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wagst5
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Mike, I have a feeling she is not doing as well in her new situation as she would like you to believe. She is probably hoping that you will cave in, and tell her to come back, and that she can feed her addiction at your place, as long as she is back. And she knows that it is probably killing you to think that someone else is making her happy....(the diamond ring thing).....and remember, its all CRAP. I have the maternal instinct as well, as I take failure personally. Even when it is obvious that it is something out of my control. I am so hurt by my boyfriends lies, after everything that I have done for him. Yet, I still blame myself in some way for failing. It must be something that I am doing/not doing to cause his behavior. And I know that is not the truth of it, and I am working on why I feel like this. It has been much easier on me to let go of those feelings once I have thrown the ball out of my court. I hope you realize again, that you deserve so much better. And if you want to form a support group for why we feel like failures, you can count me in Post edited by: wagst5, at: 04/30/2008 19:14 ~tracy |
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MikeG
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The whole diamond ring thing actually made me laugh for the first time since she left. It was so perfect. Like I said, her dad literally called me like 45 minutes before her saying she was already calling him for money. Looks like her new "boyfriend" is not making her all that happy. And good for him. Maybe he is doing what I never did. Telling her that if she wants a new pair of $400 shoes - get a job and buy them. |
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sallie
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Mike: listen to wags...she is living proof...and living the way YOU do not want nor deserve, guy!!! flush that pride..it is FALSE pride, my dear. call that counselor we talked about and PM me to give me an update when you have made your appt...sometimes it takes weeks to get in. You have ALL of us here!  The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own. Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881
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JPMarie
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Hi Mike! YES...Funny, as the Diamond Ring thing you stated made me laugh too...WOW! Talking about starving for attention...Too funny...However, Do not blame yourself, being paternal is a good trait... and also being competitive is a good thing...You will EVENTUALLY get over her and NOTE TO SELF, she is doing YOU a favor, not the other way around. My best to you...Ladies you all are great.. I really have enjoyed being part in this MDJUNCTION and helping Mike out.....What a great way to speak out and have your voice heard. Have a day! |
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MikeG
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Hi everyone. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their help last week. I am not going to lie and say that I am not still hurting a bit. However, I have taken the first steps into getting this woman (child) out of my life. Although, the funny thing is that she took the steps for me. LOL. I sent her an email just to say hello and ask how she is doing. her response was "stop emailing me". After 6 years of "friendship". The funny thing is that as hurt as you may think I was reading that, it was somewhat of a relief. That is a very tough thing to come back from or explain your way out of. That being said, one thing I have learned is that these people are shameless, and who knows, my phone may ring a month or a year from now. Doesn't matter. There is nothing she can say to come back from that. I can not even explain the monster that this hellish drug has turned her in to. I have learned so much through all of you and the meetings I have gone to. Unfortunatelty, I have also learned how my love for Danielle fed her addiaction. I have apologized to her family for this and made my peace with them, which means a lot to me. If she ever goes to rehab and completes 6 months, I can be her friend. But that is not going to happen. Incidently, she has not called her father, mother or sister once since she left me (except once for money) so I find it hard to believe she is doing well. And when she is clean and with me, she calls them all the time. Anyhow, it is not my problem or my worry anymore. Thank you all again. I will keep you posted. BEst regards, Mike |
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mommyofsixFriend2U
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Hi Mike, That is wonderful!!!!!! I'm so glad that you are doing the things you need to get healthy! It will help you so much with any relationship you have in your life. No matter who it is with, family, friends, co-workers and girlfriends. Most addicts have alot of shame and guilt for what they do. I know I did. Addiction feeds off the shame and it is a vicious cycle. There are some that are not capable of feeling much of anything. They have learned not to feel from childhood issues or some other traumatic event in their lives. That is no excuse to treat people poorly as some addicts do. It is unfortunate that she treated you that way. I hope that everything works out for you and that your life gets better! Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing! You may be able to help others in similar situations here. Your friend, Chris Your Friend, Chris |
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MikeG
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I do look forward to the opportunity to be of help to others. You hit the nail on the head. Danielle feels nothing. She does not feel, shame, guilt or love. You know how to tell? She uses the word "love" all the time. She says she loves everyone. She has no idea what that word means. If she did, she would not use it when she says goodbye to her crack dealer or someone who she knows just robbed her. It is sickening. Listening to it, just amplifies what nonsense the love she expressed to me was. If I ever wanted to give advice to anyone, the one thing I have learned through this ordeal is that despite my pride, crack addiction is bigger then me. I can not help her. Like I said, it is bigger then her new "boyfriend of the month" as well. And maybe she is doing well for now, but it can't last without help and that will end soon enough. What I need to do is prepare myself for what my response is going to be when my phone rings from a private number at 3:00 am in a month or year from now. It will happen. Its my job to be ready to make the right decision when it does.
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sallie
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I bet you do make the right decision. alot of counties and cities have co-dependent group meetings...look on the net for your city...they will help you stay focused if you need the support...or even the co-dependent group on this site. anyway, I just know that you are not going to be tempted at all.  The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own. Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881 |
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JPMarie
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Good Work Mikey! Addicts can be very mean and manipulative and cold hearted. I wish and can only hope your attitude continues to be strong, positive and you move into a better place for YOU!...I am now going through a very, very hard time in my life right now..my husband of 12 years, living with his addiction for 6 years, is leaving me as this past 3 months, I have been at the end of my rope with his drug use, that supposedly the stress I place on him from his drug use, he states has pushed him away..It breaks my heart to pieces as I love my husband so much. What does a girl do? Drugs kill, steal and destroy and Mike you are so right on...Cocaine and Crack is much bigger than WE are...so true as I just ask you all for a prayer for me...as I am expecting my second baby and it is going to hurt to see him walk out on us, especially being that I am a stay at home Mom...I hope I can make it...Love, JP |
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MikeG
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JP, I would never want to compare our situations. It would not be fair to you. I am dealing with a fake girlfriend. You are dealing with a spouse and with children. All I can tell you is that until he wants to help himself you are powerless. That's what I mean when I say crack/cocaine is bigger then us. It is the only problem I have ever accepted that I can not solve. Do not let him use your marriage or your children as an excuse to accept less then you deserve. If your love and your children mean something to him, he will do what he has to do to get himself healthy. It will not happen overnight and it certainly will not happen if you hang on to him. I do not only look at myself as wasting 6 years of my life with Danielle, I also look at wasting 6 years of HER life. DO I know she would have gotten help if I shut her out earlier? No. But I know that she certainly did not get any with me enabling her. An addict will usually only get help when they know that there is no way out of their current situation (ie, no money, no home, no job, no Mike) Be stong. I will pray for you. PS: Incidently, after telling me not to e-mail her anymore, Danielle called me at 3:00 am last night. She was drunk or high - I didn't bother to ask. She told me that her "boyrfriend" made her write that. I told her either way, I did not have anything to say to her. Wished her the best and hung up the phone. Post edited by: MikeG, at: 05/07/2008 09:22 |
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