanding b/c he is the one who lied in the first place. You won't get straight answers until he isn't using or you have proof of it!!! He isn't going to admit he used and risk losing you. It is addictive behaviors and addictive personality. I wrote about it in the addiction/recovery group. You may want to read it. He wants it all!!! You, drugs and the ability to manipulate the situation to fit his needs.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know it hurts and is very frustrating. What would you do if he is lying? Would anything change? Would you leave him? Is it worth staying if you don't trust him? How can you work on yourself so you don't put yourself through this? You will end up driving yourself nuts if you keep worrying about him and not focus on you. I hope that everything works out for you and that he finially gets clean and gets honest with himself and you. Do you think you're the problem? Does he "bend over backwards" to make you happy? If he did, he wouldn't have that kind of reaction to your questions. Can you ask him in a different way that would make him less defensive?

How long did he take OXY? I have taken it a few different times when it was perscribed by a doctor. Even after taking it for a short peroid of time, I needed help getting off of it. There are horrible withdrawls that happen when it is stopped. Headaches, chill, shaking, sweats, and vomiting are a few of them.

You know his behaviors and moods best when he is lying and telling the truth. You know how he acts when he is being caught in the lie. You know your instincts and how you feel when he is doing those things.

I'm here to listen and try to help if I can. This is just my opinion from my own experience. You should follow your own instinct first. Maybe something I say may help ou figure things out. I do hope for the best for you!!!

Your friend,Chris

In recovery my relationships have been more dysfunctional and bizarre then even when I was drinking. I went out with a pharmasist for a while. Great job, very funny - a great guy. I walked into his house one day and he was sitting in the dark, staring straight ahead. Um, hello, I said to him. I knew at that moment something was very wrong. He looked at me and said "I don't love you. Leave." He didn't have to tell me twice. I was devestated because we had been together for a year. I honestly just didn't get it.

Three days later I was reading the paper and who had just been arrested for CRACK possesion? Yep. Sure enough.

And he was a pharmasist!! Someone who had access to 100% pure cocaine but chose to do crack.

If someone isn't in recovery and know they are an addict - there is no helping them unless they are willing to help themselves. You are on the right track. Go with your gut. Anytime I haven't listened to mine, I have regretted it.