Drug Addiction Support Group

Hi all,

Just joined this group. Started out by hiding in the Ehlers Danlos sg. That was a safe place to start. It causes a whole litany of medical symptoms I could focus on, which then kept me off the most painful part of the past 3 years- the role that addiction and co-dependency have had in the destruction and, hopefully re-building, of my family. Kathy, I feel your pain, not to the exact degree or extent but of a similar nature. My 17 y/o is addicted to pot, narcotics and benzos. Thankfully, she hasn't messed around with the iv stuff yet, but she's only 17. They recommended inpatient treatment, but the only one that would accept her with her chronic medical problems was 100 miles away and didn't work so well. Her 19 y/o sister is on high-dose morphine because of the pain caused by her Ehlers Danlos, and appears not to have the psychological addiction to narcotics or benzos. I also have chronic pain, and ended up on high-dose narcotics for about a year, which took me into the pits of hell, i.e. the exact opposite direction from my Higher Power.

While digging out from my addiction hasn't been the most pleasant experience, at least I have something to focus on, something to work towards. With my daughter's addiction, it's a whole different ballgame, since it brings with it mostly anxiety and waiting and legal activity, lots and lots of legal activity. My daughter's drug'addicted boyfriend was also living with us for a year. When he handed me our back door in three pieces, we thankfully got a no tresspassing order on him, so when my daughter comes up to me with those innocent blue eyes and asks sweetly if Michael can come over, I have learned to say "NO", even if I had to learn by having a legal order to help me.

My daughter, and I suspect yours as well, knows how to play me like a fiddle. If she has another friend who's parents have kicked them out, just ask Patti, home for down-trodden and homeless children, in spite of having an illness that has landed me in the ER 500+ times myself. There is nothing wrong with our wanting to help and be there for our kids, but we are doing it at the sacrifice of our own serenity, and in my case, putting my own sobriety and medical stabillity on the chopping block. Desparate people do desparate things, and your daughter's behavior is not the young lady you love, but her addiction talking, lying, cheating, being disrespectful.

It strikes me that learning to do right by our kids is much more of a process. In my addiction, while recovery, as opposed to just sobriety, is also a life-long journey, I can count off days, weeks, months of sobriety as markers of progress. With co-dependency, I don't have quite a obvious markers with which to gauge my progress. Sometimes, as in your case, just the ability to say no is a huge step in regaining your serenity. Hopefully, at some point, you will will be able to say no without the guilt trips or anxiety attached.

I leave you with one last thought in this rather lengthy post. I heard a guy on the radio talking about unspeakable joy. We can all recognize and identify speakable joy- the new house, a promotion, a new baby. But unspeakable joy is that which comes in spite of life looking to the rest of the world like we should be in the pits of despair. Joy that passes all understanding comes from our Higher Power, and allows us to hang in there, even when life looks bleak. I wish for you , my friend, unspeakable joy.

Patti

welcome to the group mama zebra.

i like your post. unspeakable joy for me is knowing a young friend of mine is growing everyday. hes like the kid i never had. i have joy in my life other than that. its the fact that i dont live my life like i used to . did i tell you i like your post. made me feel good this eve

Thanks for your welcome, odiebob. So, how do we find this unspeakable joy and keep it going. My mother can be a bit toxic at times (too much law and not enough Gospel), but she has also ingrained in me a sense that each and every day has something to offer that will show us something to appreciate in God's creation. Here in Minneapolis, as in much of the rest of the country, we had the winter that wasn't. I dragged my carcass out of bed one morning at a time in our lives that was more black and dismal than most. I then remembered my mom's advice and looked outside on the large pond we live on. There were about ten rather befuddled-looking geese. They expected a fully frozen pond, and what they got instead was slush and sloppy flippers. I watched them as they tenuously took one ginger step after another, fearing that each step would be their last before they plummeted down through the hhalf-frozen ice into oblivion. I started laughing hysterically, in spite of my nasty mood, and felt much better in spite of myself.

Kathy, I hope your daughter is safe tonight and that you are able, at least for a time, to let go of your anxiety about her situation.

Patti

Hello to you mama zebra,

I hope your evening is going well, it is about 10.20pm here, I have read through your kind letter a few times today, you seem to have so many things happening in your life, it makes my problems seem so small, you must have so much inner strength.

I haven't heard from my daughter today, but I spoke to her yesterday, I dropped some food around and left it at her flat, she wasnt there, so I didn't expect to hear from her today, but at least I know she has food to eat.

I know its sad or maybe I am sad, but I don't think I have ever had unspeakable joy... wow how bad is that...I don't know why, I see myself as a normal person, I like to be nice to people and help them if I can and I don't like confrontation, or any harm to humans or animals, I seem to have spent many many years of my life saying to myself, things will get better next week, next year, etc. but seem to have never had peace inside, that I could just sit there and feel a sigh of peace. But if you spoke to the people around me or the people I work with, they would say the opposite, that I am a confident, well balanced person who hasn't a worry in the world...... Maybe I expect too much, I don't know.

I suppose I thought my daughter would be like any other, get a job, get married, have children, I would be a grandmother.... Maybe I picked the wrong father for her, I was very innocent in those days, went to a convent ect, didn't know he took drugs, and to be honest wouldnt't have known what drugs were in those days. So maybe thats where my daughter got her addiction from,even though I left him when she was 2, and got a protection order out because of the abuse I received, I have heard on the grapevine that he has since passed away.

Reading what I have written sounds so selfish, I really don't feel sorry for myself, there are a lot of people out there worse off than me, I just want my daughter to have what other people have, peace, love,happieness, and a life, and a few good years with me.

God Bless you all, and I hope happiness come to you all x

Kathy

Kathy,

I would not convict you of selfishness. I would, however, convict you of being a loving, caring mother, who wants the best for her child, including a happy, productive life. That's all we really want as parents, is that our kids find something and perhaps someone, that makes them feel fulfilled. I remember when was 4 and I had just gotten a divorce dreaming of the days she and I would have after her brother and sister went off to college, where we could spend days having mother-daughter talks while eating an entire gallon of ice cream together. Problem was, I didn't consult her on my dreams for her life. What I have instead is 2 girls with a severe genetic disorder, one of whom is drug-addicted, who have both dropped out of school, and a wonderful 21 y/o son who is almost done with a 2 yr. AA degree, but is as clueless as the day he entered college what he really wants to do for a living. Then I wonder why this mommy-thing isn't quite as fun as it used to be, especially as I have had to give up so much of my own identity as a physician and therapist because of my own medical issues,as well as care-taking my daughters. I have tried extremely hard to accept my kids for exactly who they are, but maybe I wasn't quite as successful at that as I thought.

I realize in reviewing this that I do sound rather whiny tonight, but I did get my one moment of unspeakable joy today, but I did have to look a bit harder. I was volunteering at the monthly food give-away we have at my church every month. I ran into an old friend I haven't seen in ages. She greeted me with a bright smile, as usual. I asked how life was going. She told me that, at almost 60 years old, she had to give up her apartment and was in a women's shelter for a couple of months, in a part of Minneapolis you only go in broad daylight. She has developed COPD on top of diabetes and a number of other medical problems. I realized that if she could put on a smile and express concern about how I had been, while freely helping those who were in worse situations than either of us, that I probably didn't have quite as much reason to be all grumbly-faced as I was when I came in. I then took my place giving away chocolate soy milk, of all things (not a big seller), and the woman working with me is sceduled to have a lumpectomy next week and start tadiation therapy for breast cancer. Again, I marveled at how these two women were able to find the strength to help others, when they carried such heavy burdens themselves.

God bless, and may your burdens feel light

Patti

Wow this is definitely an emotional thread! Damn! Anyways, I'm a recovering heroin addict, been free of it since 09/05/09. I can you from my experience and my moms' she truly didn't believe that I'd make out alive, neither one of us expected me to. This drug took me to the bowels of HELL. I was absolutely ready to take my own life towards the end I was so strung out, depressed and saw NO hope whatsoever. I overdosed intentionally, and I was ready to meet my maker rather than live ONE more day like that, and if it weren't for my pit bull Chyna, I wouldn't be here telling my story. It's amazing the intuition animals have, she instinctively KNEW something wasn't right, even for my junkie ass, the paramedics found me with a needle hanging out of my arm and I was in and out of consciousnesses. I had scratch marks all over my arms and face from her keeping me awake so I wouldn't stop breathing. I flatlined twice in the ambulance. And I remember being PISSED when I woke up. I REALLY was hoping I had been successfull and when I wasn't, it threw a wrench in things. How sick is that? That's what this drug or any drug can do to your spirit, your very being. I'm an only child, so I'm VERY close to my family, and thanks to me and my drug use, my mother now has a heart condition from stress and worry because she was waiting for that 2AM call from the cops saying they had me at the morgue. All the major holidays would pass and she had NO idea where the hell I was, but I did manage to call her every year on mothers' day, and her birthday. But a majority of the time, I was too strung out to remember anything important, when my Nana died, she taught me how to cook, she was my rock, I talked to her more than anyone, she never judged me, she just wanted me to be happy, I couldn;t deal with the funeral and the family and all the other selfish addict excuses, but I never made it to her funeral. Hell, she was 93 and even SHE knew I was strung out on something, but she never made a big deal out of it cuz she didn't want to drive me away, she was trying to save me from myself I think. I miss that woman terribly. This is one of those things where you gotta have "that moment" when YOU the addict realize that this isn't working for me anymore, I'm NOT happy, but the physical withdrawals from dope are utter and complete sheer TOTAL HELL. I can't emphasize that ENUF. It's alot of the reason heroin addicts get stuck in the loop, it was a HUGE deterrent for me. What happens is the drug breaks you down and breaks you down, the depression sets in, and when you finally are ready to do something about it, the withdrawals show up and you are about 10 seconds away from just dragging a straight edge across your throat cuz you just want it to STOP. So, you go cop. Just to make it go away, then you feel so damn guilty and weak for giving in. Rinse, lather, repeat. That's the cycle of hell right there. I hope some of this is giving you a little insight and hope. I promised my mom I'd do something positive with this whole mess, and if I can help one person, than it's been worth something. Stay Strong, Heather

Hi Patti,it is afternoon here, about 3.00pm,

I have started writing this before I am even finished reading it, whiny! you, I don't think so, you are so far from it, I wish I had all the love and help and kindness inside me to do all the giving things you do, I might have it in my head to help people as you do, in the "food give away"........ but I seem to always have things that need doing, and thinking about it, stay just as that......so no... a kind and loving person is what you are. And I am sure that is what your family think. We all at some point need to let off a bit of steam! God bless you Patti, and speak to you soon.

Kathy

Hello Heather,

It is so reasurring to read this, that there is hope.I am so pleased you are out of hell and hope for the future.

Well, I am gong to say how I am feeling now, and not to feel sorry for myself. just to get out my hurt and frustration i am feeling at this moment.....My husband is sat with me... or in the same room, he has had enough of my daughter, (we have been through rehab centres, money, paying rent, getting new places to live for her when she gets evicted) etc...so I agree we have to let her get on with it, and hopefully, light at the end of hte tunnel!....... but every now and again I try to let him see what she is going throught by posts like yours............. I, read it and feel nothing but happiness for you because you have beat the demon, and happines that your parents have hope for the future (thank you).

I gave it to my husband to read it and straight away, all he sees is my daughter ripping him off with money, lying, being decipful, cheating...starting to take heroine again when she had stopped before,(at this moment) becoming very annoyed and agitated withm me and nothing nice to say, I let him read it hoping it would help him understand she is not herself, but the heroine that is posessing her,making her take money....... but he obviously sees it different to me, he thought I had shown him it to give more money.......but we had already decided not to give money, but I didn't I just wanted him to understand a bit more of what is going through her young mind, so we end up arguing again! He want me to say if I have heard anything, but when I tell him I have he makes it into an argument. oh what to do for the best?

Anyway, thank you, it does really help me to see what goes through your/my daughters mind in times of dispair.

So I do hope to hear from you again.

Thank you Heather.

God Bless

Kathy

I think Dads' see addiction a little differently than Moms' do, at least in my experience. My dad got VERY black or white about it, and it's a shade of gray. My Mom was the softer parent, and did the enabling, so didn;t my Dad tho, he wasn't complaining when I was getting him oxys' for his pain. My Dad and I got SO wasted on a flight to St. Thomas, between percs and booze, neither one of us could drive to the hotel(and they drive on the wrong side of the road there too, LOL) my point was, when my use stopped being "fun" and I was strung out on heroin, my Dad took that deeply personal. He was VERY very hurt by it. Today, when I'm having one of my days, it's my Dad who knows how to handle me, and he gets thru to me. My Mom is an angel too, but something about being Daddys' brat just stuck. Your husband feels betrayed and that's a normal way to feel in this situation. He's been lied to, and he's very resentful. It's hard to watch someone do something so destructive, and have to sit back and just watch the trainwreck happen with NO control over it, has got to eating him alive.

Hi,

Yes you are right, he does feel betrayed, I guess I shouldn't let things get to me, my main concern is for my daughter, and hope she returns from that dark hole.

You are proof that it can happen.

Thank you

Good Night

God Bless

Kathy